Thoughts from the Toilet Bowl

Ahhhh, Butt Sniffing!

2010-08-07T08:14:00.000-04:00

Guess who ended up coming home after all.

Guess who isn't fixed.

Guess who spent the whole evening last evening sniffing butts. (And trying to "make friends and influence other 'male' dogs.")

Guess who had to explain the joys of butt sniffing (and other male dog behaviors) to her children.

Guess whose children think butt sniffing is a great way to go. (They're undecided on the other behaviors.)

Guess who drinks out of the toilet.

Guess whose children think drinking out of the toilet is a great way to go.

Guess who is about to go swirly herself to make it all stop.

(For the rest of Walter's story you can visit the Zoo later today. I'm sure there will be plenty to write about!)

Bored?

2010-08-04T20:46:00.000-04:00

I've been having some interesting conversations this week.

Yesterday hubs and I were sitting in the living room flipping channels and I asked him what was wrong. He just looked...well...bored.

"I'm bored. With everything."

I've been whining about that for two weeks now but I was blaming my boredom on the fact that the kids are going back to school 11 days later than usual this year.

Then Neighbor came over for dinner and he asked me why hubs was sitting on the couch like a zombie.

"Because he's bored. With everything."

"Yeah?! Me too! I go to work; I go to the gym; I eat at your house; I go to bed. I'm bored too!"

Today, I visited with the other half of The Jammin' Divas to make mint and onion-garlic jelly - which by the way does not taste like garbage breath wrapped in a sweaty gym sock - and guess what? She's bored too!

Did I mention that even while I'm typing this my children are fussing abot being bored?

So here are the theories we have right now. Our summer from release to restart is 11 days longer. Ooor...The widespread intense heat has been just beating people down and sucking all ambition out of folks. Ooor...The economic tide has REALLY caught up and no one is doing anything because they just don't want to spend the money. Oooor...It's just that time of year. Ooor...(Insert your reasoning here.)

In the meantime, I've found a solution for Neighbor's boredom. He can cook dinner for me!

Grapes and Golightly

2010-08-03T16:32:00.001-04:00

Ok, I'm going to throw it out there. These are just books I have always wanted to read. I didn't know jack about them before I opened them except for their main theme. And of course anyone who lives on this planet has seen Breakfast at Tiffany's. But let me tell you something else. These two were WEIRD! I don't mean that the were thinkers weird. They just ended oddly or in the case of The Grapes of Wrath didn't end at all, really.

Book #34 The Grapes of Wrath.

I guess it's because I didn't know anything about John Steinbeck or maybe it's because I kept seeing Henry Fonda in my head as the lead character. But whatever caused it, I really expected to be more satisfied. The imagery of the tale once again carried me away. I would look up from the pages to say something to one of the wee people running the house and I would hear a strange drawl come out of my mouth. It was as if I had actually digested the vernacular of the book and it was coming back out in my words.

Each character bent into me and pried out a little space for him or herself always revealing little bits of me and making me wonder if I would have been as tenacious. But that's the point of a great book isn't it? To make you reflect on yourself and try to measure your own perspective and sometimes to even defend your own stance.

Well done Mr. Steinbeck. You certainly provoked thought with that one. But I would have appreciated one or two more chapters.

Book #35 Breakfast at Tiffany's (and three other short stories)

What can you say about Mr. Capote? Twisted, angry, sad, pessimistic little man? I mean how can one have such a great start on a story and then end it in a dark or distressing way every time? I'll say this for him. The modifications he allowed or blessed or raged against for the making of the movie probably saved this for him. I cannot imagine how anyone who had read the book before the movie would have recommended it.

That's not to say that it's a bad story. It's a fantastic story with vivid characters and plenty of emotion. But without our great Ms. Hepburn and Moon River it's just not the same.

Of the other three stories in the copy I procured, all I can say is that there was a dark and almost morbid side to Mr. Capote. I have always understood that he wasn't a mainstream author, but this was not at all what I was expecting.

So more progress has been made toward the finish line of this marathon. I still don't think I can slice out 17 more books before my 30 days are up but then again Breakfast at Tiffany's only took me 24 hours. What do you suppose are my chances with The Canterbury Tales? Of those 17 I only have seven on hand anyway but Barnes and Noble is just a hop skip and a jump away so that isn't a huge issue.

And with that I press on. One page at a time.

Brain Junk and Tidbits.

2010-08-02T11:40:00.000-04:00

Ok so here are a few crumbs I have collected this morning as I have speed cleaned my house. Why I'm in a hurry, I have no idea because I have pretty much nada to do for the rest of the day.

I guess I could sew some. I have some lunch bags to make. See, I'm taking (and issuing) a zero waste lunch challenge. Can you pack lunch for your children (and yourself) this coming school year without using things that have to be thrown away? My pal Fer the wonder seamstress shared a link with me way back in April for nylon reusable sandwich bags. I'm going to try this. I think if I combine the nylon lunch bags and the refillable juice box shaped water bottles I should be REALLY close to the zero waste lunch. My only glitch is the daily yogurt and cheese stick.

And speaking of going back to school...We are only 3 weeks away! Can I just tell you how stoked my kids are? Tuck is crossing off days on the calendar to count down. Mo is just ready to see her friends again. And Munch? She is ready for some peace and quiet. I'm ready for the grocery bill to drop again. Holy Smokes!! These kids have been vacuum cleaners this summer! And they've grown about two feet collectively.

But the back to school means time to go shopping and I think we all know how I feel about shopping. Thankfully shopping for my children is not nearly as devastating for me as shopping for myself so it won't be that bad. And who doesn't love new crayons? This year we are filling a third backpack for a local charity. With the economy being what it is, I'm sure there are some kids staring down the calendar wondering how they are going to face that first day of school. I hope we can help at least one of them. I strongly encourage you to search out your own area for a charity that may need the same kind of help.

Which leads us to the concept of "new." Remember way back when I chopped off all my hair in a fit of "I'm so sick of this being in my face!"? Yeah well, now I'm ready for the bangs to grow back out because they are in my face. I have that dorky split down the middle flipped up thing going on and it's driving me bajonkers.

And I tried a new swimsuit top yesterday. A bikini for the first time in my life. I've had two pieces but they have been tankinis so there was no tummy showing. I'll be going back to that, thank you very much. My stomach is resembling a cooked lobster right now. You know how people say they look like a lobster? Well when you consider that a lobster is brown, that's not such a bad idea. It's the cooked ones that get ya.

While we're talking about cooking, I'm going to brag a little. My Christmas presents for my teachers are almost done. My tag teaming pal and I have been working the last few weeks on mini jars of various jellies to create neat little assortment baskets for our teachers for the holiday. You can be jealous because so far we have blueberry, strawberry, peach, blackberry and cherry and we have tasted them all and they are FABULOSO!! We are still adding some mint, grape, fig and savory onion garlic to our repertoire along with some apple and pumpkin butter. Tell me you don't wish you were a neighbor or a teacher right now and I will call you a big ole fibber.

Which leads me to my last little snippet. What is up with the fibbing?! Mo has entered the fibber phase and I am really not "down" with that. Will someone please tell me that it is a phase and that I am not raising a criminal here?

By the way, it looks like the other Max will not be joining us after all. I believe that he has found a new home without our help so I may have dodged a bullet there. The kids have joined Daddy's dog campaign though so I have probably already been out voted. I might as well start looking at breeds I will tolerate.

Hey, thanks for letting me brain dump. I'm sure you're a bit dizzy from all of that and wondering how it all fits together and I'll just let you know...It doesn't! Have a great day!

(By the way, I just thought the picture was really neat! No political commentary or deep meaning - although I'm sure I could come up with one if I thought on it.)

Bizarre News Wrap Up!

2010-07-30T15:09:00.000-04:00

What would my triumphant return week be without a little T.B. Maid reporting? Again if you have just joined us since my hiatus, this is the part of the blog where I go in search of all the absolutely absurd news I can find and make fun of it. Brace yourself - this is when it gets (not so) good!

Here's a little tidbit I found today - Wacky crimes: The best of police blotters from Palm Beach County and the Treasure Coast
This is perfect! It's an end of the month round up of all the loonies and their antics. And the paper does it EVERY month. How great is that paper! You have to read through a few of these blurbs. I think my personal favorite is the guy who ratted out his own weed operation - IN THE BUFF!

Here's a reason to clean out the car. - Bear crashes in runaway car
How do you explain that to your parents? "I swear Mom! I parked the car right there! Oh, look! There it is...and a bear is eating the interior." Better yet, how would you like to be the adjuster assigned to that claim?

This just strikes me as a bit gross. Churchill's dentures fetch nearly $24,000
Why in the name of dental floss would anyone want a pair of 60+ year old dentures? Yes, Mr. Churchill was a fantastic man. Sure World War II artifacts are cool. Not sure this one is one of the cool ones. But the bigger question is, how exactly does a pair of dentures correct a lisp?

And this one gives me some inspiration to keep working out. Florida great-grandma takes a bite out of crime
She is 73 years old! Not only does she have the gumption to bite the bad guy but she hangs on to a (I have to assume) speeding truck as it tears down the highway. The last line got me - she almost lost a tooth. Take that Churchill! You're fancy pants bajillion dollar dentures can't do THAT!

And let's wrap up with one from right here in the neighborhood (ok, across town but when you read this you'll know why I'm ready to let them STAY across town). Armored escort for Snellville's snail ornament
First we protest the snail as a mascot. Then we buy Sunday liquor sales by telling folks they can have their snail if they pass the ordinance. Now we will be providing an armored transport for snail ornaments to get to a...farmer's market? Look at that Es Car Go!

So there you have it..all the news that SHOULDN'T have been reported! But before I go, let's get a photo of the week, shall we?

Yes, those are safety pins but don't worry. They're just glued on. I have yet to figure out why but if anyone knows Lucy McRae of Australia, perhaps they could ask and get back to me.

This is T.B. Maid reporting. May your water stay blue and always go down!

And the Point is...What, Exactly?

2010-07-29T12:17:00.000-04:00

Ya'll are going to have to help me with this one. It's truly beyond even my imagination.

Organic. The point is to eat foods that are free of chemicals and in their purest form, right? I mean, no pesticides, no steroids, nothing that the Creator didn't put here to begin with. In turn providing a healthier diet and, in the end, promoting over all physical wellness. Did I miss the point?

So explain this to me.

Huh?

I live in the 'burbs of Atlanta, home of Pemberton Place, The World of Coke, the biggest Coke bottle on the planet, the headquarters of this marketing giant. And I understand that it is total sacrilege to speak against an American institution like this.

But....Huh?!

Really? Does it rot your teeth slower? Does it make your weight gain more attractive? Does it make your caffeine buzz a little more mellow?

Organic sodas. Can I get in on the organically fried french fries? I bet those are cooked in organic lard which comes from the super healthy organic hog that also provides the fantastic organic fat back for my organic collards wallerin' in some organic butter that are playing vegetable side to my slab of organically basted baby back ribs.

That meal definitely calls for a wash down with some Organic Coke!

And my Beliefs are Justified

2010-07-28T10:15:00.000-04:00

I do not believe in garage and yard sales. I don't have them; I don't frequent them. I don't see the point of moving my stuff around the neighborhood or moving my neighbor's stuff into my house. I'm sure I'm wrong and that there are probably plenty of things at other homes that I could use. Like those mason jars I've been stalking the entire metro area for...anyway...

A few weeks ago there was a story about a LeBron pendant that a lady found at a flea market and bought for $5. Then she had it appraised and found out that it was worth $10,000. And when the news hit the LeBron camp, they started bullying her until they could got it back and now it's all tied up in legalities.

Yesterday the news hit that a fellow used $45 to pick up a collection of glass negatives that are believed to be part of Ansel Adams early work. Now the family is disputing that they are authentic and again we have legal issues surrounding a garage sale find.

I just don't see how a "great find" at a garage sale is panning out for these people. Sure, they found something that may or may not have great value, but by the time they wade through all this legal nonsense, will they really have anything to show for it?

The way I see it, garage/yard sales are really just a way for folks to get money for their unwanted stuff and turn your life into one big legal struggle to find value in that same stuff.

So I stand by my conclusion - garage sales are a big pain in the tuckus. But if you have some Mason jars? Call me!

Or Not!

The Siren's Call.

2010-07-27T11:26:00.000-04:00

You know how I just went and made an "investment" in a top of the line vacuum yesterday? Well, today I started taking measurements and pricing flooring for hardwoods. There is a very good chance my hubby's head could explode this week. That's what he gets for trying to take over my kitchen!

On the upside, the vacuum handles all floor types so it won't be a complete loss. And we're not doing the whole house; just the main rooms and the hall.

Anyway, looking at the hardwoods online got me started again. It's all tongue and groove. Couldn't I tackle one room at a time and install it myself? I can wield a hammer and I got power tools for my birthday. I don't think this is beyond me.

But then I realized that there is no way hubs is going to let me tackle that project. So what is my counter project that I use to still be allowed to do home improvement? The boy's room is in need of some real work. Here's the plan. I tell him he has two choices; I can take on the hardwoods or I can paint Tuck's room. I figure Tuck's room will get done because it's definitely less expensive and there won't be power tools involved.

If all else fails I'll put re tiling the kitchen on the list. At least then he'll have to stay out of the kitchen!

On a side note, we are not the proud parents of Max the poodle yet. We're still waiting to see if the dog is officially up for adoption. I have also learned that Max has a mohawk. You can only imagine my delight at that information. Maybe making my hubby's head explode isn't such a bad idea after all.

Oh For the love of the Vacuum!

2010-07-26T14:44:00.000-04:00

Lil' Red (our vacuum) blew up. I mean smoke belching, dirt flying, sparks crackling blew up. That was a month ago. Today I finally went out and replaced her. No, I have NOT been letting my house go "Hoarders" on us or anything but I am tired of traipsing over to Neighbor's to borrow his.

And if you have to buy a vacuum, why not just bite it and go for the Dyson, right? So I did. Hubs is not a fan - but then he didn't realize that Red was kablooie either. So after much discussion we have made peace with a new vacuum.

But somewhere in there between frustration over having or borrowing, or getting something cheaper that may or may not handle that death trap that is the playroom, he slipped in, "So if I could bring home a year and a half old standard poodle, would you be ok with that?"

You know that point in a "discussion" where you just surrender and say "yeah, sure" to just about anything? Man, does he have timing. On top of that, do you know what this dog's name is? Max. As in the same name as the Jack Russel that is already in residence. And it's still in puppy phase. And it's a poodle. A big, black poodle.

I need to have my head examined. The only saving grace in this right now is that we are coming to the end of summer so it would give the children something to do for the last four weeks before school returns and I would have time to work with it in training when they go back.

But it's a poodle.

All I wanted was a new vacuum!

And Another Book Down.

2010-07-24T18:00:00.000-04:00

I was sitting by the pool today listening to my children protest the rumbling thunder that was keeping them out of the pool and somehow I managed to read the last 15 pages of my book. That makes 33.

I have learned something about myself through this process. I am drawn to books that are full of imagery. Under the Tuscan Sun (yes the Diane Lane movie) was one of these books. By the way, the movie was not at all "based" on the book. The story line is not even remotely the same except for the fact that it was a newly divorced woman renovating a Tuscan villa while learning to cook authentically Italian. As for all the romance? Yeah, not so much.

The book is more of a memoir of the renovations and life in Tuscany but what drew me in and stole my heart was the language of the imagery. The colors of the sun rising against the house. The hues of roses planted along the front walk. The depiction of the vines rambling over abandoned wells and terrace walls.

And then the food! Oh, to be able to cook with olives pressed from your own trees! To have such a diverse collection of cheeses and pastas and varieties of vegetables to grace your table. Did I mention that it was a rustic "fixer upper" in Tuscany?

If we have learned nothing about me in the two on and off years I have been blogging, we have established that I love home improvement and cooking. And she is a professor of the written word as well? This book was written for me!

So I guess if I was reviewing a book this would be a five star, but I don't review books because I really feel that every book has to be read with your eyes only. No one knows your likes, dislikes and passions. No one knows your story and back story. How can they say that the book they adored would be perfect for you? No. Every book and every recipe in life must be tried and tested by individuals without the coloring of other people.

Books and recipes are not paint with water books. They colors aren't already there. You have use your own paints and brushes.

(Coming soon: The Grapes of Wrath)

High Five for Eloping!

2010-07-23T18:17:00.000-04:00

My hubs and I have a tradition. At some point during every wedding we attend, we look at each other and share a high five. We eloped so we didn't have to deal with all the lunacy that goes with planning a wedding. This week's news story about "Lois" has me high fiving him daily.

Surely you've heard about Lois! The Texas corpse flower that is about to burst forth any minute? That's right people. This is a gigantic (apparently gorgeous) flower that smells like a rotting corpse. And it is about to bloom in the middle of the Houston Museum of Natural Science.

And what does that have to do with weddings, you ask? Well, a darling couple booked a small, intimate wedding amidst the delights and beauty of the butterfly garden. Which is...? Right next door to Lois. So not only is the museum open 24-7 so that people can witness this "magnificent" bloomin' event (so much for small) but they get to deal with the stench of a rotting body at the same time (how's that for intimacy?).

I know that you all think I make these things up sometimes but here is your proof. I am linking you up to the WEBCAM of Lois. That's right people! They have a webcam so we can watch Lois show her stuff. And if you really want to see the original news story you can check my facts on that too.

So now; you tell me. Don't you think I owe it to the world to give my hubby a high five right now?

The BTB Fad

2010-07-23T09:08:00.000-04:00

The notion of "from scratch" yesterday started my wheels turning (imagine that).

A friend and I tag team teacher gifts every year so that we can do something creative without breaking our banks. The past two years we have done jar mixes in baskets - a neat little collection of breakfast breads, soup mixes or snack mixes. last year we even threw in some hot cocoa mix. It struck me as odd because everyone said, "Oh how creative!" but I found the recipe book at the supermarket checkout line. So how is that something that is so incredibly creative?

This year we knew we weren't going to be able to pull of the jar mixes for another year so we started brainstorming for something new. Then I went on vacation and made raspberry jam with my mom. Ah Hah moment! We decided that we would but fruits in season and make mini jars of jam and give collections.

Now in the process of doing this I have of course made jam and jelly for our home and have given away a few jars to neighbors and friends. Everyone is astounded that I can do this. But I don't understand why it is such a big deal.

Between the "organic movement," the recession, and the rise in home gardening, I'm wondering why it's such a shocker that someone would want to put up their own food. I mean isn't it logical that one would lead to the other? Or are you just growing it for now and letting the rest rot?

I grew up this way. If I had space I would live this way all the time. I remember picking how many billions of acres of potatoes, beans, zucchini, cabbages, tomatoes, strawberries, peppers and peas every year. I sacrificed many tomatoes and apples to my mother's Victoria food mill for the sake of homemade tomato juice, spaghetti sauce, and applesauce. We trampled miles of trails to gather raspberries and blackberries.

It's just the way life was. So I wonder why all of a sudden it's a great novelty to get "Back to Basics."

I have a theory. I think people are just sick of running. People don't want to rush and scurry and be constantly convenient. I think deep down folks are starting to realize that maybe taking a little time to work for their own creates a much more satisfying meal; a deeper apreciation for the earth that everyone is so frantic to save. I think perhaps the world is finally starting to notice that maybe there is a fuller life available outside of the almighty dollar and "stuff."

I can't say I'm disappointed. I think getting Back to Basics might lead to some more friendly communities, more caring neighbors, and maybe even a kinder world in general. But then I also think I should take off these pink shades and give them back to Hollywood.

From Scratch

2010-07-22T13:00:00.002-04:00

If you had the opportunity to start over, right where you are; I mean simply stop everything, pivot and go again, would you? Would you change your system, your method, your thinking, your approach? Would you embark on something entirely new? Would you continue your course with a new outlook?

