Journey on a Winding Road: Could there be a Better Day?

This has been absolutely one of the worst days in a long while. I barely slept last night despite going to bed at 10:30. I woke up with strange dreams; I couldn't get comfortable in my own bed; my brain was running like a freight train. I woke up more exhausted than when I went to bed.

The children have been fighting all day. And not just "He's picking on me!" fighting. They have been pulling hair, attempting to scratch faces, squealing, screaming and generally in one another's faces to the point that I'm not sure which child is which.

The noise has been beyond unbearable. The cacophany of squeals and screeches has smashed into the glaring yaps and barks of the two dogs trying to chase squirrels off the deck from inside the house. The TV's clamor has only compounded the already pounding ruckus and chaos.

And my ears seem to be the only ones registering any sound. "Please clean up your playroom, " was met with jumping up and down and screaming and wailing and gnashing of teeth. I had to leave the room to control my temper and apparently did a really pitiful job of it because my hairbrush snapped in half in my hands.

I would cry but I can't. I would yell but that would just be more noise. I would take a nap but what's the point? My body seems completely unfamiliar with all versions of rest.

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And that is what a bad day looks like to me. On a good day I would have told you that the children were making me crazy with their picking at one another. The dogs never would have registered and I would have used words like "whining," "temper fit," "giggles," and "shrill laughter."

On a good day I would still have a hairbrush. On a good day I would throw in the towel, pop some popcorn and let us all just veg out for the afternoon.

But today isn't a good day. Today I am on a low. Today I am facing the fact that I am one of millions of Americans with undiagnosed depression who has not sought professional help and who probably won't because of the stigma that I see attached to it.

Perception is reality so this is my perception and therefore my reality in regards to depression. People who are suffering from depression are on medications that they cannot function without. Women who are suffering from depression are one missed snack away from becoming unfit mothers who can't distinguish hallucinations from reality. Admitting depression means I need to be on a couch somewhere discussing my childhood with a perfect stranger in an attempt to regulate my medication.

Is any of this true? Absolutely not! Women can be good mothers and still cope with depression. People who are on medications for depression are just like people who being treated for any other ailment - they are doing it to feel better. Depression does not equal therapy although some people can benefit from it and resolve some of the causes of thier depression through the treatment.

This is where I am beginning my journey. But because I have a serious aversion to going to the doctor; because I would rather shove bamboo under my finger nails than even attempt taking an asprin; because I inherited incredible stubbornness from my grandfather, I am going to take every step and "natural" path I can before I look to a doctor and pharmaceuticals. Call it foolish. Call it making things harder. But it's my journey.

I hope to share successes and failures. I'll be researching and studying and sharing my journey but don't worry. The Bowl won't be dedicated to me and my situation. Depression is a PART of my life but not every day is a bad day.

Because I'm not a Big Fat Liar.

It's the New Year. Everyone is reflecting on the year that has past and planning for the year to come. I wish I could say that I was living on the edge and doing nothing of the sort but that would make me a Big Fat Liar.

All over the place people are sharing their reflections and their plans and resolutions. And I wish I could say that I'm going to give you a break on all of that. But again - Big Fat Liar. I would prefer to start the new year with a better reputation than that so I will take the high road.

The Year in Review. I was an at home mom for the whole year. I started a motivational/accountability group over at Cafe Mom and developed a really strong core of friends who take me for what I am in all of my nonsense. It was at their encouragement that I started a blog. Which led to another blog (that would be this one). Yes the Bowl is the red headed step child and before anyone gets offended, I'm a red head too! Get over it. Blogging led to becoming a part of the MomDot community which in turn led to another group of friends.

Sunrise? Sunset?

I started knitting and sewing again. I became close with a neighbor only to have her life completely change and suddenly she was gone. I met my in laws for the first time (don't even ask) and watched my sister in law get married with my children's assistance. Beloved got a promotion, and we survived all the long hours and training only to have the economy tank and endure the crush of a demotion.

I watched history be made through the political process and I welcomed my brother in law home from Iraq. I cruised through the holidays with minimal stress and even managed to pull off another homemade holiday that meant more to my family than any time I could have spent in the mall (which I managed to avoid for the entire holiday season!).

And here I am. Sitting at the jumping off point of a new year. I would love to tell you what is in store. In a continued effort to avoid the Big Fat Liar label, I won't even try. I did not make any resolutions. I am not making any plans. There is something about going into the new year with an empty basket that is strangely exciting.


Every year is a journey. This year I plan to open my personal journey up a little more and let folks get to know the me that tries to live outside the walls of the Zoo.


So Happy New Year. May your goals be realistic. May your motivation be steady. And may you be surrounded by people who love you even when you fall down.

Bumper Sticker People

I know! Two vlogs in one day! But mainly because this was faster than trying to type it while Munch climbed all over me. And vecause I have pizza to make and drinks to mix. Happy New Year!! Be smart! Be safe and I'll catch you when I roll out from under the ball!

Wordless Wednesday

Showing me his muscles in his new "football gear."

Daddy's opinion of the football gear. (He's a Bills fan!)

Why do I feel like I might be sewing up some red and blue in the very near future?

I'm a Little Weirded Out!

Peruvian Jesus born to Virgin Mary on Christmas

Mon Dec 29, 10:02 am ET Reuters

LIMA (Reuters) – Virgin Mary, a 20-year-old Peruvian woman, gave birth to a baby boy on Christmas day and named him Jesus, Peru's state news agency said on Friday.

The baby's father, Adolfo Jorge Huamani, 24, is a carpenter. Religious Peruvians compared him to Joseph the Carpenter in the Bible.

"Two thousand years later the story of Bethlehem is relived," read the headline about the birth in El Comercio, the main newspaper in Peru, a predominantly Catholic country.

