Ahhhh, Butt Sniffing!

Guess who ended up coming home after all.

Guess who isn't fixed. 

Guess who spent the whole evening last evening sniffing butts. (And trying to "make friends and influence other 'male' dogs.")

Guess who had to explain the joys of butt sniffing (and other male dog behaviors) to her children. 

Guess whose children think butt sniffing is a great way to go. (They're undecided on the other behaviors.)

Guess who drinks out of the toilet.

Guess whose children think drinking out of the toilet is a great way to go.

Guess who is about to go swirly herself to make it all stop.

(For the rest of Walter's story you can visit the Zoo later today.  I'm sure there will be plenty to write about!)

Dear Ms. Manners (that would be you faithful readers)

I need some help addressing a strange and uncomfortable situation.

Our neighbors have sold their house and are moving in two weeks. As a way to say farewell, I planned and hosted a cookout this past Saturday. We of course invited the neighbors from the other side as well since we are all friends. On several occasions throughout the week I let everyone know that dinner was going to be served between 7:30 and 8. The topic came up as close to grilling time as the night before when one neighbor issued a mac and cheese challenge to the other.

All day Friday I worked to prepare food. All day Saturday I finished food and cleaned my house. Beloved was forced to stay an hour and a half late at his office but still made it home by 7:45. There was still a chance to eat on time. Until...

My phone rang and the second neighbor informed me that he was just leaving the grocery store where he was picking up the ingredients for his girlfriend's mac and cheese contribution. In other words, she had had the whole day and was just beginning her preparations at the time we had said we were going to eat. Neighbor then told me that it was his fault because he had been at work all day. That was corrected when the guests of honor told me that he had been at their house to watch the Kentucky Derby not two hours before when Guest of Honor had been making her contribution.

Beloved disappeared and had I not seen him pass the kitchen window, I would have had no idea where he was. At 8:30 I called the neighbor and asked to speak to my husband. I was then told that he was helping her cook and he would be back with everyone in "a few minutes." When he came back, the cook was conspicuously absent as was the bread for the spinach dip they agreed to bring and the mac and cheese.

At 9:30 we finally sat down to eat. I tried to make pleasant conversation with her and completely avoided any mention of the tardiness. I was ready to let bygones be bygones. The table was barely cleared from dessert when she vanished with our neighbor.

As a gesture of faith and forgiveness, I extended a second invitation yesterday for dinner. No requirements; no time constraints. "I won't commit because I would hate to screw things up a second time and be late." Her sarcasm was thick and abrasive.

And this is not the first time this has happened. Three weeks ago a Sunday brunch was planned at my house without my knowledge for 12:30. Beloved was making the steak and eggs; they were bringing the pancakes. I got home from church at 11 and scrambled to clean up and get ready for company only to have Beloved vanish at 12:45 and come back reporting that the pancake batter hadn't even been mixed up much less cooked.

I would excuse her behavior as youth but she is the same age as me. I would let the "he was working excuse slide" but she has a car and was home all day (except for that period when she was watching The Derby). I would even forgive the rejection of last night's dinner as being simply uncomfortable. The problem lies in the fact that this is my husband's good friend and to have strain between the two of us creates an uncomfortable situation for them.

So I ask you, should I speak to her and let her know that all is well? And if I speak to her and try to put it away, do I address the constant tardiness? How do I address this with either of them?

I am more and more convinced that common manners and social graces are dead. I don't expect anyone to play by ALL of Emily Posts rules any more. But to arrive two hours late to dinner which was delayed on their behalf and not even extend an apology, takes the manner decomposition to a whole new level.

Am I too old fashioned? Do I expect too much of people? Am I a fountain pen in a iMac world?

Well, I didn't go this far - but that's not to say I didn't think about it.

My Weekly Out of Character Moment

Apparently I am making a habit of this. The whole acting rashly out of character thing.

I treated the kids to some Old McDonald's today (their words not mine) and we took it to the park with us to snag our allotment of vitamin D. After we ate I of course turned them loose on the play equipment because full bellies + sunshine + fresh air + physical activity = nap. Right?

Everyone is climbing and sliding and swinging and all is well. It's the first beautiful Saturday in two weeks here so of course the park is crowded with house crazy families. Suddenly Tuck pops out of one of the tubes crying. When I asked him what was wrong he told me that "that little girl won't let me through." I was fully expecting to see a 12 year old stuck in the middle of the tube.

It was a little girl probably about four (the same age as Tuck) with her hand in Munch's face telling her "You're not gonna do it either" in the snottiest voice I've heard from a teenager much less a four year old. This is me leaving my body.

The normal me would have shot her a dirty look and moved my children to a different part of the park. Today I was not normal me. "Please move out of the way so other children can play. You are not the only one on the playground and you really need to share." In my brain I was asking myself who was talking.

Snots McFly decided that sure, she would move out of the way. She made her way through the rest of the equipment, down the slide and straight to me. "You aren't very nice to talk to me that way." And she stood there with her hands on her hips like I owed her an apology. This is me not even thinking about returning to my body.

"It's not very nice of you to be rude to smaller children and to talk so disrespectfully to an adult so save your speech for someone else."

It's that voice again! Where is it coming from? Now I am pretty sure that if her people had been around I never would have talked to her that way, so what made me do it today? Was it because her people were no where to be seen? Was it because there were a lot of smaller toddler size children on the playground and I was making a preemtive strike on their behalf? Or was it the fact that I am so tired of mannerless children running amuk on the planet that I finally took a stand?

I am not proud of my behavior at all and maybe I crossed a line. I probably did. Who lets a four year old rile them like that? Just the same, what would you have done? Would you have moved on like Normal Me? Would you have sought out the parents and had a conversation? Or would you have drop kicked her like a penalty shot on an open goal like Out of Body Me?

This parenting thing just keeps getting more complicated.

"Woman" or "Lady?"

Another random thought from the bowl from the past.

Now other than the "why am I the only one who does this?" and the "am I the only one who can change a roll around here?" thoughts that I have on a daily basis, I often get struck by pretty deep thoughts while cleaning the toilet. I don't know why! Maybe it's because I'm trying to distract myself from what I'm doing. Maybe it's a mindless task that I would rather not dwell on. Who knows.

But here's today's thought. What is the difference between a "woman" and a "lady?"

You see them used interchangeably all the time. "There was a woman behind me..." "There was this lady..." But I maintain that they are not the same thing. In my book "woman" is our gender but "lady" is a reflection on our behavior.

A lady uses a napkin; not her sleeve. A lady wipes her nose; not a honking blow. A lady doesn't curse in public and limits it in private. (I know a lot of you will take issue with that but that's my opinion and I'm entitled to it!). A lady is gracious and polite and uses tact.

Is there anything wrong with letting the "woman" out from time to time and letting a good sailor streak go? Absolutely not! I've had a few of those in the past few days. But I have to tell you; they weren't my crowning moments. Have I honked a time or two and in church at that? You bet your Puffs I have! Allergy season was probably in play at which point I don't care about anything but keeping my eyes from vacating my skull from the sinus pressure. Have I used my shirt tail to wipe a random face or nose? Absolutely but that's more "Mom" than anything else.

I'm just saying that there's a difference.

Oh! I forgot one...a lady puts the lid down!