This is where I sit with blogging. I have left it for almost a full year and while there have been days when I have thought, "Gosh that would be a pretty funny post if I could put it down" I can't say that I have missed it.

Blogging is a beast. Some people (ok, me) become addicted to the comments and the numbers and the "potential to influence." Some people (ok, me, again) feel the need to perform at their peak and put out the best they can produce as often as they possibly can. Some people - who am I kidding? - I have, and probably will again, burn myself out to the point of ashes blowing in the wind.

But as I have said before. I need to write. I need to take the insanity that is my swirling brain and sort it out. You get to watch the swirling water from the sidelines and maybe laugh at it from time to time. For me it is essential to staying balanced.

If you are concerned, I have made it through 32 books on my reading list. I only have 42 days so the chances of me reading a book every two days is slim (not that I won't give it a good run!). But I had fun. And I read a lot of books that I might have never even looked at twice (Sense and Sensibility being one at the top of that list!).

And as for news commentary, I'm sure you will understand when I say, "Bleah!" The ridiculousness just keeps churning out not the least of which is Lindsay and the recent Agriculture debacle.

The kitchen has exploded twice since I last talked to all of you so I've logged more hours under my sink and behind my fridge than I care to recount. But my hubs is loving the ability to call his friends and say things like, "Did I tell you that Sarah fixed two leaks in the irrigation system, diagnosed a burnt cellinoid in the back of the fridge, replaced the garbage disposal and still had a delightful full baked chicken dinner on the table when I came home?! Oh, and here. Have a jar of her homemade peach preserves."

The children have kept it together and have actually made progress in spite of me as far as education is concerned this summer. Mo is reading at a mid-term first grade level (per her Grammy's assessment). Tuck is reading at a late kindergarten level. And Munch...well, she has lived up to both her Hollywood and Munch nicknames by donning her shades and eating me out of house and home. They have completely reaffirmed by belief that I will be the shortest person in the house within the next 6 years.

And with that you are caught up. And I am starting from scratch. Sometimes from scratch is the best way to go. The ingredients are there waiting to be mixed. It's up to me to do it right this time.

The P.P.P. Has Taken Over my Life!

2009-10-23T17:09:00.007-04:00

And I feel bad because I haven't updated you all on my progress but I'll explain and hopefully you'll get it when I done.

My last update was at the end of September and since then I have jumped into the deep end of the ocean. When we last talked I was venturing into the 600 pages of Mr. Dumas' The Count of Montecristo which once again did not dissapoint me. This has to be on my list of favorite books of all time because it's so much more than a tale of revenge. Revenge, justice, despair, insanity, love, devotion, and culture. I ate it whole. But it's a bit of a dark tale too so I thought I would follow it up with a nice lighthearted read.

I had read about Traveling with Pomegranates on The Housewife Diaries when she was giving a copy away and I thought it would be a fascinating read. A mother daughter team traveling through Greece and France together on a journey to reestablish their relationship in the later years of life. What I failed to grasp when I fell in love with the concept was the deeper side of the book. The mother is venturing through menopause and a spiritual journey. The daughter is coming to grips with depression and finding her "necessary fire" - that one thing that she must do with her life to become whole. Again I devoured the book but I was left in a place that kept me from my keyboard. What was going to come out of my fingers the next time I sat down? The confused rumblings of my brain or something that was better left on the pages of a personal journal rather than an open letter to the web?

My choices could have been better when creating my book lineup because no sooner had the brain pool settled than I jumped into The Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood. Yes, dark waters indeed in this pool that I have been swimming in.

On a side note, as I was getting ready to read I scanned the back cover of the Ya Ya's and found http://www.ya-ya.com/. I was just goofing off when I asked for my Ya Ya name through the generator but my jaw fell open when it came back as Duchess Shedding her Fears. Now do you understand why I say The P.P.P. has taken over my life?

Most people have seen the movie by now I'm sure, but the book takes the time to go places that weren't allowed in the movie. The greater reach into Vivi's brain; the deeper impact on Sidda's relationships; the real love between the Ya Ya's. I saw parts of myself again in The Divine Secrets and wished that my own Ya Ya's were closer to me.

And now I sit at my desk and stare at A Tale of Two Cities. I'm almost afraid to open it because even though it's about the French Revolution and Paris and London and a pair of lovers, what's to say I won't find myself again? I have to tell you that I'm 15 pages in and finding the rythm and getting familiar with the book language that it is written in has taken some serious work.

So the grand tally: I have read 8 books which leaves 42 more in 45 weeks. I am definitely on track but the real challenge will be keeping it up during the holiday season which for us has already started. October always kicks it off with a parade of birthdays, pumpkin patching, Halloween and then right into November with more birthday and my all time favorite - Thanksgiving.

Thank you to my fans who have been checking up on me. I'm still here even if I am a bit worse for the wear mentally. Happy reading gang!

The P.P.P!

2009-09-29T10:10:00.003-04:00

And don't blame me! Ya'll voted and that's the verdict! You can see it for yourself right up there on the left.

The Potty Pages won the "Name the Project" poll and so now you are stuck with The Potty Pages Project - or The P.P.P as I like to call it. Which by the way also works for the children because usually right after our reading, they all have to cycle through the bathroom on their way to bed. But how will I differentiate? That's easy! Over here it's The P.P.P - over there the p.p.p. See how that works? The big one and the little one!

Anyway here's your most recent update. At The P.P.P (this makes me giggle - a lot!) I have finished The Lost Symbol and have moved on to Erma's Family: The Ties that Bind and Gag. How's that for some whiplash? Serious, dark, mysterious, faith crunching read followed by a completely hysterical, gut busting, LOL-ing, "where are the hidden cameras" read.

So that brings our grand total to: Julie Julia; Marley & Me; Pygmalion and two other plays; The Lost Symbol and Erma. I have 45 books left to read in 48 weeks. This is looking very reasonable. But I definitely need a trip to B&N. The Count of Montecristo is up next and it's a bit of a cheat because I've read it once before but it's the next classic I have on hand. Unless of course I could do Pride and Prejudice and I'm just not feeling that yet. After The Count, I don't have anymore fluff books on hand so I think I'll be headed to my little slice of literacy heaven this weekend. Anyone feel like sending gift cards?

In other random ramblings...I think I learned how to get my way on the home improvement projects. I just price out a much bigger version of whatever it is I want to do and then Hubs tells me to go do what I wanted to in the first place. Example? Sure! I wanted to paint the bathroom. Hubs said no, he wanted to redo the vanity and the lighting and the floor before we did that. If we were going to do it we needed to do it all. So yesterday I took about 2 hours of my day and priced out the whole project down to the toilet paper holder. He looked at my plan and my pricing and said, "Why can't you just paint it? If you really feel like you need to do something just paint for now!"

I win! Next up, pricing out the playroom! You may all refer to me as The Supreme Evil Genius now.

What else? Oh yeah! I know you all probably don't pay a lot of attention to my blog roll over there, but today you should. There are some absolutely wonderful thought provoking posts out there today and I am loving all of them. As in I even commented! I've been in a serious writer's block funk lately (you may have noticed) and these posts today have been provoking enough to get the old creaky wheels turning again. I'm open to reading a few more so if you think you have something I need to read, leave it in my comments and I'll try to pop over today or in the next couple of days to read. I'm not a big giveaway person so you may want to avoid sending me those unless they involve a B&N gift card or awesome book.

I think that's all the rambling for today. I'm sure I'll be back with some more thoughts later though. Like I said the wheels are a creakin'. In the meantime, how's YOUR P.P.P. going?

Answering Life's Mysteries!

2009-09-24T11:03:00.004-04:00

I haven't taken you on a tour of the news in a while so I decided to see if there was anything worth while to share. Hooo Doggie! (And yes I DID just type that!)

Want to know why there's always a line at the ladies room and NOT at the mens room? It's because the majority of them are right handed and now the line on their side is going to get even shorter.

Store launches underpants for left-handed men

I had no idea. But now that there is equality in men's underpants, I know I will sleep better tonight!

Want to know why hiking is so popular in Europe? It's the scenery. Definitely the scenery - or maybe not.

Kids, it's a nature walk -- sounds like fun!

Because handing the bears their food already naked relieves the flossing issues that the furry fellows have.

Want to know why it's cooler to work in Australia? Because you get to wear honest to goodness powered ties!

Shirtmaker designs tie for your iPod

And The Man thought he won when he took Solitaire off the computer. Hah!

Want to know why your milk tastes different? Because it's chilled! Or at least coming from a chilling cow.

Comfy cows more productive, more relaxed?

Now if you read that article all the way through you noticed that these cows in padded pens have an issue. They now will be needing regular hoof-icures. Hate to tell you but the Happy Cows aren't in Cali anymore!

I'm going to this next year just so I can shake this dude's hand. World Beard and Moustache Championships

Some days I wish I could make this stuff up. And then other days (like today) I look at Reuters and wonder how I can get a job. Odd news ROCKS!

Musings from the Mud.

2009-09-22T13:37:00.006-04:00

God bless Noah's wife. That poor woman must have been just about out of her gourd when the 40 days were up. A - she had to live on a boat. B - that boat was filled to the rafters with critters of every shape and size. C - she was locked in with her family and with 3 boys I'm sure there were some fights going on.

(Our downspout beside the garage)

*Editorial note - I apologize for the quality of the pictures. I took them with the Crackberry and it was during the torrential downpour phase so they are blurred from rain and grainy from the camera.*

I'm just sayin'. We've had 10 days of steady rain and I'm about out of my gourd; 4 times that?! She should be sainted. Here at Zoo Suburbia we managed to avoid any severe impact from the disaster that is Georgia right now. We had a little water in our garage where the footer drains got overwhelmed but that was it. Our neighbors? About 4 inches of water in their basement. (The water that ran around the neighbor's basement)

Yes, these are the neighbors who just bought the house. We called the old neighbors and they lamented the fact but were eternally grateful that they weren't there. The neighbors two doors down? Watched as two feet of water poured into their basement. Their front yard sits right over the storm drain so they were the lowest point on our side of the street and were bound to get something.

(The water that was headed to the storm drain in front of Neighbor #2)

But while we are on the subject...My hubby is a nut job. Love him but he's a total nut job. All day yesterday I was checking in with him and he kept saying, "It's just rain!" Like I was some kind of over reacting basket case who needed to be committed. (Pass on that if you know what's good for you!!) Then he came home and was just amazed by the pictures on the news and was gushing about how the river was swollen to the bottom of the bridge and how there were trees down on side streets around our area. Did I act like he was an over reacting basket case who needed to be committed? No. I did not. But I DID give in to the temptation to say, "It's just rain!"

The wee ones are home from school today while folks try to clean up and the waters recede some. And as a result I have decided that Gilbert Godfrey will forever be banned from this house. They were chilling out watching Thumbelina and of course he does the voice of some beetle in the movie. A - that's grating enough. But then B came down. Everything they said had that shrill nasaly whine of his even if they weren't trying to. It was like some subliminal something crawled into their voice box and MADE them talk like that. I wanted to stab my ears with the potato peeler. No more Mr. Godfrey. Even typing his name makes my head throb.

And of course with everyone home, I'm all out of whack. I walked around in a circle in the kitchen this morning completely unable to even think about what I was doing much less get anything accomplished. That definitely added to the headache factor.

The sun has finally decided to let us know that it didn't burn out completely so I might try to venture to the grocery store to get some brown sugar for some caramel crunch mix. But that would involve getting out of my jammies. Hmmmm...I wonder if it's worth it.

Update on The Project (and The Poll)

2009-09-19T09:33:00.005-04:00

I know you have been waiting for it all week so let me put an end to the suspense. (Don't you love how optimistic I am that you all really care?!)

Yes, I finally finished Pygmalion (and the two penance reads) last night. The two penance reads were Major Barbara and The Doctor's Dillema (original George Bernard Shaw plays). I never realized that Mr. Shaw wrote morality plays. You know the ones that are supposed to make you question right and wrong? Well, these two plays were very fraught with questions. Major Barbara posed questions about war and business (timely wouldn't you say?) and The Doctor's Dillema came around to the power of the medical profession (also a timely read). At least for me they did. I'm sure other people would read them and find something completely different. But that's the beauty of books, don't you think? Everyone can get something completely different from the same pages.

So now I get to move on to a fluffer. And since The Today Show has been taunting me with clues about The Lost Symbol all week and Dan Brown has been on every entertainment show for the last week and since I saw the awesome poster at B&N a few weeks ago, I think we know what book is up next. It's sitting on my end table daring me to neglect my children all day so that I can get started. But I will not! I will be steadfast and stick to my plan of reading before bed. I will. I will.

This is going to be tough!

I will say though that having a really great fluffer in the wings is good motivation for wading through the classics. And I have to say that I did actually enjoy G.B. Shaw's plays. They were rough but I enjoyed them.

And now...The Poll. We need to name The Projects. I think we have a few good titles in the hopper so it's up to you to vote on the best one. I'll be putting the poll for The Zoo Project up over there so make sure you hit that up and express your opinion there too.

So without further ado...(drum roll please)...your choices are...

Lavatory Library
The Potty Pages
Blue Water Book Challenge
The Reading Bowl
The Bathroom Bookshelf

Told you they were good! So pop up to the poll at the top of the left column and vote. I'll let you know the outcome during next weekend's update!

How to Feed Mom Guilt

2009-09-16T23:07:00.004-04:00

I'm pregnant with Mom Guilt this evening. Ha! You thought I was announcing that I was pregnant?! You ain't from these parts are ya?

No, I'm just being over run with Mom Guilt tonight and I need to vent it.

I sit and watch my friends' children excel in literacy and extracurriculars and pretty much everything they put their little hands to. And then I look at my first month of school.

Weeks one and two: had almost daily e-mails and phone conferences with boy's teachers to deal with behavior issues.

Week three: get the letter that #1 girl needs to be referred for help with literacy because she may be demonstrating signs of dyslexia and they want to get her help as quickly as possible.

Week three: also get referral paperwork to get boy into speech therapy which we knew was coming but still...

Week four (that's this week): realize hours after the children have gone to bed that I have completely forgotten to work with #1 girl on her site words for this week and her address which she is supposed to have memorized in the next two weeks.

Parent conferences are two weeks away and I feel like a big old flop.

But then I sat on my bed and I read books with them and they hugged me super close and didn't want to stop. They crawled in their beds and we all said it together:

Good night.
I love you!
And when you wake up in the morning
I'll love you even more.

I have to keep reminding myself that I have to give to them from every area. I have to play as much as I work. I have to listen as much as I talk. And I have to get some sleep.

Mom Guilt sucks up exhaustion like a dog following behind a cookie eating toddler. She'll be fine. She may have to work harder and I'll have to be more patient; but she'll be fine. And eventually he'll meet someone who speaks his language, right?

In the meantime, I'm looking forward to morning.

*************

It's morning and I think the boy hacked my blogger and read this post.

Two hours into school and the school murse called to ask me to come get him. He has had another potty accident and is having a melt down about cleaning himself up.

I got there and he looked up at me from red ringed teary eyes and a drippy nose and gasped out, "I missed you Mommy. Did you miss me?"

What do you do? You know that he acted inappropriately and that he needs to have some kind of punishment. You waver because you SHOULD send him back to class and not give him what he wanted in the first place. And then he melts down at the very thought and you see the exhaustion in his face. He slept a full night last night but he was just "off" this morning when you got him up.

I resigned myself to bringing him home and he is spending the day in his room in "solitary." But we had a long talk about how I DO miss him when he's at school but that just makes me that much happier to see him when he gets home. And I want him to get smart and learn all kinds of stuff so he can teach me and he can't do that from home. He needs to go to school. He cried because he could see my dissapointment which of course ripped my heart out.

And Mom Guilt gorged on the whole scenario because now I am questioning AGAIN if I sent him to school too soon. Maybe he just wasn't ready yet.

Jane, stop this crazy thing called ...... Parenting. (Bonus points if you can name that movie.)

Just How Long are you Going to be In There?

2009-09-14T21:38:00.005-04:00

If you read along with the Naming of the Project Post comments, you saw that "Lavatory Library" has some support. And I'm not against the idea per se. But I need to explain a little quirk that I have. Yes, another one! Get over it; it's my blog. I can be as quirky as I want!

I can't read in the bathroom.

And yes, I meant "can't;" not "won't."

There are several reasons. The first is pretty straight forward. I'm a mom. IF I get to use the bathroom by myself ever, I am only uninterrupted for a maximum of 45 seconds. I can squeeze out 15 minutes uninterrupted in the shower, but how am I supposed to read a book in there? Something tells me that I'm not going to even get a full paragraph read in 45 seconds.

And then you get to my real problem with reading in the bathroom. I don't like the bathroom. I don't stay in there any longer than I have to which makes the title of this blog incredibly hysterical if you really think about it. I don't do baths because I hate the bathtub. And I'm not being specific to MY bathroom or my particular bathtub. I don't like to soak. Gives me the willies just thinking about it.

I certainly don't understand the notion of reading while on the throne! What in the world are you doing that you can sit there that long?! And remind me not to come in behind you when you've been at it for a full chapter or more. Nope! Sorry. Gotta get in there; do my thing and get out.

I'm lava-phobic (I made that up. Isn't it a cool word?) to the point that I have a problem reading books to my children when they are trying to potty. Which may explain why potty training has been such an issue for our house. Mom hates the loo. I love the loo. I must be a freak. Therefore I should develop some outlandish unfounded fear of the porcelain alter and avoid it at all costs.

Geeze. There are so many ways available to a mother to scar her children now a days.

But I digress. So again, I'm not against the Lavatory Library but don't expect me to actually read "on location." Can't do it. Can't even carry a book BY the bathroom door. Makes me get a little gaggy.

Keep brainstorming people! It doesn't have to have any link to the blog if that helps at all. In the meantime I'll be wrestling with Mr. George Bernard Shaw and his plays. This is definitely doing penance for not reading the original Pygmalion.

I Can't just Keep Calling it "The Project"

2009-09-12T09:28:00.004-04:00

I just (sniff, sniff) finished Marley & Me (honk and snots). I'll admit that even before seeing the movie, you know how the book is going to end. It doesn't make it any less emotional or gut wrenching. And I still love the story and relive my own life with a faithful dog while reading it.

So now it is on to Pygmalion. Which by the way may be my first cheat, but in my defense I didn't know I was cheating. George Bernard Shaw is definitely a classic author, right? So how was I to know that he pilfered Pygmalion from a guy named Ovid? Maybe eventually I'll get back to the "real" Pygmalion but for now I'll do penance for my cheat by reading two more of Mr. Shaw's plays right after Pygmalion (which is only 137 pages long).

In the meantime, I need some help. I can't just keep calling this "The Project." It has no flair. No ring. And now that I'm ready to launch the child friendly version, I really feel impressed to have a nice catchy name for "The Project." Hopefully one that can be tweaked to fit a family version too.

Leave me your ideas in the comments. Beg your friends for help. Pimp my post anywhere you can. I'll pick my faves and then we'll poll. Perhaps I'll even put a copy of a book from "The Project" on the line and the winning name will get a little present in the mail. Maybe Julie & Julia since it kicked the whole thing off? We'll see. Start brainstorming people because I can't work with "The Project" - it's just not going to keep me going for a year.

It Goes by Many Names

2009-09-11T10:14:00.001-04:00

Certain people call it Blog Fart Friday. The really classy ones anyway. I think The Mom, Jen at Cheaper than Therapy calls it Friday Fragments (but what does she know about class?). I should probably call my Car Rider Crumbs since all this stuff came up while I was sitting in the car rider line reminding Munch 4,862,973 times that we can't go home until we pick up the big guys.

Anyway, what ever you call it, the concept is simple. This is the randomness that couldn't be stretched into a full post even by me - the self proclaimed Queen of Fluffy Filler.