The mother, Virgen Maria Huarcaya, delivered the 7.7 pound (3.5 kg) boy, Jesus Emanuel, in the early hours of Christmas at the central maternity hospital in Lima, the capital.

"A few days ago we had decided to name my son after a professional soccer player," the father said. "But thanks to a happy coincidence this is how things ended up."

(Reporting by Terry Wade; Editing by Vicki Allen)

So try to digest this. By coincidence, her name is Mary. He is a carpenter. And their son was born on Christmas.

I mean, sure why not name him Jesus Emanuel? I hope the children in Peru are kinder than the children in the States. That poor little guy would be in for some serious harassment don't you think? I think maybe they should have stuck with their original plan and named him after a soccer player but that's just my take. I'd love to know how you feel about it!

Pregnant for 20 years!

Arkansas family welcomes 18th child, a girl

Thu Dec 18, 8:46 pm ET

ROGERS, Ark. – An Arkansas woman has given birth to her 18th child. Michelle Duggar delivered the baby girl by Caesarean section Thursday at Mercy Medical Center in Rogers. The baby, named Jordyn-Grace Makiya Duggar, weighed 7 pounds, 3 ounces and was 20 inches long.

"The ultimate Christmas gift from God," said Jim Bob Duggar, the father of the 18 children.
"She's just absolutely beautiful, like her mom and her sisters."

The Duggars now have 10 sons and eight daughters.

Jim Bob Duggar said Michelle started having contractions Wednesday night. She needed the C-section, her third, because the baby was lying sideways. Jim Bob said both baby and mother were doing well Thursday night.

"We both would love to have more," he said.

The cable network TLC broadcasts a weekly show about the Duggars, called "17 Kids and Counting." Chris Finnegan of TLC — which handles public relations for the Duggar family — said the show's name would be updated to account for the latest addition to the family. He said TLC also will air a show Monday on the baby's delivery.

Jim Bob Duggar is 43, a year older than his wife. Their oldest child, Joshua, is 20.
The other Duggar children, in between Joshua and Jordyn-Grace, are Jana, 18; John-David, 18; Jill, 17; Jessa, 16; Jinger, 14; Joseph, 13; Josiah, 12; Joy-Anna, 11; Jeremiah, 9; Jedidiah, 9; Jason, 8; James, 7; Justin, 6; Jackson, 4; Johannah, 3; and Jennifer, 1.

"Our whole family is excited about Jordyn's addition to our family," Jim Bob Duggar said. "She's just perfect in every way."

(This version CORRECTS the name of the Duggars' TLC show to '17 Kids and Counting,' not 'Seventeen and Counting.'))

I went to an engagement party a few weeks ago and was toasting my friends because 2008 is the first year in five that I have not been pregnant for some portion of the year. I was happy. I was elated, delighted and thrilled.

You understand that this woman has been pregnant for some portion of every year for 20 years. She's 42. Almost half of her life has been spent being pregnant.

I love children. Mine make me crazy sometimes and I threaten to sell them at least once a day (if not hour as it seems lately!) but I love them just the same. I even help friends out by taking care of their children on a semi-regular basis. I worked in a day care center for 3 years and was responsible for up to 105 children. It wasn't the best job but I had fun and enjoyed the parents.

But PREGNANT for 20 years?!?!?!?! And they would "love to have more." Really? I guess at this point it's not really that big of a deal because you have built in babysitters so you can get a break on a pretty regular basis.

Morning sickness. For 20 years. Thank you but no! But you tell me, why would YOU avoid being pregnant for 20 years? Or are there some of you out there who are all on board with this?

20 YEARS, people!!

Dear Mrs. Claus...

I am appealing to you this year because we all know who the REAL power behind the sleigh is. I have to applaud you. If your elves are operating on even a third of the obnoxious scale my own "elves" are you are the real Saint in your family. And to play host to 8 smelly critters? Because we all know that the mom is the one who feeds and cleans up after them. Just gotta say that YOU are my hero.


I need some advice. I e-mailed my wish list to Daddy-O and it got inadvertently deleted - at least that's the story he's sticking too. Then I went through the sale flyers and made him a pictoral list which I found buried under a pile of pocket lint this morning. And he dared to ask me what I wanted for Christmas this morning! I'm sure you, oh, keeper of the cocoa and gingerbread, know what I'm getting at. May I please leave my list with you?

#1. See those really great boots? May I have those in black please?
#2. Those sweater turtlenecks would be great. Green, red and cream colored please. And if you could grabbed a couple pairs of Levis to go with them that would be great too!
#3. The printer pooped out. I would love one that would print straight from my camera's memory card.
#4. So the dog (a Christmas gift from 8 years ago?) has chewed the crap out of my comforter. Could I possibly get a new set that goes with the new paint? Some nice throw pillows and art for the wall would be great!
#5. A couple of pullover hoodies would be wonderful. I've lost two zipper pulls from my favorite hoodies and, well, they are ancient.
#6 & 7. I am officially the last person on the planet to own some version of an Ipod. And if I'm going to have one it would be helpful if I had a base to plug it into so that our entertaining on the deck would be a little more interesting.

#8. How great would it be if I could gather live footage for you and the Big Guy for your naughty and nice evaluations next year? So the whole DVD Recorder would be awesome (and it would get me some real brownie points with the grandparents)!
And finally #9. Imagine how much more blogging I could get done with a laptop completely decked out with a web camand wifi!!!! I could take multitasking to a whole new level! And you of all people should recognize how important that is.

I really appreciate you taking time to look at this for me. I know you are an incredibly busy lady this time of year - what with boots to trip over and elves to herd from work shop to work shop. If the big guy can only squeeze in one or two of those I have to say that the laptop and printer would be at the top!

Merry Christmas Mrs. C! I appreciate you!