Bizarre News Wrap Up!

What would my triumphant return week be without a little T.B. Maid reporting?  Again if you have just joined us since my hiatus, this is the part of the blog where I go in search of all the absolutely absurd news I can find and make fun of it.  Brace yourself - this is when it gets (not so) good!

Here's a little tidbit I found today - Wacky crimes: The best of police blotters from Palm Beach County and the Treasure Coast
This is perfect!  It's an end of the month round up of all the loonies and their antics.  And the paper does it EVERY month.  How great is that paper!  You have to read through a few of these blurbs.  I think my personal favorite is the guy who ratted out his own weed operation - IN THE BUFF!

Here's a reason to clean out the car. - Bear crashes in runaway car
How do you explain that to your parents?  "I swear Mom! I parked the car right there!  Oh, look!  There it is...and a bear is eating the interior."  Better yet, how would you like to be the adjuster assigned to that claim?

This just strikes me as a bit gross. Churchill's dentures fetch nearly $24,000
Why in the name of dental floss would anyone want a pair of 60+ year old dentures?  Yes, Mr. Churchill was a fantastic man.  Sure World War II artifacts are cool.  Not sure this one is one of the cool ones.  But the bigger question is, how exactly does a pair of dentures correct a lisp?

And this one gives me some inspiration to keep working out.  Florida great-grandma takes a bite out of crime
She is 73 years old!  Not only does she have the gumption to bite the bad guy but she hangs on to a (I have to assume) speeding truck as it tears down the highway.  The last line got me - she almost lost a tooth.  Take that Churchill!  You're fancy pants bajillion dollar dentures can't do THAT!

And let's wrap up with one from right here in the neighborhood (ok, across town but when you read this you'll know why I'm ready to let them STAY across town).   Armored escort for Snellville's snail ornament
First we protest the snail as a mascot.  Then we buy Sunday liquor sales by telling folks they can have their snail if they pass the ordinance.  Now we will be providing an armored transport for snail ornaments to get to a...farmer's market?  Look at that Es Car Go!

So there you have it..all the news that SHOULDN'T have been reported!  But before I go, let's get a photo of the week, shall we?

Yes, those are safety pins but don't worry.  They're just glued on.  I have yet to figure out why but if anyone knows Lucy McRae of Australia, perhaps they could ask and get back to me.

This is T.B. Maid reporting.  May your water stay blue and always go down!

Clean out Your Car, Stankle Butt!

My hubby brought me a gift a few months ago. It's a darling wire bound journal that is made of all recycled materials. And it even came with an awesome pen.

Where ever did you find this? It's really cute!

Someone left it in a car. (My hubby works for a dealership.)

And you just lifted it?

It was under a seat and they didn't call back when we let them know it was there. (I've gained Oakley sunglasses this way too.)

Thank you dear! It really is sweet of you.

Fast forward to Wednesday afternoon in the carpool lane. I had a neat little thought for a blog post so I picked up my darling little journal and flipped it open. To this.

I promise this is an actual scan of the page in my journal. I spit Capri Sun all over the steering wheel and dash when I found it. And of course I immediately called my husband at work.

I'm keeping the page. It only seems right. And it makes me smile.

Bumper Sticker People

I know! Two vlogs in one day! But mainly because this was faster than trying to type it while Munch climbed all over me. And vecause I have pizza to make and drinks to mix. Happy New Year!! Be smart! Be safe and I'll catch you when I roll out from under the ball!

Can Anyone Spell B-R-A-T?

I am having some trouble trying to decide if I should laugh or if I should be disturbed about how coddled this child must be!

An eight year old (I'm thinking third grade?) German boy stole his teachers keys, fired up her compact and crashed it into a Volvo. Why? Because his teacher sent him out of class and he was going home to tell Mommy! Now I have an imagination but even I can't make this stuff up!!

Disgruntled 8-year-old boy crashes teacher's car

When I was eight I was still learning to ride my bike. If I was acting up so bad that I needed to be sent out of class, my parents were the last people I wanted to see!

*But this child steals his teacher's keys. Yeah, that morals lesson stuck!

*He tries to drive her car. Because his parents have taught him so much about safety and endangering others!

*And he's doing it all because he's going home to whine to Mommy about being treated unfairly? Good job on teaching your child consequences!

Over $10,000 in damages were done. In my house that child would never have an allowance again! And you know he wasn't covered by his parents' insurance.

But let's look at this again. How in the world did this child get out of the school without someone noticing? How long do you think it's going to take for someone to sue the school for negligence? And how much do you think they'll win?

The world has gone mad I tell you! Mad!!