*************
There is something about finding a recipe online or in some obscure cookbook and having the courage to tweak it to your own signature. Almost like vandalizing a neighbor's house on Halloween (not that I would know). There's always the chance that something will go wrong or someone will drive by and catch you. But in cooking it's the chance that a spice will go sideways on you or will be one of those "strengthens as it cooks" or "dried and ground is not the same as fresh grated" spices. And the whole world suddenly knows that you were the one who messed with the standard. And they never eat at your house again.

**************
More proof that I am NOT a good person. I will not flash my headlights to warn people of the cop who is about to catch them blatantly speeding in a school zone. Call it tough love or discipline. But for the sake of my children, their classmates, and the school bus drivers, I want their happy lead feet to get busted.

**************
I'm thinking that a lifestyle tweaking may be in order. Writing and reading into the wee hours of the night is leading to a disastrous home and a heavy dependence on caffeine and Hershey bars. At my current investment level, I should own Pennsylvania and Brazil by Christmas but they'll be buried under unfolded laundry and dirty mugs with coffee reheat rings.

**************
As if having Facebook and e-mail on my Crackberry wasn't bad enough. Dummy me decided that I should add Twitter Berry to my repertoire. Stupid little blinking red light.

**************
I forgot how much I love NPR. The music makes me feel smart; the personalities have sweet mellow voices and the news is actually pretty close to neutral in its politics. It's like a soothing oasis in the middle of media gone mad.

Perhaps I've Found my Project

2009-09-10T12:21:00.003-04:00

But don't fret Fer and Sissy. I know you love the quirky randomness of The Bowl and the Project won't impact it too terribly much.

See Sissy turned me on to Goodreads, and since I managed to work my way through Julie & Julia fairly easily I thought I might put the two together. It's important for an aspiring writer to expose themselves to different styles of writing, right? So I am going to start reading for myself more.

I know. It sounds like it should be easy. But I'm setting some rules for myself. I only get to have 2 "fluff" books before I dive into a classic. And when I say classic I mean those books that my English teachers always wanted me to read but that I couldn't force myself to wade through.

Now with Julie & Julia past me I am moving on to "fluff" #2 - Marley & Me. I expect it to be a pretty short read since I've already seen the movie. I'm one chapter into the book and is proving to be pretty easy reading. Part of me is delighted about this but the other half of me is dreading it. If Marley & Me goes too quickly I'll be staring down Pygmalion sometime next week. Why do I feel like it's not going to be My Fair Lady at all? Why do I feel like the horse race scene is going to be like wading through mud even though Audrey Hepburn carried it off like lightning? And I have a feeling there will be no Rex Harrison singing in the background.

In any case I'm sure I'm going to need your help. I only have 49 books on my "to read" list and those are almost entirely "fluff." So I need to know what your favorite classics are. I'll let all of you play by the opposite rules. If you can share 2 classics that you think I should read, I'll let you throw a fluff recommendation at me.

My goal? I'm not sure. I want to see how many books I can read by my next blogoversary. I think I can average ABOUT a book a week (depending on how long and dry they are) so that would put me at about 50 books. Anybody else up for the challenge? I might even start a second challenge over at The Zoo to help promote families reading together. But let's see if I can get this one underway first.

So here is your mission: 1) Suggest some great classics that I just HAVE to read. 2)Take the challenge!

Do you accept?!

So Now What?!

2009-09-09T12:35:00.000-04:00

Last week when I ventured out on my "Why" posts I was really just trying to sort out my brain and determine what my motivations really were for writing and obsessing about writing and losing sleep over writing. And I think I came to the conclusion that it is one thing that I am very passionate about.

But what do you do with a passion when you find it? Of course you exercise it but if it is to turn into anything you have to focus it, right? Which brings me to the next step in my journey. How do I want to focus my writing? Do I stick to social and political commentary and hope for an lifestyle and opinion slot in a newspaper one day down the road? Do I take a twist to the inspirational and start tailoring my bits and baubles into a devotional for the harried mother - a thought that flitted into my head randomly in the middle of church last week. Do I steer it full speed into humor and hope that there are people who get me?

This is where I envy Julie. She may have picked up her project on a whim but she had a goal in mind. She knew that when she got to the end of the cookbook she would have completed her project.

I don't have a goal. I don't have a target. I'm a little lost here and I'm not sure exactly what to do about it. So I turn to you, my 6 loyal readers (yeah! I think we added two recently!). Of the pieces I have written, which ones resonate? Which do you prefer?

Don't think that just because you weigh in on one, I'm going to turn the whole boat to your shore. I need a little more whimsy than that. I'm just wondering what works.

Oh and good news for all of you. I am almost finished with Julie and Julia so hopefully this whole soul searching phase will be over soon. I should probably warn you that Marley and Me is up next and I'm thinking that that one could go any number of ways.

A Respectful Counterpost: Reflections on High School

2009-09-09T11:58:00.004-04:00

Kadi (aka The Innkeeper) from Womb at the Innsane just put up a post that got my wheels going. Instead of hijacking her comments and starting a great feud with anyone I thought I would attempt a respectful counter post here. I know! A respectful counterpost?! Who knew that could happen in the blogosphere!!

Kadi is reflecting on high school today and posed a lot of questions. The one that is sticking with me is the question of why administrators and teachers aren't doing more to foster character and encourage grades and the bigger picture over the popularity contests and cliques.

I was the Invisible Girl in high school. I kept my nose to the grindstone and I really couldn't have cared less if the popular people noticed me or not. When you are popular in history class because you actually prepared for the current events quiz, you really don't expect to be popular for much else. I had friends and I dated. It wasn't like I was completely invisible. But the rest wasn't important to me.

My parents made sure that I knew that my grades were what was going to get me through college. My parents made sure that they fostered civic responsibility in me and showed me that it would be as much fun for me as it was for the people I was serving. It wasn't important because my parents reminded me at home that there was life after high school.

In today's day and age, I think teachers and administrators have enough on their plates with shrinking budgets and metal detectors at the doors. I think they have enough disengaged parents who expect them to teach their children proper manners and behavior standards, that they really couldn't care less who is popular and who is a geek.

So I guess my response to Kadi's post is this. It's time for parents to be parents. The garbage in high school is going to happen. But if we as parents show our children where the true worth is and if we push them to rise above it (even if it means being an "outcast"), perhaps our children will not be the high schoolers of the adult world who have to put others down to lift themselves up. Perhaps they will be the civic servants of tomorrow who don't need people to look at them and give them ovations for them to make the world a better place.

The Blogging Confessional?

2009-09-08T15:30:00.000-04:00

I think I missed another memo. Seems to have happened a lot to me lately.

There have been several posts popping up here and there around the blogosphere in which the author exposes "the real me." We're talking about raw, deep, dark, reputation endangering secrets that they are laying out there for the world to see. And then the link to that is tweeted out for even more people to see beyond their basic readership.

Now before anyone starts fussing that I'm being ugly or a hater let me go ahead and say this. If you are comfortable enough in your own skin to put your laundry out on the line on main street, you go right ahead. If you are prepared for the onslaught of people who are going to call you a drama queen, an unfit parent, or any other number of names, knock yourself out. I don't understand it, but if you do and if you want to do it who am I to tell you that it's a bad idea? Maybe it's therapeutic. Maybe it's a way for you to feel like you are being held accountable to make some changes. Maybe you want your readers to know the real you.

But that brings me to another point. Why don't they? How exactly does one become someone different just because they are behind a computer monitor? Perhaps it's just me and my approach to life, but I am what I am. The computer monitor doesn't change me. When I tell you that I want to V8 people who don't teach their children manners, I really want to do it. When I say that I despise brussel sprouts and the foul smell they leave behind, I loathe them.

I don't feel the need to open my life up to every dark corner. I confessed my struggle with depression but that's about as far as we are going to go. If you want to get to know me, hang out and read a while. I think you can get a pretty darn good feel for who I am without knowing what color my unders are.

So if you tuned in to this post in hopes of finding out some deep, dark, lurid, gossipy secret, I'll try to dig one up for you. Let's see.....My bedroom is....green.

Whew!!! I let you into my bedroom people! That one should set Twitter afire!

I have to go with Dame Judi Dench on this one. (As Armande in Chocolat) "Is this a batisserie or a confessional?"

It's a blog. And you'll get blog - nothing more; nothing less.

"You Should be Baking!"

2009-09-08T09:15:00.000-04:00

I have become a bit of a Facebook junkie. There - I admitted it. Moving on.

We went to a football party at a friends' home Saturday night and as has become the norm for our circle of friends, I was asked to bring my chocolate chip cookies. Now you may call me weird. You may call me a bold faced liar. You may call me any name in the book but I promise I tell the truth with my next line. Of every 6 dozen batch of chocolate chip cookies I make, I eat maybe 3 on a good round. Not 3 dozen. I eat 3.

I have been told that these are the best cookies on the planet. The same friend who we were visiting is also a tremendous fan of the chocolate covered cherries. I am a bit afraid of the Christmas party this year because I have promised Oreo truffles and I am petrified of his reaction.

Why would I be afraid that someone will enjoy my confections? Because my friend has decided that it is my calling to open a sweets shop/bakery to peddle my wares. This is a bad time of year to suggest it to me. Because once again, I can be sold.

I would love to have my own shop. I would love to be able to get up at 3 AM (properly caffeinated of course); go bake for several hours; take my "lunch" break to go see the children off to school; go back and bake a while longer and be home when they got out of school. It would be a great job for me!

Here's the problem. I am a leg work person. I do not have a business head. I do not have invest able capital and I would hate to try to manage some one and teach them how to make my confections. I have barely been able to teach my children. And there is no way I could begin to deal with allergy labels, ingredient lists, industrial equipment costs, product pricing, and any catering or special order concepts.

Put me in my kitchen and let me bake and I am a happy girl. Muddle my oven with all that other stuff and you might as well turn off the gas. I fear that taking my baking to the next level would kill it. But then again, what if it is just fear holding me back?

So when my friend looked at me and said "Every time I see you post something on Facebook, I think, 'You should be baking,' " he started the annual fall day dream. The great what if parade that makes me wonder if I couldn't pull it off.

But then I'd have to come up with a catchy name, and who has time to be that creative? I have quizzes to take and farms to tend on Facebook!

The No Impact Project (aka Amish)

2009-09-04T15:30:00.000-04:00

This video was on the front page of Yahoo News today and it made me guffaw (that's LOL to those who don't have a English to Blogger dictionary handy).

The No Impact Man

Long story short, he and his family lived without electricity for a year. They did not buy anything new except for food and absolutel essentials and they ate a healthier lifestyle. They went Uber Crunchy in an effort to draw attention to the global warming issue.

What's so funny about that? They really just went Amish without the religious overtones.

I grew up in central Pennsylvania which has a healthy Amish population. People living without television and electricity is no new concept to me. I grew up without television. People raising their own produce and baking their own bread and pies is what reality was for me. Horse drawn buggies are normal. Stores and doctor's offices with hitching posts in front aren't weird.

So now you can understand why I got a hearty chuckle out of No Impact Man. I understand that he is trying to publicize and draw attention to a very serious matter. I'm all for it. I try daily to reduce my family's consumption too.

I just think it's hysterical that the media is fawning and drooling over something that happens all day every day in Delaware, Pennsylvania, and Ohio (just to name a few Amish "hot spots").

Why? (Part 2 - The Blog Reasoning)

2009-09-04T09:30:00.002-04:00

So by now those of you who have read Why? (Part 1) are asking yourself a different why. "Why not just write in a journal or in a word document on your computer. You're sitting there anyway. Why subject the whole world to your raving lunatic ramblings?"

I was sold.

You're familiar with that concept right? To be "sold" means that you are fed an idea and you take it so easily and eagerly that you never know you were just fleeced, taken to the cleaners and snookered all at once.

Don't get me wrong. I love the idea of a blog. I have met some really wonderful people through the blogging communities and I count them among my friends even though I have never actually met them face to face. And I love the idea that my words reach so far. Just last week I had visitors from France, Belgium, Sicily, Singapore, Poland, the United Kingdom, and Australia. Some of those people are return visitors; some found me by accident when they were searching for "pink sludge in the toilet" on Google. (I didn't ask. I honestly didn't want to know!)

But I hate the blog world some days too. I wish I had had the opportunity to get in early like Julie did with the Julie/Julia Project. Just looking at the simplicity of her blog makes me jealous. There was no nonsense about paid ads, reviews, ethics, blog trolls, who do we like this week and who can't we stand.

So why do I continue to keep the blog online? Because it IS my journal. At one point it wasn't online; it was just a word document on my computer that I picked at when inspiration struck. Someone (my sister) put a silly thought into my head that maybe, just maybe I could get published in a magazine. So I submitted an e-mail with my work attached and promptly got a "we are not taking submissions at this time" response. But there was a second line. "You may want to contact the editor of our online publication for consideration as a staff blogger."

And there was the big sell. You mean if I put this stuff together in a blog, there is a chance that I can get a writing gig that will reach the masses? I think I did a whopping 15 minutes of research before I hit up Blogger.com and started building The Zoo.

When I started I was simple like Julie. Then I started exploring the blogoverse and I started finding out about layouts, coding, keywords, links, traffic counters, traffic trackers. And that is when I stepped both feet into the quicksand that is blogging. I became so obsessed with those numbers and those visits and linking to the right people and having the right people linking back and making sure that I posted x number of times a day and tweeting and gaining followers.

I killed my writing. I effectively sucked the life out of it and smothered it. And that is when I took the summer off.

Now as I'm coming back into blogging, the why has come. Why? Because I want to write. I may never reach beyond the 10 visits a day and therefore may never make my way onto a "coming soon" poster in the Barnes and Noble window.

But I will write. Because it's what I am. Because it's what I do.

Clean out Your Car, Stankle Butt!

2009-09-03T22:58:00.006-04:00

My hubby brought me a gift a few months ago. It's a darling wire bound journal that is made of all recycled materials. And it even came with an awesome pen.

Where ever did you find this? It's really cute!

Someone left it in a car. (My hubby works for a dealership.)

And you just lifted it?

It was under a seat and they didn't call back when we let them know it was there. (I've gained Oakley sunglasses this way too.)

Thank you dear! It really is sweet of you.

Fast forward to Wednesday afternoon in the carpool lane. I had a neat little thought for a blog post so I picked up my darling little journal and flipped it open. To this.

I promise this is an actual scan of the page in my journal. I spit Capri Sun all over the steering wheel and dash when I found it. And of course I immediately called my husband at work.

I'm keeping the page. It only seems right. And it makes me smile.

Gold Star Thursday - To Those who Stand Up!

2009-09-03T15:30:00.001-04:00

Have you ever seen an injustice done to someone else? What did you do?

I personally don't think I've ever seen a true injustice done to a person. I've seen other children treat my children unfairly or rudely and I have intervened but I that's not what I'm talking about. I mean a real injustice. Someone who is accused wrongly. Someone who is treated unfairly in a public place.

I read Heather's encounter with bullies this week and I was heartbroken for her. But then I read her response. I read about her stand. And I was awestruck. I questioned whether I would have the courage or stamina to do what she did. I was impressed with her ability to take it beyond her own household and impact her whole school.

So Heather definitely gets a Gold Star today. But I want to give a Gold Star to anyone out there who has taken a stand for someone else. Remember the bus driver who got run over because he was helping people across the road? He gets this Gold Star.

So if you were awarding the Stand Up Star today, who would you give it too? Or can you keep it for yourself?

Why? (Part 1)

2009-09-02T22:45:00.001-04:00

I took this past Sunday off and went to Barnes and Nobel (my mommy hide out) and then to a movie. While at B&N I snagged a few books for myself one of which was Julie & Julia. No, I didn't go see the movie right after.

I've been reading a little of the book every night before I go to bed and I am now three days into it and completely hooked. She is a writer (*ding), who works as a temp and undertakes a blog (*ding) in which she chronicles her attempt to cook (**ding, ding!) her way through a cookbook in one year. I love this book and I'm only 60 pages in.

Last night I was reading and she was explaining her Julie/Julia Project to her mother. Her mother's response, "Buy why, Julie?"

It stuck with me. I dreamed it. I woke up and drank it with my coffee. I scrubbed it into the porcelain of my toilet and the granite of my counters. I've been itching all day to get back to the computer so I can chew on it and break it down for my own life.

"Why, Sarah? Why are you undertaking this blogging project?" In order to answer that I have to back up to a more basic question. "Why write at all?"

Because it's what I want. I've mentioned before that Erma Bombeck is one of my heroes. I love her humor. I love Patrick McManus for the same reason and one of my favorite books of all time is Summer of the Monkeys by Wilson Rawles. Now I add Julie Powell and her quirky, wordy adventures to my list and I discover that I want to be on someones list. I want someone to see my name on a coming soon poster and be as giddy as I was when I saw Dan Brown's name on Sunday. I don't necessarily want the rabid, raving, borderline obsessives that J.K. Rowling has but the idea that my words could have that potential is what keeps me dreaming.

Why write?

Because it's in me. In my head; in my heart; in my bones and in my blood. I have always been subject to flights of imagination. I think I took three completely unnecessary courses in college simply because I would "have" to write. There is something about taking a topic or idea and twisting it on its side or finding an angle that is overlooked that intrigues me. It's an adventure with words. It's a challenge and it can sometimes stretch my brain when I am paused searching the crevices of my mind for the perfect word to capture my ideas.

Why write?

Because it is my sanity. You would never begin to know the number of drafts that go the way of the delete button simply because it is total brain junk that just had to come out. If my internet provider charged by the character we would have to take a second mortgage. It allows me to reach out anonymously to random and not so random people and add to their lives or impact them or make them think or simply entertain them.

Why tell you why I write?

Because it's what I've been thinking about. And after all this is THOUGHTS from the Toilet Bowl.

Happy Blogoversary, Quirky!

2009-09-01T21:55:00.005-04:00

Woo Hoo! I made it to a year. And I still have regular readers. Not many, but they are there. And I greatly thank all four of you. You are so very sweet. Go have a Little Debbie on me.

So I guess you guys think you know me because I got a whopping (brace for it) 2 questions from last week's interview invite. That's ok. I don't find myself very interesting either. But maybe I will by the end of this post.

To the questions first:

My bloggy buddy Staci asked me "How do you stay sane? Because I think I just may be losing it!"

See people! I AM so sane. Staci says so! So stop trying to get me into that mattress room already!

Ok, so honestly? I think you have to lose it a little. I think if you don't go a little crazy, you end up with much bigger issues. I also think that I have managed to hang on to what little I have left simply by being a horrible creature of habit. I have routines that I do in my sleep some mornings/evenings. How else do you make sense of me getting up at 2 AM and making coffee and then going right back to bed? (It was darn good coffee too!) And I wonder why the boy is having some OCD issues...

And Amanda sent me this little query. "You kinda left us hanging on the new neighbor situation. How's that going?"

Funny you should ask. It's very odd being a "young married couple" (both of us are still in our 30's) with 3 children. Our old neighbors were 30's with no children and were off to the lake and football games and concerts and long cruise vacays all the time. Our new neighbors may be a smidge younger but they too are out and about every weekend. We keep trying to get together for dinner (we've managed once) but midweek is really the only time they are home and with the kids back in school, late nights midweek just don't work. So for now we see each other briefly on the weekends and will eventually get to know them. It's just going to take a while.

And since that's all the questions there were, I'm going to inflict some Facts about Me on you.

Three Things that Annoy me:
1. People who repeat themselves repeat themselves repeat themselves. I heard you the first time and chose to ignore you. If I needed to hear you again, I would have asked you to repeat yourself. ONCE. Please note - it's not limited to children who repeat themselves, repeat themselves...well you get it. It's ALL people who do it.

2. Empty things that are just left behind. If it's garbage, pitch it. If it needs to be refilled, fill it. Please do not leave it for me.

3. Perfectly capable people who ask for stupid things that they could do or get for themselves. It's a paper towel and it's 2 feet from you. I have to walk 10 YARDS to get it for you. And before you ask me to get it for you will you at least make an effort to find it/get it for yourself? I am not a member of the sporting group; I do not retrieve.

Three Things that will Tick me off:
1. Being inconsiderate of those around you. Please do not stop in the middle of the grocery aisle with your cart sitting cattywampus so that you can read the labels of 16 Progresso soup cans to see if they contain leeks. Pay attention moron before I V-8 you in front of your family and yo momma!

2. Children who's parents did not take the time to teach them manners and the parents who expect me to tolerate their 9 year old kicking my 2 year old in the head. I will turn the parent over my knee and make sure they stand at attention for a month for that one. And the child? Will become my indentured servant and when they can demonstrate that they will never make the mistake their parent made, I will release them to military school.

3. Finding out that someone not only found my secret Hershey's stash in the back of the freezer, but they disposed of it as well. This is a crime punishable by a week scrubbing the toilet with a toothbrush. Some folks in this house better hope they have practiced some serious dental hygiene.

And finally Three Things that Amuse me:

1. People watching. I hate shopping but I will go sit in the food court for a good laugh every now and then. You can see them. The mall employees who would rather hang themselves by their badge lanyards. The teenie bopper girls who suddenly start to strut when a cute guy hits their radar (usually the employees who probably want to hang themselves BECAUSE of the teenie boppers). The dads who are pushing a stroller containing a screamer and frantically scanning the food court for someone, ANYONE who might resemble their wife. And the wives who are hiding in the little cut outs in the wall that keep peeking their heads out to giggle at their hubbies.

2. Holier than thou attitudes. Nothing amuses me more than people who complain about other people but won't name names because they don't want to smear the offender. Ummm, I think you missed it. These people make my amusement list because they seem to miss the part where they are dropping right to the level of the people they are fussing about. "I don't like whiners so I'm going to stand here and whine about the whiners that I don't like." I think that's funny.

3. Life. Life amuses me because Mrs. Gump was right; you never know what you're going to get. You may think you know what the big story on the news is going to be. You may think you know how a person is going to react to something you have to tell them. You may think you have it all figured out. But then a fly shoots up your nose, causes you to sneeze into your boss's lemonade and the video that tomorrow's blind date catches from the next table ends up being a viral sensation on YouTube.

So I work my way back around to Staci's question and the answer is - Go ahead. Lose it. It will be all right.

Thank you all for hanging out with me for the past year. May the next one be as fun as this one. And may your water always be blue and always go down.

The Pain of Volunteerism

2009-09-01T12:56:00.005-04:00

There are some days when I think being a hermit is an awesome thing. Today is one of those days.

I have a friend who agreed to be a room parent but in a very limited way because her job is incredibly stressful and when you tack on our lovely suburban nightmare traffic scenario, well, she's lucky if she can get home much less to school. When she agreed to this insanity there were three other parents also signed up. Guess who flaked?

So last evening, my wonderful, patient, overachieving, faithful to a fault friend (you know I love you!!) called me to get some help with a letter to send to the parents. I think I could taste her stress level over the phone. And she doesn't have her first RP meeting until tonite.

Bless her big ole volunteering heart!

And then you have my beloved sister. She may mock me on the phone. She may have lobbed many a joke about my physical appearance and mental well being out there into the atmosphere. But she has a lovely heart and is a very generous soul. Being such a wonderful person, she decided that she would try to volunteer at her local hospital. She had orientation this morning. Please read along with me as I share the text message exchange we had DURING her orientation.

B: Is it possible to commit suicide by paper cut?
Me: Do I even want to know?!
B: Is it considered murder if someone bores you to death?

Me: I take it the job hunt isn't going well and you don't feel like doing school work? (And then I tried to call her thinking she was at home going looney.)

B: Can't talk. I'm in the hospital orientation. ALL DAY....

3 minutes later

B: Kill me now. It would be a mercy killing.

Me: Are you going to do this to me all day? Because I can't just start giggling like this in public!

B: Probably, unless boredom does prove to be lethal after all.

2 minutes later
B: Reading my text books is like riding all the coasters at Six Flags by comparison.

Me: HOLY CRAP! (Because I know my sister loathes her finance courses and if she prefers that to orientation...?!)

B: I'm pretty sure these chairs are banned by the Geneva convention.
Me: You know I'm going to blog this right?
B: Glad I could help out with the blog fodder. At least something good will come out of suffering. All things work together...
Me: Think N could use the chairs as torture training?

30 minutes later
B: It's a conspiracy! When you are done here they end up treading you for back injuries!
Me: **I lost this line somehow. I made some comment about an elaborate marketing ploy.

B: Of course the injury could be from the chair or throwing yourself out of the chair in an attempt to end this torture.

Me: Aren't you glad you signed up for this?
B: On the upside the quality of my doodles is reaching my precollege level. By the end of the day I should be at bachelor degree doodles if not graduate level.

Me: So you'll be ready to illustrate "The Dino under the Table"?

B: Seriously. (and a note I've edited out for other reasons)
Me: Should I call N and have him send rum to the house?

That was an hour and a half ago and I haven't heard from her. I think the chair finally broke her!

So here's to all the volunteers out there. Keep doing what you're doing. I'll be in my cave playing hermit.

Well, Whaddya Know?! And other Random Ramblings

2009-08-28T09:05:00.005-04:00

I was perusing my blogroll this morning to see who was being witty and fun and stuff and that little blue box on the right hand side caught my eye.

Next Wednesday I will have been hanging out here at The Bowl for a year. Unless I can figure out how to write 93 posts in 5 days, I won't hit my 300 goal but I guess that's what I get for taking the summer off, right?

Anyway, before you get your hopes up let me just go ahead and let you know that there isn't going to be any delightful traffic surge inducing party or contest. And I probably won't even write some hysterical, milk out the nose post.

Quite honestly, I have no clue what I'm going to do. How about a Q & A post? You can grill me and I'll come up with witty answers. I mean after all if you've stuck with me this long you deserve to pick my brain, right? Don't fuss at me if the fruit is not so good. Just go ahead and put your interview questions in the comments and I'll get back to you. Or don't. And now I'm just rambling.

Have a fabulous weekend folks! I'll be gorging on the peanut butter cookies I'm about to make and pretending I'm a duck with all this rain.

(So I was looking for an image of a calendar for this post and when I typed "Calendar" into Photobucket, I got this rabbit. How's that for random?)

Gold Star Thursday - 40 Years!

2009-08-26T22:40:00.005-04:00

I don't normally make tributes to my family here at The Bowl but this is an important one so I'm making an exception. Here's to you Mom and Dad.

August 26, 1969 my parents were married. It was a simple ceremony with a justice of the peace in Maryland but what happened next is nothing short of phenomenal in my book.

I'm a lousy daughter because I haven't ever asked a lot of questions about my parents' early married years so I don't know much more than I have lived - a situation I hope to remedy. I know my mother dropped out of college to help my father finish his BA. I know my parents lived in the mountains of North Carolina where my father worked in a fabric plant. He lost the tip of his middle finger on a velvet shaving machine.

I know my sister and I were born in North Carolina and my parents had some dear friends there that we would stop and visit every time we went to visit my grandmother in Florida. I remember many nights falling asleep to the sound of my parents playing cards with their friends and laughing and loving life.

I know that when I was very small we moved back to PA because my grandmother was very sick and needed help. We lived in a small farm house that we actually rented from some friends in the community. I remember being lifted in the front loader of a backhoe to pick cherries from a tree in the back field.

My parents purchased land from my grandfather and built a house from the foundation up and still live in that house to this day. I think I was about 4 when we moved in. My sister and I were a mile and a half from our elementary school. My parents worked in a sewing factory in our town; my mother as a seamstress and my father as a mechanic and manager of the cutting room. My sister and I worked in the evenings sweeping up the factory.

I remember many nights on the living room floor doing family devotions. Many nights at the dining room table playing Aggravation or Uno or Parcheesi. I remember folding laundry as a family and the laughter we shared when my father became confused by the ladies undergarments. He threw one into the air in frustration and the whirling ceiling fan carried it and our laughter to the rafters.

I remember long summer days in the garden hoeing weeds, picking beans, and plucking strawberries for dessert. I remember planting potatoes by the acres for the whole extended family to share. I remember picking my fair ton of those same potatoes. I remember my father working at a neighbor's farm in exchange for a freezer full of pork or beef at butchering time. I remember my mother making all manner of homemade presents and clothes. I remember canning our own vegetables, making our own spaghetti sauce, the smell of fresh jam, and the shelves upon shelves of mason jars full of supplies for a full winter.

I remember going out to the woods as a family and cutting up fallen trees for firewood for our Goliath of a furnace. I remember many a day my sister and I spent at the woodshed stacking wood as a punishment for some recent quarrel we had subjected our parents to. I remember my sister breaking her finger when she smashed it between a piece of wood and the tailgate of my fathers green truck. Speaking of broken bones, I remember taking the least graceful swan dive off our deck and breaking my own right arm.

There were pets - 4 dogs and an untold number of pigs, cats and goldfish. There were sleepovers. There were barbeque's that my parents threw for my camp counselor friends. There were birthdays and Christmases; Thanksgivings and long summers.

But above anything else in my memory is the total overall love. There was never a lack of love in our house. Not between my parents. Not from my parents to my sister and I. And not from our house to anyone else's. I don't remember my parents ever fighting. I'm sure they did. But I don't remember it. My parents always showed us that family is forever. They showed us that the best way to improve the world is to give of yourself to other people. They taught us that nothing is impossible if you are willing to work hard, be patient, and persevere.

My mother went back to college at the same time I went for the first time. She scored a 4.0 and graduated with a teaching degree which she is still using 10 years later. It was the proudest day for me to say that I finished right behind my mother's GPA. My father took a job at a local camp when I was 15 and has been the maintenance director there for 15+ years. They are not wealthy people until you start to count up their friendships and the people they have touched over the 40 years they have been married.

So my gold star today goes to my mother and father. For being role models for not just me and my sister, but for the people they come in contact with every day and for young couples learning to be married. I don't know that I could find a better example. Happy Anniversary!

Gold Star Thursday!

2009-08-20T08:50:00.004-04:00

I don't know if this is going to be a recurring theme or not - we'll have to see if people really earn a gold star. I was thinking about the great healthcare debate that has taken over the country last night and tried very hard to boil it down to its core. Here's what I came to before exhaustion finally took me away.

The healthcare system is in a hurt because A) we are unhealthy people who don't even try to take care of ourselves until we are already sick. In other words, we are lazy and selfish. We eat and do what we want to because we want to. And B) because some doctors, clinics, hospitals and insurance companies only care about the bottom line and making it as big as possible. Please don't start the "doctors have student loans and have studied long and hard" argument. I understand that and I believe that they should be compensated. I just know that there are some out there who think they are entitled to more than is actually fair.

But at the bottom of both of those reasons sits the same root. Selfishness and Greed. I'm not resolving the healthcare issue today. As most of you know my brain grabs random ideas from time to time and takes me on a tangent completely unrelated. Well, the selfishness and greed grabbed me.

Then I read through some of the headlines online this morning. This story popped out to me.

Fashion-forward Miamian helps homeless land jobs

Here is a Product Director for Johnson & Johnson - a normal every day guy by most standards - who is taking money out of his own pocket to help homeless people change their lives. For the better.

Maybe he makes more money than us. Maybe he doesn't. The point is that he saw a need and stepped out of his comfort zone to fill it. He did something for someone else. And not just his next door neighbor who needed his grass mowed. He did something for an "undesirable." Someone who was probably passed by a million times a day in Miami.

I had no idea who Frank Kelly was. And don't Google him. You'll hear about a 50 year old man who was arrested for DWI in North Carolina. This is Frank. He's a motivational speaker who puts his money where his lessons are.

Is Frank going to cure the ills of the world? No. If we act like Frank are we going to cure the ills? No. Does that mean we shouldn't try? No.

Gold Star today for Frank. Gold Star to you if you take even two minutes today to step out of your comfort zone to help someone else. You may not radically change someone's life but you may make an impression that causes them to pass it on.

Eureka! The Mother Lode!

2009-08-18T09:00:00.003-04:00

If you follow the Zoo you may remember that my two older exhibits went back to school last week. Sweet bliss! Blessed quietness. Ahhhhhhhhh.

Sorry.

Lost myself for a minute.

It was very entertaining last week to watch the interactions between our local law enforcement officials and the commuters of our community. Namely how quickly the officers were racking up and how light the commuter pockets were getting.

It's back to school season folks. How could you ignore the bright yellow flashing lights that have been inactive all summer warning you that you are entering a school zone? How could you not realize that the two slight curves on either side of the school provide the perfect zone for motorcycle mounted police to set up shop?

I promise there is no poetic license here. I sat in the carpool lane both morning and afternoon all week and watched at least 2 people a day get their fan mail from our local municipality. On Monday (the first day of school), I saw four! Ready to do some math?

The initial fine for speeding in a school zone is $215. Then you add $5 for every mile over the limit you were when you were caught. Now most of the people who were caught were right around 40 mph (I'm guessing from watching their cars - could have been higher or lower). But here we go.

$215 + (5 x 15) = $290!

Now figure that I saw at least twelve people get pulled over. If they all got tickets (versus warnings)? Our local municipality made roughly $3600 last week alone!

So here's the deal people. Slow down! Tis the season for children to be on the streets, school buses to hold up traffic, and cops to make their quotas. Be smart about it and maybe you can save some change AND lives.

All else fails, perhaps you can avoid this!

Under the Weather

2009-08-12T16:44:00.003-04:00

*If you read from my Facebook page you may want to click through to the original post to get the full effect."

I woke up this morning feeling tired but otherwise ok. I got everyone out of the house safely and in a timely manner. Then I tried to do my workout and promptly got woozy, fell over from a Downward Dog, jumped up and heaved. Go ahead and laugh. I did while I brushed my teeth. I still haven't fully recovered so my day has been spent watching the Hallmark Movie Channel.

It's a veritable fountain of infomercials just screaming to be blogged!

There is so much to highlight in this one! For starters, the idea that a personal grooming product is referred to as a weapon does not conjure painless images in my head. Then you have the funky feet that they used to shoot this. Please tell me you were as grossed out by the calloused heel as I was. Maybe this is why I've been nauseous all day. And why exactly do I want two of these things? Do I really need to do both feet at one time? Somebody still has to paint the toes right? I studied the little attachment things and I didn't see a paint sprayer in there but I might have missed it.

But there's more! (Told you I've been watching all day.)

Boy I'm glad they included those other springs to provide different levels of resistence. I'm a little dissapointed in the bonuses. A carrying bag? That's it? But my hubby and I wanted his and hers. And how much can you put on a DVD to support a Thighmaster for your neck? Can you prop it between your shoulder and your ear to get an all around workout? Who wants to bet that the special cream is really just Vaseline intensive care lotion?

But call now and I'll double your order for FREE! Oh, and let's talk about that. They don't have to tell me "But Wait!!" I'm hanging on every word from the very start just to see what my bonus is at the end. It's like watching the roulette wheel. Am I going to get a double order or are they going to take money off? Are they going to send me a carrying case, video or special promotional umbrella made out of frog fur? The tension is palpable!

I remembered now why I don't watch daytime TV. Can't stand the recycled soap stories; don't feel like watching fake court and laugh entirely too hard at the infomercials.

What's for Lunch?

2009-08-11T15:21:00.005-04:00

I just finished reading an article in The Washington Post that has my gears going again. And since it's from The Post you can probably guess that you are about to see how political I get (when I get political).

White House Objects to Poster That Invokes Obama Children

The basic story is that the Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine has taken up some ad space in Union Station for posters advocating healthier school lunch choices. The problem is that they use the President's daughters to convey their message.

I won't even touch the idea that they used the President's children. They shouldn't have done it; it's a well known fact that Presidential children are off limits. Enough about that.

And of course I want healthier dining options offered in public schools. Do I think that it should be mandated that schools offer vegetarian and vegan choices? I'm not so sure. I understand that there are vegetarians and vegans and that their nutrition is just as important as everyone else's. I just don't think the public schools need to be charged with the financial obligations that will come with that.

I have never lived life as a vegetarian or vegan but I know from looking at my own grocery bill that produce (especially off season) is expensive. And that's just on a single home scale; not for a school of hundreds of children. I also know from running a child care center that keeping fresh produce in an industrial kitchen is challenging. Restaurants and grocery stores have fresh produce delivered daily. In the kitchen at the center, it was challenging just to keep apples and oranges (pretty hearty fruits) fresh for a week.

The protien options also pose a problem for me. Soy and nut products would have to be handled on completely seperate equipment from everything else. Nut allergies are rampant in public schools to the point that I can't even send a PB&J with my children because someone may accidentally touch their empty bag and go into an attack.

I appreciate that vegetarians and vegans want to be included in the spectrum. I just fear for the burden it will put on already strained public school budgets and staffs.

I previewed the school menu last year and this year during school orientation. I didn't particularly care for the options offered so I choose to buy two lunch boxes and pack my children's lunches. They get a fruit, veggie, sandwich, juice, string cheese, and a snack item. I pack a pretty darn healthy lunch (the teachers told me so) because I take the responsibility on myself. In my book, if you have a special lifestyle that you have chosen, then you should be willing to take the personal steps available to continue that. I don't think the government should mandate that other people accomodate you.

But that's just my two cents! Feel free to read the article for yourself and get back to me. But bring me a lunch when you get back, would ya?

Maybe I'm Just Bitter. Or Maybe Hollywood Stinks!

2009-08-08T22:01:00.007-04:00

Let me begin by saying that the last movie I saw in a theater was Four Christmases with Reese Witherspoon and Vince Vaughn and I think that was last year at Christmas. So maybe I'm out of touch. I'll be open to that idea.

Here's my beef with Hollywood. They keep inundating the market with lousy movies. Yeah I know that's all our beef but I have a point so ride it out with me. Hollywood makes lousy movie upon lousy movie. They give them three weeks to do something in the theater and then they yank them out to foist the next lousy movie on us.

Maybe the theory is "Throw enough garbage at them and something HAS to stick." Maybe Hollywood is getting a kickback from Orville Redenbacher (and yes, I had to look up how to spell his name). My problem is that it's machine gun firing movies at us to the point that I have quit even thinking about getting a sitter for the theater. I'll just wait six months for it to hit the dollar movie box at the grocery store and watch it at home.

And there's some more prime rib for you! Why in heaven's name would I want to hire a sitter for $15 an hour; pay $20 for tickets; and another $20 for gluttonous oversized concessions (that are only going to give me heartburn and add 30 minutes to my workout the next day), only to go into a dark room of texting, jabbering, giggling teenagers and simultaneously have my retinas burnt out and my ear drums ruptured? Huuuuuuuh?

Special effects are overdone to the point that watching Transformers at home on my TV gave me a migraine. Can you imagine if I had seen it in the theater? My head would have exploded. And in doing my research for this post (yes, sometimes I research) I learned that the reason the previews are so loud is so that they can be heard over any talking before the feature. But they NEVER TURN IT DOWN!!! And heaven help you if you are in a mostly empty theater.

But just in case you are a serious carnivore, let me give you one more little fillet. Movies are only in the theaters 8 to 10 weeks on average. And that's only if they are making money! Do you know that according to Reuters Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (arguably one of the best movies EVER!!) spent 12 weeks at #1?! Do you know why? I'll offer my opinion. Because it was arguably one of the best movies EVER!! I jest of course; we all know the best movie ever was Tombstone.

Now seriously A) Because it WAS a decent movie with adventure, humor, love interest, cute kid and gasp! a story line. And B) because the folks in Hollywood weren't throwing 416 more movies down the chute right behind it, beside it and on top of it.

I just pulled up the AFI's Top 100 list and of the top 25 only four were released during my lifetime - Raging Bull, Schindler's List, Star Wars (and that's a technicality), and ET. Schindler's List, the most recent, was 1993. Sixteen years ago people. Have great movies come out since then? Maybe Forrest Gump? I could have done without Titanic. Erin Brokovich would have been a lot better without all the F bombs. And I can't really think of another Earth shaker. I have liked several of the animated movies since (Over the Hedge ROCKS!! Right up there with Tombstone on my list) but it's hard to make a bad one now with Pixar and Dreamworks in the game.

So what's your point Sarah?

Dear Hollywood,

We want quality, not quantity. I want to be able to go to the theater as a family and not worry about my children going blind or leaving with ringing ears. I want to be able to take them to a truly G rated movie. And I want to be whisked away again. I want to be able to sit like Grace and Annie and Daddy Warbucks and be truly moved by a movie. I want an actor like Carey Grant or Humphrey Bogart to sweep me off my feet. I want a Katherine and Audrey Hepburn and Ingrid Bergman to demonstrate that class and strength can be still found in a woman. No more profanity to get a laugh. No more explosions that shake the walls. The African Queen. Arsenic and Old Lace. Harvey. Give me a movie that means something.

Then you can have my $20 again.

And Here are your Headlines for Today!

2009-08-07T09:18:00.006-04:00

I love it when a headline from the Odd News catches my eye and sucks me in. It's like a mental train wreck and I can't help but stare. The real question is how do I get a job writing some of these articles? I mean this stuff is priceless and I have to think that laughing at the stupidity in this world would be one truly awesome job.

(I'm no Walter but I'll dedicate this coverage to his memory anyway - I hear he had a pretty good sense of humor.)

Here's the one that sucked me in.
Chinese bride trains eye on wedding dress record
I'm wondering how giddy this little bride is going to be when she realizes that a train that is 1.2 MILES long weighs a ton. And why in the world did they stop at 9,999 roses? Why not go for that one extra rose that put them at an even 10,000? Would it have really made that big of a difference? I love Mom's reaction "It's a waste of money." Just like a mom to look at the practicality of the issue.

Fans urged to drink whisky to ward off swine flu
I'm sorry but this made me laugh in a big way. They actually thought they needed to tell Russian soccer fans to drink? I guess maybe they had to announce the switch from vodka to whiskey. See if that had been Ireland there would have been no issue!

One dead in ear-cleaning salon attack
This one just freaked me out. First of all there are ear cleaning salons?! I am grossed out on so many levels right now. And how can a person get so attached to their "cleaner" that they feel the need to follow them home and stab them and their family?! You kill a person because of stubborn ear wax? That's a whole new line of defense!

Underweight team told to eat at least 15 eggs a day
I get it that it's a rugby team and you want them to be big burly guys and all. But aren't you even the least bit worried that they'll have heart attacks on the field? 15 eggs a day?! That cholesterol level has to be off the charts!

Kiss warning issued for rock festival due to flu
No real commentary about this story in particular. I mean I think the name of the festival is funny - Wacken Open Air Festival but that's not what got me. No, open this link and look at the picture that goes with it. Do you see the two senior citizens in the windsuits in the very front of the crowd? They're there for Napalm Death - I'm sure of it!

And now this last one. Nothing funny about it. Just sheer amazement and chin dropping.
Police find train "suicide" woman in bed
She got hit by a train. She made her way home. She went to bed. HOW?! I'm sorry but if I get hit by a train I'll be lucky if I make it back onto the platform. And she only had a broken arm?! I'm blown away.

And there's all the news that's fit to report today! From the Research Room this is T.B. Maid saying "May your water be blue and always go down!"

How Long Before They Get Their First ROFLMBO?

2009-08-06T19:41:00.002-04:00

Waterloo, Iowa has launched a program that allows people to text to 911.

Take a minute and think about this. I've taken 24 hours and I'm still a little cloudy. Texting 911.

Now I understand if you have been in a car accident and you have a facial injury that makes it difficult to speak or makes your speech indiscernable. But are you really going to be able to think clearly enough to send a coherent message?

And yes I get that the hearing impaired can use the service but didn't they have the TTY service for 911 already?

Well, what about the home invasion scenario? I'm pretty sure the invaders make a point to take the phones away, don't they? Maybe if you get not so bright home invaders. And yes Katie Couric says that there are instances of people texting to friends to call for help when they've been kidnapped but how many instances have there actually been?

I just wonder how cost effective this idea really is. How many people are really going to use this service? How much training is going to have to go into teaching 911 operators to translate these messages? Because you know there are going to be abbreviations created specifically for emergencies.

CC. 2A, 3C, 1 BA, 2 BL.

I mean you understood that I was saying "Car Crash involving 2 adults, 3 children. 1 Broken Arm and 2 Broken Legs," right?

I just don't think I get it completely. Would YOU ever send a text message to 911? Why do I think that I see yet another governmentally induced money sucking whirpool in the making?

The Age Old Question

2009-08-02T01:22:00.007-04:00

And not the questions that a certain friend of mine has taken to asking of late. Nothing about trees falling, where people park their cars, or even the great chicken egg dillema. None of those earth shaking, world crisis averting questions.

How old does she look?

Every woman reading just had a collective chill run up their spine and felt that tightening nausea in their stomachs. Why do people ask that question? Don't they know the traumatizing potential in that answer? And don't they realize the position they are putting the interrogated individual in? Strip them naked on the Grand Old Opry stage, hook them to a polygraph and shine a spotlight dead in their face why don't you? It might be more comfortable.

We went to dinner with some friends Saturday evening and Beloved, apparently unaware of the emotional peril contained in the question, asked the other female in the party that very question about me.

27. And the answer came back fast and very matter of factly.

Now as the mother of three under 6 and a woman who tries (sometimes very hard) to stay at least in the shadow of fitness, there were two directions my brain went with this.

Path A - Nice! All that yoga and swimming and walking and water have actually come to serve some purpose this summer. My scale may be in denial that I did any of it but perception is reality people.

Path B - Come on already! Haven't I earned my stripes? Do I really still look like someone fresh out of college? Don't I at least look like I could be the responsible parent of one or two? I have worked really hard for my thirty (mumble, mumble) years!

And it's not the first time THIS WEEK that I have been mistaken for someone much younger than my thirty somethings. Thursday I was purchasing some adult refreshments at the grocery store and of course my children were with me. The lady behind me in line was giving me a shady look when I presented my ID to the cashier. He cleared me and her countenance visibly relaxed with the return of my ID. It was odd but I wasn't going to make a big deal. The cashier remarked that I was only 2 years older than him and he thought I was actually younger than him. I didn't take offense because I know him and see him at the store regularly.

But then Snarky Eyes chimed in with "Really?! Those children are yours? I thought you were the babysitter!" Because every babysitter I've ever hired takes the children out to buy adult beverages. What?!

But back to the question. What if the friend at dinner had come back with 37? What if she had given me EXTRA credit for my years? How would I have felt then? Would I have been motivated to come home and do midnight pilates? Would I have been proud of my maturity?

And why do I even care? I am as young as I feel, right? But then if that's the case the popping in my ankles, knees and hips has me at 92 with one foot on a banana peel.

Maybe I'll stick with the 27 after all.

My take on the Crowley-Gates Fiasco.

2009-07-31T02:25:00.004-04:00

I've resisted commenting on this news story because it's very tender and sensitive and I don't do that very well. I worry about offending people and tend to back off of my true opinion in an attempt to avoid confrontation and drama. But I think I need to share my warped little perspective on this.

First things first. I have to guess that the questions weren't submitted to the press secretary before the press conference. It was just dumb luck that the President called on Lynn Sweet of the Chicago Sun Times with three minutes of air time left. But even so, don't you think the very intelligent people that our President has around him thought to prepare for this question? Yes, the press conference was intended to discuss the healthcare issue but come on! Such meat as this for media and you think they are going to blow right past asking Obama about it? Didn't you put any talking points together for him ahead of time just in case? You're fired!

Secondly, Mr. President, you are the most powerful man in our nation and you are garnering a lot of respect from around the world. You don't HAVE to give your opinion on every issue. A simple, "I think we'll leave that up to the fine folks in Cambridge to sort out" would have been sufficient.

And now finally. beer in the Rose Garden. I'm pretty sure Mrs. Wilson would not be giddy about her garden being used for a boys poker night but then again you drew the line at the pretzels and brewskies.

Please tell me that we are finally done with this. The charges have been dropped; the gentlemen agreed to disagree on whatever the initial issue was; and Joe Biden stuck to non alcoholic drinks at the poker game. I think we're safe to move on now. Oh and Lynn, next time you do your homework, please try not to pick such a shiny object. We Americans are easily distracted from the real issues at hand - especially when they twinkle.

Wow! I'm glad they cleared that up!

2009-07-29T13:29:00.004-04:00

From the same people who brought you the Finger Length Study and the Apostrophe Crusade we now have Tell me the Obvious!

Study: Tanning beds definitely cause cancer

England, you are definitely climbing my V-8 list! Now if you didn't read the article (because we all know how often people REALLY click on the embedded link) let me give you the run down. Tanning bed use is on the rise. Incidents of skin cancer are on the rise in the same age demographic. Therefore what we have always known to be a pretty obvious truth has been confirmed. Now we have just thrown enough money at "research" to claim it as a fact.

But here's one of my favorite parts of the article.

The new classification means tanning beds and ultraviolet radiation are definite causes of cancer, alongside tobacco, the hepatitis B virus and chimney sweeping, among others.

Well there goes my life long goal of being a chimney sweep! I find it very hard to believe that climbing inside what is pretty much the same thing as preburnt cigarette guts could cause cancer. How could that be?!

Oh, but there's more!

Cogliano said the classification means experts are confident that tanning beds cause cancer, but he noted they may not be as potent as other carcinogens like tobacco or arsenic.

Huh. Imagine that. Tanning beds are safer than arsenic. Good to know.

Now I know that some humans are just downright oblivious and pretty darn stupid. But isn't anyone else a little offended that science still thinks that we are too stupid to put together that UV rays from the sun can cause cancer so therefore UV rays from a machine will probably do the same thing?

Someday common sense is going to make a comeback. I hope it's not too soon! What would I blog about then?

I Blame OJ.

2009-07-29T09:15:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I mentioned that I would be revisiting this nagging media circus issue. I blame it all on OJ.

I was a junior in high school when the infamous Bronco chase took over TV's across the nation. I remember this because I was in the hospital at the time and was actually watching a baseball game when I got interrupted. I was pretty ticked.

I was a freshman in college when the verdict was handed down. That means the fiasco covered 3 years of my life. 3 years!! And it was all televised. Remember? Court TV made their mark and the news media provided an update on the days proceedings every. single. day.

Prior to that I can't say that I remember there ever being any kind of fuss over a celebrity's indiscretions or law enforcement issues. There may have been because I grew up without TV so I may have missed it all - well, not missed it but avoided being inundated by it. But just the same, I don't think it was ever glamourized like it is now.

But I question the integrity of these "public" court cases. The Scott Peterson and Casey Anthony cases are prime examples. Just how impartial can a jury be when every newspaper and television is blaring details about the case that may or may not be official, confirmed or even a shadow on the investigative picture? Nancy Grace gave Casey Anthony a black eye before the police even got to her and while it panned out this time, what would have happened if it hadn't? Would my pal Nancy have given a third of the time to her apology?

I guess my point is that until the public makes it clear that we don't want all the nitty gritty details until they are substantiated, I don't think we can really have justice. Look one more time at Michael Jackson's case. The media made a big deal about the doctor's staff removing boxes from the storage unit. Who's to say those weren't files for completely unrelated patients that were being referenced for completely unrelated reasons? And yet it was immediately all over the "news" and more suspicions were raised.

It's nonsense. If I was a great activist I would stage a boycott of the news organizations. I would slam their in boxes and mailboxes with mail asking them to refrain from glorifying criminals to celebrity status. I would insist that celebrities and sports figures who commit crimes be blacklisted and never allowed to appear on TV, a movie screen, or a sports field until they had done years of community service and proved themselves to be respectable role models worthy of being admired.

But I'm not all those things. So instead I will sit here at my computer and blame OJ. He started it all.

Playing Catch up - Good Try Fans!

2009-07-28T11:01:00.003-04:00

I know what you were trying to do. You almost succeeded too. But I am strong.

You tried very hard to draw me out of my bloggy vacation by providing ridiculous amounts of absurd news stories for me to comment on and rail about. You almost got me with Michael. I was teetering on the brink of breaking blog silence to rant and rave but I kept it together. I had to turn the TV off for 3 weeks but I resisted the urge.

Well no more!! Bloggy silence has been broken so here it comes!

Well done in commemorating his musical legacy and life. I did not watch the memorial in its entirety but I did catch the highlights on the news several million times. Very well done.

Now let go.

Seriously! I do not need to know every detail of the will. I don't need to know when his mother sneezes in court while trying to sort out the custody issues. I don't want to hear about the TP that fell off the doctor's administrative assistant's foot while she was getting boxes out of the storage area. I hope for his children's sake there is enough to cover his debts and still leave them something to provide for their care and future but quite honestly that's up to his family and his estate. I don't need to hear about it!

He was a man. He could have died at 50, 72, or 96 by natural or unnatural causes but he was going to die and I think with his history we all knew there wasn't going to be anything too terribly natural about it. But he was going to die either way. There is absolutely no reason for the media and the nation to turn itself inside out like this for A MAN.

Four other celebrities have died. Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Billy Mays, and Walter Cronkite are no longer on the planet. I haven't heard the first thing about their estates, autopsies or final arrangements. They each got a 15 minute tribute on the Today Show and CNN and it was done. I was barely around for Elvis and John Lennon so someone needs to weigh in and let me know if this same circus took place for their demise. I'll retract the whole thing if someone can demonstrate for me that it's a musician thing.

Until then, I'm over it.

But I have a nagging question (and I'll probably revisit it tomorrow). Wouldn't the investigation into any shady circumstances go a little better if the media wasn't reporting every move the investigators made? I mean when my children have a look out in position they can hide all manner of evidence of wrong doing and they are only 5, 4, and 2. How much stuff do you suppose the medical staff has been able to hide when the media is giving them a perpetual heads up on every aspect of the investigation?

Enough is enough. Let the investigators handle the circumstances. Let the family handle the estate. And move on to more important news stories. Like how contagious are VP and Pres gaffes in the media and press conferences?!

Yeah it was me! What are you going to do about it?

2009-07-27T15:38:00.004-04:00

That person who just unfollowed you? That was me.

Trust me; it's for the best. I wasn't reading you and you weren't reading me so we're even. Now you have room on your blog roll and I have room on mine. We'll call it guilt reduction surgery. Or blogroll bypass.

And while we are on the subject. All those networks that I was part of? You can take me out. I'm not interested in playing the games anymore. I'll write; the people who feel like it will read. The networking thing is garbage anyway. I don't want to listen to you whine and I certainly am not in the mood to pander to your ego. Numbers don't really mean anything in the long run for me anyway because I don't do all the crazy PR stuff that was supposed to take over the world and have a thunderbolt impact on marketing and business. I really can't tell you the last time I read a review that wasn't on a business site so you have a lot more selling to do before you get me to buy into your power trip.

Let's see. What else can I highlight as a complete waste of blog time? Oh yes!! The lecturing people to be nice. They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. Well, it has been proven in the bloggy world. People are going to envy people who are bigger and better than them. If they are small enough to try to tear the big people down they will stay small. You can't change them if you lecture them every single day of thier itty bitty lives. So move on. Be responsible for you and your attitude.

Wow. That felt good. I think I might be ready to return to bloggy land. I think I have a better grip on my goal now. Write. Read. Learn.

All it took was one good Flush!

And the Neighbor Verdict is In.

2009-06-05T17:05:00.003-04:00

I'm getting new neighbors. Well, I guess technically I HAVE new neighbors but we'll come back to that.

After three nail biting weeks, the neighbors closed their house. The new folks finally got financing worked out and the deal closed on Tuesday. Neighbors had a parade of trucks here on Wednesday moving everything out and this afternoon the truck pulled in with all the new neighbors' stuff.

I briefly met him when I offered our driveway for parking if he had more helpers coming but didn't really speak for long.

Here's why I say they are here technically. They are getting married...Tomorrow.

All the ladies reading just gasped in horror. That's right darlings. The new neighbor-ette is putting the finishing touches on her wedding while her groom tries to move all their things into their new house which they won't really be in for another week or so while they are honeymooning. They have rehersal tonight, wedding tomorrow, honeymoon for a week and then they get to move in.

I have been digging very deep to find and upside to this for her and this is the best I can come up with. At least this way when she opens her wedding presents, she doesn't have to "find" a place for them. She can just put them away with everything else. That's about the only plus to this I can find.

I of course have already started planning the grill out that will happen once they get settled. I'm thinking we could just jump right in and initiate them with all the summer favorites but if I give it to them all at once, what will I have for the rest of the summer? I guess I have a few weeks to figure it out.

Here's to new neighbors - if I HAVE to have them.

On a side note. My neighbors (the old ones) made me take a picture of them sayig farewell to their house. Could they be more cruel? I think we all got a little teary but that's what happens when you make good friends.

Thank goodness they are only moving half an hour away!

When Life Begins in the Country.

2009-05-24T23:59:00.005-04:00

I'm sure I've mentioned it before but I grew up country. And for those of you who didn't read or pronounce that correctly it's "cawn-tree." I mean cows outnumbered the humans. The local post office was inside the farm implement store and the two towns I lived between were really just wasglorified cross roads. My entire county had 2 red lights and one of those only a flasher. Everyone called the town sherrif (who was actually in the next town) by his first name. Call it the Pennsylvania version of Mayberry.

In our town there was a genuine country store. You could find everything from sewing thread, needles and zippers to hunting guns, fishing licenses, and ammo. In the back corner where the hardware was there was a stand up nail bin where the nails were still weighed on a scale per 6 penny or ten penny weight. People who still butcher their own meat could take their hams and bacons to the store owner who would slice it to order.

My sister reminded me about a tradition that we grew up on. Every year at Christmas the store owner (or another member of our community when he got too old) would dress up as Santa and hand out oranges and the Lifesaver holiday books. Even at Halloween we would trick or treat at the store counter. For the longest time you could find the older men of our town sitting on the bench out front talking about the weather or politics or any other notion that crossed their mind.

And this was such a part of our town that it had been passed across generations. First through one family and then bought and passed through another. I could probably even recite you the store schedule if I was hard pressed.

When I took my hubby to PA for the first time, I made a point of taking him to The Store. He strolled and looked. He was fascinated. My mom even got him a cammo ball cap for Christmas that year. Long's Store on the front and "A Little bit of Everything" on the back.

Even more fascinating was the decor. A mounted deer head over the phone in the corner (not a pay phone by the way); a preserved fox sitting on the gun safe in the raised office; pictures of various members of the community on the walls and the famous Brownie Calendar hanging behind the counter. Yard sale signs graced the front window right beside fliers for the fireman's carnival and band concert and senior class play.

In the wee hours Sunday morning, someone struck the gas pumps in front of the store and caused a fire that engulfed our personal landmark. It is gone.

Of course when you see a piece of your history fading you ask how you can get it back. The first question I asked my mother when she called this morning was, "Do you think they will rebuild?" Of course it is all so fresh now that no one knows but there is the rest of the story.

Should our friend and neighbor decide to rebuild, I would be willing to predict that it will be a full community holiday. Every man in town will call in sick and grab a hammer, pliers, wire cutters and any other necessary tool. Every woman in town will head for the kitchen to bake, roast, fry, boil and brew.

And they will laugh.

They will sweat and work and cut and lay block. They will plumb and pull wire. They will tell stories of times and people gone by and they will laugh.

All day I have been consumed by the thought of a huge piece of my memory being stolen from me. Almost to the point of tears. But I look at the possibility that lies ahead if there is a rebuilding and I have hope.

Perhaps we have found the key to my optimism and persistence. A life begun in the country.

I Have Decided to Quit Blogging.

2009-05-21T11:33:00.002-04:00

I’ve gotten a few notes and comments from regular readers asking if I’m okay and telling me that they miss my blog updates. Thank you. That is very sweet of all of you.

And while I don’t OWE you an explanation for my absence because after all this is my place on the web and I will do with it what I want, I will offer one out of friendship. Simply put, I burnt out. I was pressing everyday to find something to write about and stressing about whether my stats were climbing and if I was "good enough" to be a part of bloggy land at all. I was worried about whether you were enjoying my writing and was I funny enough? Why wouldn’t my meme take off and why didn’t I take more pictures this week for Wordless Wednesday? Who in the forums was reading my stuff and why wouldn’t more people comment? Why couldn’t my most controversial stances spark any kind of debate?

I was dreaming in blog people. I would wake up thinking blog and I would eat blog for lunch and I would blog while I was brushing my teeth. Not on the blog but in my head. I would wake up in the middle of the night to make notes about a dream because maybe when I was fully awake I could turn it into a roll em in the aisles post.

For some people that is a great thing. For some people that would be a rocking life. For me it was torture. I want to write. Just write. I don’t want to install meta tags and learn CSS code and HTML code and link all the right keywords. I don’t really care if Google finds me or not. I don’t necessarily want to make millions off of my blog. It would be nice if it happened but only if I can still be happy while I do it.

I just want to write. And that is what this started out as. A place for me to write. Then I got sidetracked with stats and comment counts and posting two or three times a day and making sure that I was friends with the right people in bloggy land and making sure that I didn’t offend or comment on the wrong blog because that would draw drama.

So I am going to quit blogging. I am just going to write. Here. When I feel like it and about what I want. The family stuff will still be found at The Zoo and the brain junk and social commentary will still be at The Bowl. But don’t expect me to update everyday. I don’t have THAT much to say.

I am no longer judging my success by stats, followers and page rank. I am purely judging my success by comments and my own happiness. If I can inspire you enough to cause you to comment then I have been successful. My biggest reward is forcing Buck to come out of his reader to comment. And that is what I want it to be all about. Just writing and sharing my writing with people who want to read.

Those of you who know me from some forums, give my regards. It’s not that I don’t like you or want to hang out with you. I just can’t get sucked back into all "stuff" that is blogging.
So farewell to blogging - welcome back writing.

**Note: For those of you who follow both, you will see this post cross posted today because the same audience is not in both places. Thanks for your tolerance.

There is a Chance that I am NOT a Good Person.

2009-05-06T10:27:00.004-04:00

It's just a chance but you need to weigh in.

Our neighbors have been trying to sell their house for over a year now. They finally got an offer and it was all looking like a done deal. They even spent the weekend packing up their stuff and arranging for a POD to store things in until they found their new house. Yeah, it sold faster than they thought this time.

I was not thrilled about them moving. They are awesome friends and neighbors (so it's obviously not the one I was whining about the other day). And they were getting ready to start a family so I was all excited about helping her out. To find out they were moving was a real bummer but I was holding out hope that the new neighbors would be just as awesome.

I was supposed to go help her pack this morning so that they could load the POD but the POD was no where to be seen. Turns out she cancelled it.

The lending for the buyers fell apart last night. This is where I turn into not such a good person. When Neighborette told me what happened I smiled. I was actually a little gleeful. That's just wrong of me! They want to move. And the new couple sound like they are really nice and sweet. The buyers are getting married in June so now the bride is stressing about losing a house that they fell in love with and planning a wedding! I feel really bad that I was gleeful about the situation.

I just love my neighbors!! I know. I'll love the new neighbors too. But you have to understand it takes a lot for me to open up to strangers. This is a big deal for me!

Just the same I had better start hoping for the best for these buyers because I wouldn't want my friends to be unhappy, right? But she said moving away from us was the hardest part of moving! So maybe she doesn't really want to move either? And they haven't found a new house yet.

I don't know how much longer I can handle this! Maybe I should move!!

It's not like the new folks will be living next to this.
At least not ALL the time!

Just when I thought Stupidity had taken a Vacation.

2009-05-05T09:38:00.003-04:00

It rears its ugly head and blows me a raspberry.

I would never claim to have "seen it all" but I am one step closer. I have seen the ultimate in moron and it is ugly. Someone here in my great state, not even that far away from where I live has actually created a listing on e-Bay for...wait for it...ready?

An Air Guitar.

That's right. The imaginary guitar that people pretend to play when they are truly jamming to the great hits of the 80's. No offense 80's fans - I know you two are reading this!

Now the good news is that they are offering free shipping so the guitar can be yours for a simple bid. Unfortunately you can't return it if it arrives dinged or damaged. I kid you not. They actually completed all the stips and even posted a disclaimer announcing that it was a joke.

But it gets better. Keep going to page 3. There is a SECOND air guitar listed. And this one comes with a demo video. For $19.99 shipping you can have it shipped directly to your home. This bid was even linked to a charitable organization claiming that all the proceeds from the sale of this empty box go straight to...wait for it...it's another good one!

A project supporting black bears. Because there is nothing I like more than a hike in the north GA mountains to hear a black bear jam out on his air guitar.

Someday I will find a way to get paid to walk around V8-ing stupid people.

Dear Ms. Manners (that would be you faithful readers)

2009-05-04T12:35:00.006-04:00

I need some help addressing a strange and uncomfortable situation.

Our neighbors have sold their house and are moving in two weeks. As a way to say farewell, I planned and hosted a cookout this past Saturday. We of course invited the neighbors from the other side as well since we are all friends. On several occasions throughout the week I let everyone know that dinner was going to be served between 7:30 and 8. The topic came up as close to grilling time as the night before when one neighbor issued a mac and cheese challenge to the other.

All day Friday I worked to prepare food. All day Saturday I finished food and cleaned my house. Beloved was forced to stay an hour and a half late at his office but still made it home by 7:45. There was still a chance to eat on time. Until...

My phone rang and the second neighbor informed me that he was just leaving the grocery store where he was picking up the ingredients for his girlfriend's mac and cheese contribution. In other words, she had had the whole day and was just beginning her preparations at the time we had said we were going to eat. Neighbor then told me that it was his fault because he had been at work all day. That was corrected when the guests of honor told me that he had been at their house to watch the Kentucky Derby not two hours before when Guest of Honor had been making her contribution.

Beloved disappeared and had I not seen him pass the kitchen window, I would have had no idea where he was. At 8:30 I called the neighbor and asked to speak to my husband. I was then told that he was helping her cook and he would be back with everyone in "a few minutes." When he came back, the cook was conspicuously absent as was the bread for the spinach dip they agreed to bring and the mac and cheese.

At 9:30 we finally sat down to eat. I tried to make pleasant conversation with her and completely avoided any mention of the tardiness. I was ready to let bygones be bygones. The table was barely cleared from dessert when she vanished with our neighbor.

As a gesture of faith and forgiveness, I extended a second invitation yesterday for dinner. No requirements; no time constraints. "I won't commit because I would hate to screw things up a second time and be late." Her sarcasm was thick and abrasive.

And this is not the first time this has happened. Three weeks ago a Sunday brunch was planned at my house without my knowledge for 12:30. Beloved was making the steak and eggs; they were bringing the pancakes. I got home from church at 11 and scrambled to clean up and get ready for company only to have Beloved vanish at 12:45 and come back reporting that the pancake batter hadn't even been mixed up much less cooked.

I would excuse her behavior as youth but she is the same age as me. I would let the "he was working excuse slide" but she has a car and was home all day (except for that period when she was watching The Derby). I would even forgive the rejection of last night's dinner as being simply uncomfortable. The problem lies in the fact that this is my husband's good friend and to have strain between the two of us creates an uncomfortable situation for them.

So I ask you, should I speak to her and let her know that all is well? And if I speak to her and try to put it away, do I address the constant tardiness? How do I address this with either of them?

I am more and more convinced that common manners and social graces are dead. I don't expect anyone to play by ALL of Emily Posts rules any more. But to arrive two hours late to dinner which was delayed on their behalf and not even extend an apology, takes the manner decomposition to a whole new level.

Am I too old fashioned? Do I expect too much of people? Am I a fountain pen in a iMac world?

Well, I didn't go this far - but that's not to say I didn't think about it.

Word-something Wednesday: Solar Powered!

2009-04-29T09:31:00.005-04:00

Now really Wordless. Not really Wordful. So I'm Word Something today! Yup. Feeling pretty random. Let's talk.

Remember this picture from say January something?

That was me after a winter in the basement. Not pretty at all. Quite grotesque actually! I can admit it. I know what cave dwelling does for me.

Well, this is me now after a mere week of sunshine.

You can't really tell because of the web cam quality but I already have a jump start on my tan and I've lost 3 pounds of winter "fur" (at least that's what we'll call it).

Thank the Big Man upstairs for sunshine and potting soil. Too many more days of rain and gray and I might have actually gone round the bend! Think I can claim to be eco friendly if I myself am solar powered?

Geeze People! 600 miles an hour!

2009-04-24T10:43:00.002-04:00

For the love of Pete! Airplanes fly between 500 and 600 miles an hour! I already Googled it; won the argument and put it to bed people!

So stop searching it already! Out of 20 searches on my blog 13 were for "how fast do airplanes fly" or some variation there of. We've settle dit now people. You have been enlightened and your life is complete.

Of all the things I have blogged in (almost) a year, that's the one that gets me traffic. A domestic dispute that was settled by Google. In-credible!

I guess it's all the international visitors trying to figure out how long their flight would be if they were coming to TP my front yard. I have added to my international appeal, you know! I am now scoring visits from such exotic lands as Ireland, New Zealand and Malaysia! Granted it's only been one at a time but hey! I'm out there.

My French pal showed up for a little bit a few weeks ago but I think they're still mad at me for making such a poor attempt at an accent. Did I mention that Egypt showed up on my radar? Think they would flee with flaming hair if I did the Watusi on video? I haven't figured out how to offend the Irish and the Australians yet because that would involve more Guinness than my little body can hold so they might just have to stay fans for a while.

I did laugh when I saw a visit from Great Britain. Think they might be mad at me for my Charles and Harry snipe?

The only international I'm a little worried about is the Iranian who stayed for a record 26 minutes and 37 seconds. Something tells me the Homeland Security Spies are going to be monitoring my posts for a while. The thing is that Iranian friend only visited 2 pages. What two posts could take you a half hour to read? I know I'm chatty sometimes (case in point) but a half an hour?!

Anyway, I've just destroyed a full minute of your life with my nonsense so you may feel free to join the internationals in TP-ing the yard. Times are tough. I'll take donations to my grocery budget anytime!

Because Losers are Awesome! That's Why!

2009-04-22T16:43:00.006-04:00

I am a fan of Real Sports with Bryant Gumble on HBO. It really can be a fascinating show and some of the stories are AWESOME! But this month it just flat out ticked me off.

If you haven't seen it yet, and you get HBO you need to stalk for it. There is a story about The Banning of Dodgeball in schools. Yes, I know. Out of 33 followers and random readers from around the blogosphere, at least one of you has a horrible memory of dodgeball. Some of you have horrible memories of gym class and middle school in general. See a therapist. I'm not your go to on this one.

My problem wasn't so much the banning of dodgeball but the reasoning behind it. We don't want children to be scarred by losing. They need to participate in activities that will help them feel successful. Seriously? You can't let children lose at a gym activity?

But it gets worse. They showed further footage of a PE teacher training in which they were...Wait for it! Jumping rope. WITHOUT A ROPE!

Pick your jaws up people. It is real and I watched it twice just to be sure. They encourage children to use their imaginations for how many times the rope can pass under them. And why don't we use a real rope? Because we could trip ourselves and get hurt.

Which leads me to indignation #3. A school has also banned tag. They can only play "Shadow Tag" (step on the person's shadow to freeze/unfreeze them) because too many children were falling down and getting bruises and scrapes. In this economy you want to go a step further and put Band-Aid out of business? That's just wrong!

But no touch tag wasn't enough. Because things were so delightful (please pardon my sarcasm), they decided to ban touching at all. Air high fives. Air hugs. And no patting a friend on the back.

Wait. I'll be right back after I brush the vomit taste out of my mouth.

Who wants to make the first prediction as to what happens to these "Chronic Winners" when they don't get the job on the first job interview? What happens when they get dumped? What happens when they don't get into the school they want because their test scores aren't good enough?

And if we are eliminating everything that could cause injury, does that mean we are banishing all organized sports? No more Tee Ball. No more soccer. Do you have any ideas how many times I stopped a soccer ball with my face in gym class? My sister wore hockey ball badges on her shins for crying out loud! And that was only practice!

Why can't children learn dissapointment? Isn't it more important to teach them to handle losing with grace and sportsmanship than to pamper their egos and give them a false sense of self? Competition is real people. And some people win. And some people lose. It's how the losers handle it that determines their character. The same can be said of winners.

So suck it up. Take a ball to the head or the small of your back. Shake it off and be graceful about it.

If you can see through your swollen eye.

Two Cents Tuesday: A Good Crown and Good Drama

2009-04-21T11:54:00.006-04:00

Tu Tu is only hosting Two Cents Tuesday on the first Tuesday of the month now but I couldn't resist my own little day today. I've been biting my tongue since I saw the video on my pal Nicolle's site yesterday (a few days late I know) but the firestorm is growing so I'll fan it a little.

Perez Hilton (what a way to start a post, huh?) was a judge for the Miss USA pageant this past weekend. Love him or hate him he's around because he's good drama. And he did his best work this past weekend. He asked "THE" question regarding the legalization of homosexual marriage of Miss California. She gave her answer based on her principles and her opinion - which by the way is what he asked - her opinion. A question that begins with "Do you think..." solicits an individual's opinion.

Now given the recent outcome of last year's election, don't you think he had a point in asking California? After Prop 9 and the backlash against Reverend Warren for supporting Prop 9 and all the media coverage that the issue got, I suggest that California was a target. Perez could have asked Vermont the same question but he didn't. He could have asked any one of the other 49 states but he fired it at California.

On top of that, don't you suppose maybe he might have had a clue what her opinion was? He was a judge. He's a media man. He's into publicity, drama and making waves. I would be willing to bet that he knew in advance what her opinion was and since she IS California used it to really fire things up.

Another point. Aren't the judges supposed to use the question and answer time to score based on poise, presentation and over all demeanor? Should her opinion have been held against her? Yes, she bobbled her answer a little but the way this is unfolding, it looks like it was her actual answer that cost her, not her carriage. So she doesn't support a cause held dear by a segment of the nation. If she had come out supporting homosexual marriage she would have alienated the other side.

Everyone is saying that she should have taken a more diplomatic path and skirted the issue altogether with a "let's leave it to the individuals of the states to decide." I say that was the coward's way out. It's that kind of pandering and waffling that has lead this country into a gray abyss of indecision. There is no moral standard anymore because it's all about not offending. It's all about everyone being what they want to be and no one can speak for or against because they will alienate, offend or hurt someone's feelings. No one will take a stand on a principle.

I applaud California, not just because I agree with her, but because she took a stand on national television. In all of her interviews since she has said that she would do it all over again and she is proud and comfortable with her decision. She hopes to lead people to take a stand.

But that's just my Two Cents! Weigh in. This inquiring mind wants to know. If you want to read the whole story (ABC's version) you can catch up here and get back to me.

Oh to be a Royal!

2009-04-20T14:15:00.000-04:00

The cover of Parade this week posed the question "Do we need royalty in the 21st century?" I skipped the article because my brain was already going and I didn't want to muddle my thoughts. I'm such a responsible journalist, don't ya know!

Do we need royalty? Maybe not. I mean what do they do but wave and smile and serve a ceremonial purpose? But on the other hand maybe we do need them.

Who is the standard of proper behavior?

The Queen. Think about it. Anytime anyone visits her or if she visits the States like she did last spring, everyone is mindful of proper protocol, behavior and manners. You stand a little taller if The Queen is looking your direction. You make sure you scrub behind your ears if you are going to even be in the same state as The Queen.

I contend then that we do need the royals. We need the Queen anyway. Charles and Harry? Maybe not. William has been doing ok so far so we'll keep him around.

Perhaps it isn't the royals themselves that we need around but what they represent - a higher standard. Maybe we need people to expect more of one another. Maybe we need people to call one another out on manners and behavior more often.

But that would require people to stop being offended by every criticism. That would require people to acknowledge that not all behavior is acceptable. Folks would have to actually live like they had pride in themselves and cared about what other people thought about them. And not just on a superficial "how do I look" level. People would have to care if people respected them.

People would have to be willing to earn others' respect through respectable behaviors.

So you tell me. Can it be done? Can a higher standard be presented and grown? Will people actually start to put a napkin in their laps before they eat? Will they take their elbows off the table? Can sophistication and honor be restored?

Is there Any Justice in the World?

2009-04-20T09:00:00.000-04:00

I am so confused about the American justice system right now.

For starters we live in Atlanta so the whole Michael Vick thing was a big deal. So was TI (the rapper in case anyone was under a rock). Well apparently now being a criminal is the thing to do if you are looking for career advancement and an income generator.

I was applauding TI for a while because he did the whole Road to Redemption thing on MTV (I think?!). It really DID look like he was trying to teach youth from his experience and I applauded that. He did the big community service before he even went to jail and now he is serving his sentence. It was the honorable thing to do in my book.

But now I was watching the news again and Michael Vick and Rod Blagovich are being offered reality TV series in conjunction with their new criminal status. Seriously? Is that justice? These guys commit crimes and they are rewarded with lucrative contracts for television. And why do I have a problem with them and not TI? Is it because TI did it BEFORE he went to jail? Of course I don't know what Vick or Blago are going to do as their series. Are they going to do a public service project like TI did? Or is it just going to be a series about them trying to get their lives back?

I just have issues with people being given a 10 year sentence and then they are released 2 years into it to serve a few months in "home confinement." For celebrities the latter is a complete farce considering what their "confined" lifestyle is like.

It comes as no surprise to me that Chris Brown is going to have a glorified lifestyle after the Rhianna incident. It seems to me that justice is a completely lost notion anymore. Individuals can't serve a full sentence because the jails are too crowded but we glorify crime via the celebrities (think Paris Hilton) and let criminals off with a slap on the wrist.

Maybe the time has come to reinstate a chain gang and bread and water. Maybe if hard time really existed for real crimes people would actually try to lead socially responsible lives.

Or maybe I was just born in the wrong generation all together.

See Alcatraz! When justice meant something!

Of Children, Curses and the Dishwater Sh**s

2009-04-16T21:40:00.004-04:00

You filled in the missing letters right? Because I really try not to use language my children have to avoid and even though they have not mastered reading (at 2, 4, and 5), someday they will and I would hate for them to think me a hypocrite.

Did I have a point? Oh, yeah!

So we had our first delightful dinner of the outdoor season on the deck last night. It was splendid and everyone ate well and had fun. It was a Cleaver moment. Then it was time to clean up.

Wayne's World flash back with me, will you? When I was growing up I had a skill that very few have ever mastered like I did. I could always find a way out of doing the dishes and not just any way. I had talent. You had two choices. I could vanish into the bathroom and not come out for oh say, an hour or two. This worked particularly well on any night that had a dinner featuring Mexican, seafood, or cabbage.

And then there was option two. I would "clear the table" and by that I mean I would eat everything. Slowly. I didn't care what it was. I would dig the last pea out of the bottom of the tuna noodle casserole dish if that is what it took. In the meantime, my benevolent, forgiving, kind and gracious sister (who reads this blog) would have washed everything, wiped down the counters and swept the floor leaving me, my fork and the dish I was licking as the only things that still needed to be cleaned. And of course with the sink full of clean dishes they would air dry and be put away in the morning.

I had skills. I found out later that it is what my grandfather called - you guessed it, "The Dishwater Sh**ts."

Flash forward to last evening.

Beloved had two choices - clean something (table and dishes or children) or go to the wholesale club. Watch this unfold with me. He decided that he should go check out the hours for the wholesale club so he knew if he had enough time to do the whole shopping and get home in time for bedtime and tuck-ins. It's incredible that in all my surfing today (housework was light) the world wide web, my server and my modem were all cooperative and had incredible response times. And yet when Beloved tries to pull up one site, crash city. Things that make you go "hmmmm."

By the time I realized that he hadn't pulled out of the garage I had roped Mo into helping clear the table and had the two smaller children in the tub soaking off a layer of crud. So the kitchen was done and I was about to put the wraps on a round of baths. Somebody caught The Dishwaters.

They say The Mother's Curse only applies to children (One day you will have children just like you) but I beg to differ. I think the curse can come from anywhere. Oh, he may think he has skills but now he has tangled with The Master of the Dishwaters!

Dum. Dum. Duuuuuuum.

28 Years.

2009-04-16T12:14:00.003-04:00

You all saw the big headline of the week, right?

Your hero and mine, Mel Gibson, is getting a divorce after 28 years of marriage. Twenty-eight years in Hollywood to be specific. And you know what is getting press? Apparently there is no prenuptual agreement. That means his wife gets to file for up to half of everything he has ever made since they married in 1980.

You know what? I'm not surprised there was no prenup.

A) It was the 80's. Seriously. Who was thinking straight in the 80's to begin with? Everyone was either coming down off of the highs of the 70's or they were dressing ridiculously and getting high with the "new" drug cocaine.

B) More specifically it was 1980. An actor was elected President of the United States. The US beat Russia in the gold medal round of Olypic hockey. What could possibly go wrong in this state of life?

C) He and his wife are both Catholic. That's a lifetime thing. There is no escape clause in Catholic marriage so who would have expected to ever need one?

And D) Of the 6 movies he had done in his career, only Mad Max had amounted to anything. Who was he to know what a superstar he was to become? He was 24 for crying out loud! What kind of decisions did you make when you were 24? I was 26 when I got married - I wasn't thinking the straightest during those days. (Not referencing my marriage at all by the way but other decisions I made between 24 and 26.)

What bothers me is that ofter 28 Hollywood years they are throwing in the towel. 28 Hollywood years! Do you know how long that is to the rest of us? It's like dog years only in marriage! How do you arrive at divorce after 28 years of marriage in one of the most stressful environments for marriage? And with 7 children. That sounds like an awful lot to give up in my book.

Yes, I read the rest of the news that they've been seperated since his looney DUI incident three years ago. And I guess if you can't work it out in three years you've given it a fair shake. I just don't know how I could do it.

But she sure is going to make out like a bandit, don't you think?

Show me the Funny: Help Me Edition!

2009-04-16T08:14:00.001-04:00

Help! I haven't seen any good funnies all week. I need humor and I need it fast. My mood is getting darker by the minute and there is no telling what I might do if I'm pushed too far.

So GO! Go into the blogosphere and bring me back some humor. The survival of the Bowl depends on you! If you Twitter tweet this out. If you Facebook put me on your links. If you stand on a street corner dressed as a cell phone, cow or toasted sandwich wave my link around like mad. Can't say I'll pay you because that would be lying and I'm not a Big Fat Liar (most days). But you will maybe draw me out of my funk and then I'll be able to poke fun at other people and nonsense and stuff.

In the meantime look at the loony I have to live with. And go! Go get me my funny!

Disenchanted or Spring Fever?

2009-04-15T13:01:00.003-04:00

I am trying to decide if this recent blah period I have been trudging through is me being disenchanted with blogging, bored with life in general or just a seriously bad case of Spring Fever.

The news has been all about the economy and The First Dog and we all know that story has been baked, batter dipped, fried, rolled in butter and confectioners sugar and DONE! The dog ate the outcome and we all know what comes next. A big pile of... well, stuff. Television programming has been vile at its best and stale saltines at its worst so that has been worthless for fodder.

Even my kids have been boring this week! Unless you consider the hour of insanity that ensued after I gave Munch Tylenol. You would think I had let her pull a Michael Phelps! Crazy!

Anyway, I would love to go out in the yard and do some spring planting but flowers come at a cost and well, that's just not in the budget right this second. Even going to the park has become routine lately because the kids all see me coming and run whimpering to their mommies muttering something about the "Manners Nazi is here." That was fun though - for the first week. Now my kids are giving me the stink eye because no one will play with them.

So I take on the spider webs up in the vaulted ceiling and clean out the van. I mop and fold laundry and I pine for the days when my children were psychotic, my house was a disaster and the dog was the normal one.

When People Crash into your Life

2009-04-13T08:43:00.004-04:00

It happens to be my first day back from Spring Break so this is not my normal humor laden, roll 'em in the aisles but I hope to get back to that soon. Just some brain junk.

I was in a fender bender Friday evening. I was stopped on the road outside our neighborhood waiting to make a left turn into the subdivision when I saw a car bearing down the hill on me. I could tell that the driver had no idea I was stopped and saw a line of cars right behind her. My father and Munch were in the van with me so my brain kicked into over drive.

Words out of my mouth:

"She's not slowing down."

"She's going to hit me."
"SHE'S GOING TO HIT ME!"

Thoughts in my brain (proof that my brain works faster than my mouth):

"She's not slowing down."
"She's going to hit me."
"I need to gun it."
"Maybe I can get away from her if I gun it NOW!"
"Why won't my foot move?"

"There are cars behind her!"
"I don't want her to get hit too!"

"I have to gun it for both our sakes."
"Munch brace yourself."
"Dad, brace yourself."
"My foot still isn't moving!"
"Move you stupid foot!"
"Finally! I'm moving forward!"

"But not fast enough!"

BOOM!

You know the sound. You can be sitting in traffic and you hear "that" sound and you know that someone just got pegged. Because I was moving forward to get out of her way, the damage was minimal. My sweet father waited for traffic to clear and then got us steered out of the way so that we wouldn't cause any more trouble.

She gathered her information and got out of her car. I got out of the car and then I said the words that broke her heart. "Dad, can you take Munch up to the house?" Her eyes went to tears immediately. And my heart broke. Something told me that there was more to this than just a fender bender.

We exchanged information and I tried to console her but there was pain there. I had a terrible time shaking the whole incident off but not just because of the jitters that always come from an accident. There was something else.

Saturday Beloved called her just to make sure he had complete information before he called the insurance company and had a little conversation with her. She's a single mom of two who just had to take a pay cut to even keep her job. Beloved and I were both affected so when he called he asked the insurance company if this incident would affect her in any way. We would forego the claim if it meant she could keep her premiums and coverage low. They assured us that she would be unaffected so he went ahead and filed.

But she's still in my head. There are real people caught in this economic crisis and for all of my railing about government bailouts and what is fair and what isn't fair the bottom line is that no one can help us but us. Beloved and I aren't free and clear of the crisis but we have each other. We aren't facing it alone. If we can help just by offering not to file an insurance claim then we can help. If I can make a meal for a neighbor in need, I can help. If I can just help with someone's yard work so they don't have to pay a landscaper, I can help.

In times like this I think we would all do well to look at what we can DO. I think we need to look at every day events as opportunities. If just a few people start to look outside of themselves, perhaps this crisis can become our nation's salvation.

You may Call Me Wiki.

2009-04-09T17:27:00.004-04:00

Because I know everything and I'm right about it all.

How is it that I intentionally post inflammatory posts on both blogs this week because I'm itching for a good fight and debate and get back, comments like "You are so right"? I can't be right about everything.

And if I am right about everything, then why aren't more people acting like me and changing the world one random act of kindness or selflessness at a time? If I'm so right, how did we get so off course?

I have issued a smack down on a 4 year old and you all approved.
I have blasted moms for being whiney and you all agreed and offered to alter your attitudes.
I admitted that my children drive me to drink and no one called Child Protective Services.
I told you all that divorce is never an option and even the divorcees didn't bother to get up in arms.

Oh well. I guess I'll just sit here on my throne as Princess Know it All and continue my reign. Maybe tomorrow I'll tell you that the world is flat, the sky is green and I regularly pick my nose. Sounds like you would believe just about anything. Baaaa.

(I think Spring Break has finally broken me. I'm being insulting, rude, and snarky. Yup. I'm broken.)

Show me the Funny: I'm a Lazy Butt Edition!

2009-04-09T10:51:00.002-04:00

In case you missed the memo, it's Spring Break here so we aren't really doing much more than watching movies, playing playdough, and counting down the days to reinforcements - I mean, Grammy and Poppie and Auntie B.

That being said I haven't been doing too much hunting for funny this week - as a matter of fact big hypocrite that I am, I haven't been reading much of anything this week. That's your warning. Next week should be loaded with hysterical catch up reading.

In the meantime, I'm going to toss up Mr. Linky and preload some funnies that came to my inbox this week. Enjoy, snag some more and by all means...

Live, Love and Laugh!

Two Cents Tuesday: Till Doritos Do Us Part

2009-04-07T09:53:00.003-04:00

Tu Tu threw out a HUGE question today for Two Cents Tuesday. The topic is Infidelity. I am eternally grateful that this isn't even the shadow of an issue that I expect to ever deal with. But this is the second time a marriage question has come across my screen this week.

The first time it came from a thread in the Parenting.com forum. "What is harder - being a parent or maintaining your marriage?" So let me address both questions at the same time. My vote goes to marriage and here's why. When you become a parent it completely changes you. You can never do anything to stop being a parent. Never. Abandon your child. Give them up for adoption. Sell them to the circus. It really doesn't matter. You still feel that blood bond deep down inside. It's permanent.

And yes, I know that marriage is supposed to be the same way. "Supposed to." Unfortunately in today's society the theory just doesn't hold up to the practice. People will split over the most ridiculous things. Say a pack of cigarettes for example. That's right. He found out that she was smoking behind his back and now they've been divorced for a year.

She gives birth to three children and gains some weight that she just can't lose. He sees a sleeker, more toned model and he's gone. He gets demoted due to company cut backs and suddenly isn't bringing home as much money. She decides that she can do better and bails.

An argument over child rearing policies. Distracted by work, bills, housekeeping, soccer practice, gymnastics, and camping trips. People are all too willing to throw in the towel.

What does this have to do with infidelity? There are a lot of ways to cheat. It doesn't have to be just another man or woman. In my book anything that comes between two people can be a cheat. But there's the catch. Do you let it stay between you? Or do you resolve it, reprioritize and correct the situation? Too often I think people aren't willing to work to resolve.

And before someone jumps on me "But Sarah, not everything can be resolved" let me go ahead and call "BULL!" on that. It can be resolved. But BOTH people have to commit to resolving it. One can't fix it alone. One can't go 200% while the other goes nowhere.

Someone is going to call me out on domestic violence. Should someone stay in a violent situation? No. Absolutely not. But should they seek counseling, help and exhaust all rehabilitative options from two different locations before they give up? If both are completely committed to the rehabilitation isn't it possible that the situation could be resolved?

My mother said something in a church discussion once that has stuck with me in a HUGE way. Marriage is not a 50/50 deal. It's a 100/100 deal.

We have firmly established that I am a chronic optimist and I understand that the world isn't an optimistic place. But that doesn't mean that it couldn't be if more people would root themselves and stand for right, good and optimism. Our families depend on it.

But that's just my Two Cents. I'd love to hear yours! Let it fly here and then go study up at Jen's Place.

I Got Nuthin'.

2009-04-06T15:58:00.003-04:00

Nope.

Not a blasted thing.

Brain is empty.

Oh well.

It's spring break so this could happen a lot this week. Mo is home from school and we are playing a lot so maybe I'll see you all after our little vacay. In the meantime if you feel like you have a little soap box moment or bizarre "this is something that would happen to Sarah" drop it off. sarahc51977(at)yahoo(dot)com. I'll pass on the linky love and maybe even editorialize for you. Now THAT'S some motivation!

Have a great week all! If you need me I'm the playdough statue under the dining room table sucking her thumb.

My Weekly Out of Character Moment

2009-04-04T13:28:00.003-04:00

Apparently I am making a habit of this. The whole acting rashly out of character thing.

I treated the kids to some Old McDonald's today (their words not mine) and we took it to the park with us to snag our allotment of vitamin D. After we ate I of course turned them loose on the play equipment because full bellies + sunshine + fresh air + physical activity = nap. Right?

Everyone is climbing and sliding and swinging and all is well. It's the first beautiful Saturday in two weeks here so of course the park is crowded with house crazy families. Suddenly Tuck pops out of one of the tubes crying. When I asked him what was wrong he told me that "that little girl won't let me through." I was fully expecting to see a 12 year old stuck in the middle of the tube.

It was a little girl probably about four (the same age as Tuck) with her hand in Munch's face telling her "You're not gonna do it either" in the snottiest voice I've heard from a teenager much less a four year old. This is me leaving my body.

The normal me would have shot her a dirty look and moved my children to a different part of the park. Today I was not normal me. "Please move out of the way so other children can play. You are not the only one on the playground and you really need to share." In my brain I was asking myself who was talking.

Snots McFly decided that sure, she would move out of the way. She made her way through the rest of the equipment, down the slide and straight to me. "You aren't very nice to talk to me that way." And she stood there with her hands on her hips like I owed her an apology. This is me not even thinking about returning to my body.

"It's not very nice of you to be rude to smaller children and to talk so disrespectfully to an adult so save your speech for someone else."

It's that voice again! Where is it coming from? Now I am pretty sure that if her people had been around I never would have talked to her that way, so what made me do it today? Was it because her people were no where to be seen? Was it because there were a lot of smaller toddler size children on the playground and I was making a preemtive strike on their behalf? Or was it the fact that I am so tired of mannerless children running amuk on the planet that I finally took a stand?

I am not proud of my behavior at all and maybe I crossed a line. I probably did. Who lets a four year old rile them like that? Just the same, what would you have done? Would you have moved on like Normal Me? Would you have sought out the parents and had a conversation? Or would you have drop kicked her like a penalty shot on an open goal like Out of Body Me?

This parenting thing just keeps getting more complicated.

I Think I'm Going to be Sick.

2009-04-03T15:41:00.003-04:00

I can't believe I just did that. I might need to go be sick.

I just turned down an offer to participate in a series on Parenting.com. We would have been interviewed and I would have had a chance to write a few blogs for them. My foot was in the door. And I pulled it out and closed the door myself.

I'm going to be sick.

But I have to know that I did the right thing. I did what was right for the family. The series was about families being impacted by the recession and how they are handling it. If you know me or have followed the blog for any time at all you know that we are being drop kicked by the recession.

My husband is a salesman for an Acura dealership. Yes, a car salesman. Pure commission. I am a stay at home mom. And before you say "Well, why don't you just get a job?" You know what the job market itself is like but have you coupled that with the cost of child care for three children? And even though Mo is in school, she would still require after school care and summer care. Here in the metro Atlanta area, to put three children in childcare, pay for car, gas and insurance, and still come out with just $1000 a month, I would have to take home over $50,000 a year. Do you know anyone who is willing to pay an executive assistant that? Because that is about my skill set.

We even looked at the idea of an overnight position but with Beloved's hours being what they are and the frequency that he has to stay late to finish a deal, there was no dependability that I could get to work on time. Couple that with the fact that a person's body will force them to sleep and you still have a problem.

Writing is my dream. I have wanted to write for a very long while and being home and blogging has allowed me to hone that skill and learn about different writing styles. Then Parenting comes knocking and I turned them away.

I definitely need to be sick. I guess I just have to keep praying that another opportunity will come up. This one came, right? There will be more. I just have to keep praying and writing.

And go brush my teeth.

What Do Ya Know?!

2009-04-02T13:40:00.001-04:00

It turns out I am just one viral video away from my 15 seconds of fame!

Yeah, I know. It used to be 15 minutes but they had to scale back because so many people are using You Tube and Photobucket and Stickam and webcams and Viddler and Movie Maker and Adobe and Photoshop that now anyone can be famous for just about anything.

I'm going to do a video of me picking stuff up with my toes while I fold laundry and change a diaper. Then I'm going to add a bunch of cool effects and some awesome music like Hey Hey We're the Monkeys and I'm going to upload it and spam the crap out of everyone to go vote for me and laugh at me. Then I'll be sure to be a rock star and I'll be on the cover of all the tabloids.

I'll be famous for being absolutely average and normal. Won't it be great?!?!

I'll have to do something about the paparazzi. I should stock up on sunglasses and umbrellas.

Show me the Funny: In Pictures and Video!

2009-04-01T22:18:00.003-04:00

I think I have spent the better part of this week laughing until I had tears rolling down my face. There are some completely hysterical videos and pictures out there this week. From spiders to speech impediments and from hairdos to barstools. Thank you a million times over for making me laugh this week gang!

If you think you can hang with these rock stars go ahead and snag the button, blog/vlog your funny and link away!

So Merrie kicked my week off with her National Geographic Spiders. I keep looking over my shoulder for the Crack Spider personally because with the amount of caffiene I've been working on lately it's only a matter of time!

Then Jay decided that he's going to bump Clinton off What Not to Wear and made me rethink my stance on wall paper - and put on a hat.

My sister of course is constantly on a mission to find the kind of stuff that makes me snort. If this isn't the most ingenious recycling of a lawmower I don't know what is!

Rachel let me know that I'm not the only person who thinks there should be a revival of Kids say the Darndest Things with her cursing daughter who has a sock issue.

If you are a fan of the Worst of Idol you have to head to Vegas and check out the little gift Tasha wrapped up for you in a buck toothed bow. You may want to have someone standing by with their finger on speed dial for 911. I couldn't decide what was more critical - my bleeding ears or the hyperventilation from laughing.

Now for those of you who can't open video at work, I'll toss you a bone. You have to place a bid on the ficus (or get cursed in Armenian) over at "Chrissy's" place.

Way to go gang! Normally I'm scrambling on Thursday to find the truly funny but you all served it up on a stand up mike!

Life as a Vampire Must Suck. Updated

2009-04-01T15:59:00.007-04:00

Ha ha, snort. Sorry. There are some cheezy jokes that I can't pass up. But I really do have a serious point. Oh and to those of you who were dreading yet another Twilight post, this sure isn't it (You're welcome Heather). I have not read the books or seen the movies and I really can't say that I plan to. Feel better? On to bigger and better then!

People just aren't willing to give up their blood. And you can go ahead and give me the "well, duh!" but I don't mean the whole exsaguination level. I just mean donating blood.

I was caught off guard earlier this week when I heard about a British lab that has managed to create synthetic blood from stem cells. Do me a favor and bypass the stem cell debate. It's not the point.

The point is that donating blood is free. It's charity and while no it won't provide you with a tax deduction, it is doing something for humanity. So why don't more people do it? I understand that there are health limitations for some. I get that and you guys are off the hook. But what about the rest of us - and yes I did say us! I haven't donated in 5 years. Mainly because I have been perpetually preggers but that's my own insanity.

Do you remember the out pouring (literally!) that happened after 9/11? The Red Cross was actually asking people to wait and give later because they had more than could be used before it expired. So what happened to those people? Why are we back to a shortage?

And I should be particularly ashamed. I'm O something. I don't think I'm the Super BloodType but I'm O and that's still in pretty high demand. I would be willing to bet that a lot of people probably don't even know their blood type because donation has never crossed their minds.

I remember going to blood drives with my parents when I was younger. It really is a pretty good gig. You lay around for an hour and then you eat cookies and drink juice. How much cooler can it be?

I know it all sounds very random but I'm thinking that maybe one day next week when Beloved goes into work late I might drop Mo at school and stop by the donation center on my way home.

At least Dracula will have lunch.

*Edits - I will not take any excuses people! If you are using the "I don't know where to go" excuse , I'll eliminate that for you right now. Visit the Give Life site and you can find a donation center near you and even set up an appointment so that you don't have to wait in line to give. Take that you weenies!*

Wordless Wednesday: Luckiest Neighbor Ever!

2009-04-01T10:31:00.002-04:00

Who else gives their neighbor hand rolled, hand dipped, Oreo truffles for his birthday?

He doesn't even know how good he has it!

Giveaways!

2009-03-31T13:08:00.003-04:00

And you totally thought that I was running one when you came sprinting over here didn't you? Got a little cramp in your clicking finger huh? Sorry.

And now that the contest stalkers are gone...The rest of the story.

I used to enter giveaways. Sure did! As a matter of fact it might have been the second or third reason I started blogging. I would stalk the contest sites and the review bloggers to see what they were reviewing in hopes that I could win something awesome like a phone or a camera or a new set of cookware. And I won a few contests. I got some really cute stuff for my family for Christmas and I was happy.

Now I avoid reviews and contests like the plague. Unless it's something really awesome. Would you like to know why?

Anymore to enter a contest you have to pick your favorite item from the site (which I completely have no problem with - that's the point), then blog it - with a link back of course, tweet it, follow the blogger, grab their button, add them to your twitter and clean their toilet with your toothbrush. Then you have to go back to their page and put all that stuff in their comments. Of course for every comment you have to fill out the captcha word verification to prove that you're not a computer generated contest spammer. And inevitably it's the person who cleaned their toilet AND their sink who wins.

I'm just saying there's a place for gathering link love, Twitter and Blog followers. I was lamenting my traffic stats the other day and several bloggers told me that while yes they get big traffic on their contests and giveaways, those people don't ever come back until the next giveaway. Wouldn't it make more sense to grow your site genuinely and reward your readers with giveaways as a thank you?

You are asking yourself where this little tirade came from aren't you? Well I was considering going out and trying to find some sponsors for a little blogoversary party for my blogs. After all I'll be celebrating the blogoversary and 300 posts at about the same time (if not THE same time). But then I wondered if that might not be more trouble and chaos than I have the patience for. I'm still deliberating - I'll get back to you when I reach a decision.

In the meantime go ahead and weigh in. After all it IS Two Cents Tuesday. So spill it! Do you still enter contests? Are the requirements reasonable to you? Are you a Giver? Can you explain all the hoops?

Two Cents Tuesday: Workin' my Nerves!

2009-03-31T10:15:00.003-04:00

I did it! I've been threatening and I did it. I vlogged Two Cents this week. Sorry to those of you who read me from work and can't bust yourselves. It'll still be here tonight. In the meantime you can all go read the other Two Cents over at Jen's place. There are some really great writers over there and you could be among them. Because let's face it, we all have Two Cents about something!

Random Updates on Random Stuff

2009-03-30T10:15:00.003-04:00

Yes, I managed to completely offend my one French reader and scare them away. I think we all saw that coming!

No, I still have not decided how I am going to celebrate the blogoversaries that are coming up. Yes, you may make your suggestions.

Yes, I am still up in arms about the auto makers bailout. The bailout can buy bad debt and throw more and more money after the financial sector without even the first argument from the public. But the idea of passing more money to the automakers is reprehensible. If you are so outraged by it go buy a car from the automakers and let them get their money the "honest" way. What? You don't have the funds to do that? Why don't you go get a loan? Oh yeah! Because the banks aren't loaning money. So what is happening to all the funds that are supposed to be freed up by the buy up of bad loans and the continuing interest cuts? I forgot. It's being used for bonuses. Silly me!

Shove it! Can we please do something to keep people in jobs? Beloved told me this morning that 30% of FedEx's business comes from GM. Still want to let GM go under?

I'm supposed to be updating you aren't I? Sorry. Let's see. Thank you to everyone who commented on my rant Saturday and on my faith tale yesterday. I'm still not sure what the point of my writing yesterday was.

I found Nadya Suleman's vlog yesterday although I can't remember where. Can we talk about selective information? You have to give her credit. She sure knows how to paint a good picture. And now that there is no one objective hanging around I guess that's the picture everyone will see. Good luck.

Oh and if you are needing a great chuckle today you absolutely must pop over to Jiggety Jigg's place and watch her movie. The Lego people are cracking me up!

I think that's about it for now. I'l probably be back in a while for a real news round up. Or not. We'll see.

Just Because it Happened

2009-03-29T15:27:00.005-04:00

I had an experience this morning in church and normally I wouldn't blog it because it was...well, unusual and very personal. But for some reason it keeps replaying in my mind and I have to let it out. I don't know what the point of my sharing is or even if there is one so don't think too hard on it. Unless of course you want to.

I went to church like usual this morning even though I woke up feeling just under the weather enough to wonder if I should. But I rounded up the children and got everyone ready and went anyway. I dropped everyone off at their usual classes and took my normal seat in the sanctuary. I sit in the very back pew off to one side with an older couple who adopted me. We're a pretty quiet trio.

Worship was it's usual inspiration and I was very peaceful. Announcements, doxology, offering. The offeratory song was one that I have always loved and quite honestly I can't remember which one it was right this second because what happened next completely changed the whole service for me. Remember how I sit at the very back of the sanctuary off to one side? From the second row directly in front of the pulpit I saw a woman stand up and start for the back of the church.

I couldn't take my eyes off of her and she was obviously crying. She hadn't made it to the middle of the sanctuary when I was suddenly standing up and dashing out the back door to meet her in the gathering area. I don't know why I did it; I just knew I had to. We took one look at each other and she grabbed me in one of the tightest hugs I have ever had.

I am an introvert. I really try to fade into the background of every scenario I find myself in. To suddenly find myself hugging a sobbing stranger was unbelieveable and in any other circumstance would have been painfully weird. I walked with her to the bathroom with absolutely no expectations except to grab some tissues and wipe eyes and noses. It was none of my business why she was crying; it was just obvious that she needed someone to be with her at that moment.

She suddenly opened up to me and shared her story. I don't think it's critical to know what was going on but she was in some very real pain. Two other ladies in the restroom at the time started to pour out advice to her and prayed with her and provided encouragement and I stood off to the side. I honestly didn't say a word.

When the other two had left she and I stood in the gathering area and just looked at each other for a minute. I of course had to make some witty crack about the fact that I want to go to kids heaven when I die because it's all about picnics, swings, slides and sunshine and she laughed and smiled. I gave her one more hug and went back to service.

After service I went to communion and was on my way back to gather my stuff and go snag the kids. I ran into her again and just smiled and shared a few more words. My church is pretty large so the chances that I will see her again next week are 50/50. I didn't give her any contact info to get in touch - not because I didn't want to but because it really didn't seem like the thing.

The whole experience was fleeting at best. I didn't really offer any profound advice or life changing encouragement. The only thing I really shared was a hug and a smile. So why did this have such a huge impact on me? Why is it replaying in my mind over and over? What am I supposed to do with this?

My faith tells me that there was a purpose. That somehow I helped her just by being a friend when she needed one. My faith tells me that someday I will see the outcome of this interaction. My faith tells me that I was compelled to write this out for a reason too. I don't know.

Maybe the story will inspire someone to leave their comfort zone for the sake of another. Maybe someone will write a letter to a long lost friend. Maybe someone in pain will read this and take hope that they aren't completely alone.

Maybe it was just for me.

Inquiring Minds Want to Slap People Around.

2009-03-28T07:30:00.000-04:00

Which should have a subtitle of "She Took The Leash off her Brain."

Sorry. It's been raining for four days again and I'm grumpy again tonight.

I want to know from my fellow bloggers, how often do you read through your reader? I mean REALLY visit the bloggers that once upon a time you liked enough to follow or add to your reader.

I honestly try to read through at least twice a day. Now my reader isn't that big and let me tell you why. Because I want to read through it. If you lose my interest I will blip you from my reader and that will be that. I am not afraid to unfollow.

It's not fair to you to have a bajillion followers who never read your stuff. And here's why I feel that way. I have 29 followers on this blog. I think a handful comment regularly. When I check my traffic trackers (yes, I'm spying on you) over half never really come by. Why? Did I suddenly go boring and you decided you didn't want to hurt my feelings by unfollowing? Don't do that! Be real! If I am boring rocks to sleep, feel free to unfollow my beige behind.

And it can't be because I never post new stuff. I post at least once if not twice a day. Except on the weekends. I try to take those off sometimes.

Here's my theory. Blogging is a very narcissistic project. You talk about yourself, your opinions, your "stuff," and to gain traffic you have to promote the fool out of your blog and in essence yourself. I think some people start to become so obsessed with the promotion and in essence themselves that they quick looking around.

Maybe that's why my Show me the Funny doesn't work so well. Because people are only looking at their own stuff for contributions instead of reading and sharing what made them laugh. I have to give a wheelbarrow full of kudos to Jen at TuTu's Bliss because the last two weeks she's been playing Funny with me and she actually links to other people on her blog that make her laugh. She gets it.

So now I ask again. How often are you reading through your reader? Should you even bother adding blogs to it if you're never going to read it?

Maybe I need to add another aspect to my blog - The Weekly Rant. People seem to like to be mad more than they like to laugh. Bet a ranting meme would rock the house. Once again the optimist is trapped in a pessimistic world.

Hey Georgia! Take Driver's Ed!

2009-03-27T09:29:00.009-04:00

The residents of my personal work camp fixed my soap box yesterday so I'm back up on it.

Georgia residents must take drivers ed. They have to. If they don't I demand that they turn in their car keys for bike helmets. You would think that people would be a lot more careful when they are pushing tons of metal around on the highways and by ways but not here in Georgia.

Let me give you a crash course people.

#1. When it rains you reduce your speed, turn on your wipers and headlights and you follow at a greater distance to allow for more stopping time. This does not mean drop to 20 miles an hour nor does it mean continue to barrel along at 70 like you normally do.

#2. A yellow light does not mean "Gun It!" It means slow down or maybe actually stop ahead of time so that you are not blocking the entire intersection thus snaggling traffic for people in the three roadways.

Especially do not block an intersection in front of a fire station. When stupid people like you get behind the wheel accidents happen and guess who gets called to the scene. The emergency personnel that you know have pinned down in their station. They have no qualms with plowing you out of the way and since they are bigger than you, something tells me you are going to get the short end of the stick.

#3. On the left side of your steering column there is a lever. You are probably familiar with it - it has the knob to turn on your headlights. But apparently there is something else you didn't know about it. If you push it up or down it locks and completes an electrical circuit that makes some lights on your car flash. You know what those flashing lights tell the rest of the drivers? That you intend to turn your car one direction or the other. Let me simplify it a little more for you - up is right; down is left.

One thing you should know about this wonderfully useful lever. It is most effective if you use it in advance of your turn. See, then the people behind you know what you intend to do before you do it. Using it in midturn is perfectly worthless.

#4. This one is a little tricky so I'll type slowly and use small words. The Yield sign means that you slow down or maybe even stop and give the right of way to the people coming down the road that you are turning onto. It does not mean that you should charge onto the six feet of roadway that you have left and shove your bumper in my wheel well while giving me one way directions with the appropriate finger. If I take your bumper home with me as a souvenir, guess who is getting the ticket for failure to yield. One hint. It ain't me.

And finally #5. And this is aimed at the lady in the black Audi who takes her children to the Creme de la Creme across the street from my subdivision. There is an enormous sign that says "No left turn." If you insist on continuing to make a left turn into the center, I will insist on removing your front bumper when I'm trying to get into my neighborhood without having my rear bumper and back seat ripped off by the people coming down the hill.

I will also be forced to sue the rings off your grill if I get T-boned because someone decided to use my turning lane as a travel lane trying to get around you and thus avoiding having their rear eaten by the cement truck that is barrelling down on them from the other side.

I'm sure there are about a million other rules of the road that you are oblivious to like how to merge, highway courtesy, and the definition of "speed LIMIT." Tip - they didn't print the sign like that because the word "suggestion" was too long. For now I will let you deal with our first five rules. Maybe next week we'll have another "Driving for Morons" course.

Until then, try not to kill anyone.

Show me the Funny! My Fantastic Finds!

2009-03-25T22:07:00.004-04:00

Welcome back Funny Fans! It's Thursday (and thanks to the pollen I'm zonked out on Benadryl - this should be fun!) and that means it's time for Show me the Funny! We didn't have a theme this week so if you are wondering if you missed something I assure you you did not.

It's a Free For All! Woo Hoo!

I did a little rooting around and scouring of the web this week to find you some new funny bloggers and sites. Let's hope that you find them as much fun as I did.

My new favorite bloggers to stalk are Dana and Joe over at Life is Good. Technically it's Dana's page but Joe is obviously a reliable source of fodder so I give him credit too. Join me in wishing them luck with their new plan to move to Florida - if they can take the neighbors.

Then I found Jeff Tomkins. His take on the worls is so similar to mine that I was thinking about asking him if I could send my clone to contribute to his blog but then I wondered what I was going to do with all my spare time. Anyway, if you want an idea of how similar we are you really must read his take on President Obama's recent gaffes. I should be on that PR crew.

And how could I turn down a blogger who refers to herself as Vodka Mom?! Uh oh! Mommy's drinkin' again! I Need a Martini Mom is probably not what you would expect from a kindergarten teacher but it just reminds you that teachers are sick twisted people that you trust your children too every day - good luck sleeping with that thought! Remind me not to join her circle of housesitting friends would ya? And you have to see what she's teaching her Kindergarten class about letter recognition.

This next one is for my pal Nut. We were just having a conversation about how the homework in elementary school has nothing to do with the children - it's parental competition. Well, Anna at Life Just Keeps Getting Wierder shared her take on it. Just watch your fingers; those glue guns can get HOT!!

And for our parting shot you have to check out J Jiggety. I am so frightened about sending Tuck to school now that I am shopping for homeschooling supplies. What am I going to pull out of HIS pockets next year?!

What did you find this week? Can you make me guffaw and laugh out loud? Try me! Or snag the button, blog your own and link back with linky! Don't forget to Live, Love and Laugh!!

Wordless Wednesday - Sudafed Season!

2009-03-25T10:13:00.004-04:00

Look at all the pretty flowers that are growing and blooming!

Add a little rain and you get to see what they brought with them!

Happy Sudafed Season everyone!

If you want to see what some REAL photographers were up to this week, check out more Wordless Wednesday at MomDot!

On a side note, it's another Free For All for Show me the Funny this week so I'll see you all tomorrow, right?

Two Cents Tuesday: Givin' It Up!

2009-03-23T22:31:00.006-04:00

Tuesday, Tuesday! (da da. da da da dum.) So good to me! A time when I can rant all I want for freeeeeeeee! Ok I'll spare you the rest but you should probably know that one of these days I'm going to vlog Two Cents Tuesday and you'll be stuck with the real songs throbbing in your brain all day long. And that is your warning.

Want to play Two Cents Tuesday with me? Well you can't. Not unless you vow to play Show me the Funny too. Ok, so that was a completely made up rule because TCT isn't even mine - it's Tu Tu's and she says that there are no rules and since it's her game she can do that. Because she's cool like that. And I'm really jealous.

What was I saying? Oh yes! Today's Two Cents - Giving. Now it's funny that this should be the topic this week. This week is the Rhino's birthday. And I have no present lined up. As a matter of fact his birthday is TOMORROW and I have no clue. And I have no chance to go snag one without him in tow.

Did I mention that this Mother of the Year candidate had to schedule his four year check up complete with shots ON his birthday? I honestly didn't have a choice people! He has to have the shots to register for school and registration is tomorrow and Thursday. And before you ask me why I didn't do it early, it's because the peds office wouldn't let me, OK?!?!

So for my son's birthday I'm giving him a trip to the pediatrician, shots and an audience as the girls have to go with me. This is going to ROCK! (You got the sarcasm, right?)

Let's take another spin on giving shall we? Lent and giving it up. I didn't do Lent this year. A) I'm only Catholic on paper and until my husband decides to take a real interest and teach me that's all the further I'll get. And B) the economy has pretty much shot all my little luxuries (all three that I had) already so there wasn't much more to give up. Except blogging and my sister would get the shakes if I quit for a while so that was out for the sake of family. (I can blame it on her, right? That's allowed?)

But my husband did give up some things. Soda - an annual favorite. French fries and fast food in general - no biggie since I've been packing lunch anyway. And sweets - pretty big considering me and my baking fetish. I don't really understand Lent that much. Aren't you supposed to give up something and in it's place spend that time and energy focusing on God and His sacrifice? Something tells me the fries weren't really what the church had in mind, but fries aren't that important to me so it wouldn't be a big sacrifice.

And how about one more take on giving. The phrase "givin' it up for..." I don't understand that phrase. Is it that strenuous to applaud or cheer for someone who has done a good job? Why do I have to "give it up?" Can't I just share a round of applause? How about show my appreciation for? Oh wait. That's not slang-y enough. But that's a whole different blog post. I don't get a lot of slang talk but we can talk about that later.

In the meantime, give it up for my pal TuTu and her Two Cents Tuesday! (aaaaaah, woot woot, cheer, roaring applause, etc.)

Social Commentary Day - Woo Hoo!

2009-03-23T11:26:00.004-04:00

I know how you all feel when I get on my soap box. Well, I really don't because you are a bunch of lurkers who won't comment unless I say something completely outrageous or confusing. Speaking of, did you hear it? I heard it for the first time this morning.

So back to soap box day and once again I am taking on the financial situation. I know it has been dubbed "the crisis" but I refuse to call it that. We all know that the economy has taken a serious hit. We all know that it was because of greed on a lot of people's part.

People who were eager to own a home even though they couldn't afford it took the plunge. Mortgage companies who knew they were taking a gamble decided that making what you can when you can was a great idea and they did the lending. Stock brokers and Wall Street execs who wanted to inflate their own stock prices and make more money decided to bundle these bad loans into investments. Guess who bought those stocks. The neighbor of the people who shouldn't have bought in the first place. Why? Because they thought they could make some money off of it.

So we all know that greed caused the problem. Can we stop covering it left and right on the news now? We know what happened. We don't need 2 Datelines in one week spelling it out for us. How does that help? We don't need everyone repeating the words "crisis, recession, Depression."

In case you didn't see the headlines this morning, February existing home sales were up 5.1%. Guess what happened on the market when they got that news? Oh look! The market went up. What can we learn? Stop being so pessimistic and dramatic about the whole thing. Focus on the good news and start teaching people to be responsible. Yes, I understand that it's serious and we can't paint it pink and call it healthy. But so far painting it black and calling it dead hasn't helped either.

But that's what happens when an optimist gets political.

In other news you should really pull up the odd news section of Yahoo today. I kid you not when I say that there are four toilet, bathroom or behind stories. Seriously! Brussels set a record for the longest line at a FAKE bathroom. Something is up with Bob Dylan's toilet and its smell. Clorox is taking on a Port-o-Potty arsonist. And an Australian kid got fined for accidentally flashing a female police officer.

Wait! Make that five if you count the lady whose dog ate $400 last week. Apparently she has recovered a lot of it. You don't really want to think about how.

I think the most fascinating story is the lady with the flaming water. I'm honestly a little scared for her. The most ridiculous part is that she has to wait until FRIDAY to talk to anyone about the problem. Sure. I'll live in a liquid bomb for a week while you take care of X, Y, and Z.

One more little brain junk bit for you. I came to a realization this weekend. You know who is REALLY responsible for the Nadya Suleman situation? TLC. Have you looked at their programming line up lately? We have Jon and Kate who started the whole thing. Add the Duggars and now the Hayes family with Table for 12. Is it any wonder Nadya (I refuse to call her the Octomom - that's just a horrible name) thought she was going to get all kinds of support and publicity for her family? Just one more railing against reality TV. Not everyone needs to be famous for being average.

From the Research Room this is T.B. Maid saying "May your water be blue and always go down."