And Here are your Headlines for Today!

I love it when a headline from the Odd News catches my eye and sucks me in. It's like a mental train wreck and I can't help but stare. The real question is how do I get a job writing some of these articles? I mean this stuff is priceless and I have to think that laughing at the stupidity in this world would be one truly awesome job.

(I'm no Walter but I'll dedicate this coverage to his memory anyway - I hear he had a pretty good sense of humor.)

Here's the one that sucked me in.
Chinese bride trains eye on wedding dress record
I'm wondering how giddy this little bride is going to be when she realizes that a train that is 1.2 MILES long weighs a ton. And why in the world did they stop at 9,999 roses? Why not go for that one extra rose that put them at an even 10,000? Would it have really made that big of a difference? I love Mom's reaction "It's a waste of money." Just like a mom to look at the practicality of the issue.

Fans urged to drink whisky to ward off swine flu
I'm sorry but this made me laugh in a big way. They actually thought they needed to tell Russian soccer fans to drink? I guess maybe they had to announce the switch from vodka to whiskey. See if that had been Ireland there would have been no issue!

One dead in ear-cleaning salon attack
This one just freaked me out. First of all there are ear cleaning salons?! I am grossed out on so many levels right now. And how can a person get so attached to their "cleaner" that they feel the need to follow them home and stab them and their family?! You kill a person because of stubborn ear wax? That's a whole new line of defense!

Underweight team told to eat at least 15 eggs a day
I get it that it's a rugby team and you want them to be big burly guys and all. But aren't you even the least bit worried that they'll have heart attacks on the field? 15 eggs a day?! That cholesterol level has to be off the charts!

Kiss warning issued for rock festival due to flu
No real commentary about this story in particular. I mean I think the name of the festival is funny - Wacken Open Air Festival but that's not what got me. No, open this link and look at the picture that goes with it. Do you see the two senior citizens in the windsuits in the very front of the crowd? They're there for Napalm Death - I'm sure of it!

And now this last one. Nothing funny about it. Just sheer amazement and chin dropping.
Police find train "suicide" woman in bed
She got hit by a train. She made her way home. She went to bed. HOW?! I'm sorry but if I get hit by a train I'll be lucky if I make it back onto the platform. And she only had a broken arm?! I'm blown away.

And there's all the news that's fit to report today! From the Research Room this is T.B. Maid saying "May your water be blue and always go down!"

How Long Before They Get Their First ROFLMBO?

Waterloo, Iowa has launched a program that allows people to text to 911.

Take a minute and think about this. I've taken 24 hours and I'm still a little cloudy. Texting 911.

Now I understand if you have been in a car accident and you have a facial injury that makes it difficult to speak or makes your speech indiscernable. But are you really going to be able to think clearly enough to send a coherent message?

And yes I get that the hearing impaired can use the service but didn't they have the TTY service for 911 already?

Well, what about the home invasion scenario? I'm pretty sure the invaders make a point to take the phones away, don't they? Maybe if you get not so bright home invaders. And yes Katie Couric says that there are instances of people texting to friends to call for help when they've been kidnapped but how many instances have there actually been?

I just wonder how cost effective this idea really is. How many people are really going to use this service? How much training is going to have to go into teaching 911 operators to translate these messages? Because you know there are going to be abbreviations created specifically for emergencies.

CC. 2A, 3C, 1 BA, 2 BL.

I mean you understood that I was saying "Car Crash involving 2 adults, 3 children. 1 Broken Arm and 2 Broken Legs," right?

I just don't think I get it completely. Would YOU ever send a text message to 911? Why do I think that I see yet another governmentally induced money sucking whirpool in the making?

The Age Old Question

And not the questions that a certain friend of mine has taken to asking of late. Nothing about trees falling, where people park their cars, or even the great chicken egg dillema. None of those earth shaking, world crisis averting questions.


How old does she look?


Every woman reading just had a collective chill run up their spine and felt that tightening nausea in their stomachs. Why do people ask that question? Don't they know the traumatizing potential in that answer? And don't they realize the position they are putting the interrogated individual in? Strip them naked on the Grand Old Opry stage, hook them to a polygraph and shine a spotlight dead in their face why don't you? It might be more comfortable.


We went to dinner with some friends Saturday evening and Beloved, apparently unaware of the emotional peril contained in the question, asked the other female in the party that very question about me.


27. And the answer came back fast and very matter of factly.


Now as the mother of three under 6 and a woman who tries (sometimes very hard) to stay at least in the shadow of fitness, there were two directions my brain went with this.


Path A - Nice! All that yoga and swimming and walking and water have actually come to serve some purpose this summer. My scale may be in denial that I did any of it but perception is reality people.


Path B - Come on already! Haven't I earned my stripes? Do I really still look like someone fresh out of college? Don't I at least look like I could be the responsible parent of one or two? I have worked really hard for my thirty (mumble, mumble) years!


And it's not the first time THIS WEEK that I have been mistaken for someone much younger than my thirty somethings. Thursday I was purchasing some adult refreshments at the grocery store and of course my children were with me. The lady behind me in line was giving me a shady look when I presented my ID to the cashier. He cleared me and her countenance visibly relaxed with the return of my ID. It was odd but I wasn't going to make a big deal. The cashier remarked that I was only 2 years older than him and he thought I was actually younger than him. I didn't take offense because I know him and see him at the store regularly.


But then Snarky Eyes chimed in with "Really?! Those children are yours? I thought you were the babysitter!" Because every babysitter I've ever hired takes the children out to buy adult beverages. What?!


But back to the question. What if the friend at dinner had come back with 37? What if she had given me EXTRA credit for my years? How would I have felt then? Would I have been motivated to come home and do midnight pilates? Would I have been proud of my maturity?


And why do I even care? I am as young as I feel, right? But then if that's the case the popping in my ankles, knees and hips has me at 92 with one foot on a banana peel.


Maybe I'll stick with the 27 after all.

My take on the Crowley-Gates Fiasco.

I've resisted commenting on this news story because it's very tender and sensitive and I don't do that very well. I worry about offending people and tend to back off of my true opinion in an attempt to avoid confrontation and drama. But I think I need to share my warped little perspective on this.

First things first. I have to guess that the questions weren't submitted to the press secretary before the press conference. It was just dumb luck that the President called on Lynn Sweet of the Chicago Sun Times with three minutes of air time left. But even so, don't you think the very intelligent people that our President has around him thought to prepare for this question? Yes, the press conference was intended to discuss the healthcare issue but come on! Such meat as this for media and you think they are going to blow right past asking Obama about it? Didn't you put any talking points together for him ahead of time just in case? You're fired!

Secondly, Mr. President, you are the most powerful man in our nation and you are garnering a lot of respect from around the world. You don't HAVE to give your opinion on every issue. A simple, "I think we'll leave that up to the fine folks in Cambridge to sort out" would have been sufficient.

And now finally. beer in the Rose Garden. I'm pretty sure Mrs. Wilson would not be giddy about her garden being used for a boys poker night but then again you drew the line at the pretzels and brewskies.

Please tell me that we are finally done with this. The charges have been dropped; the gentlemen agreed to disagree on whatever the initial issue was; and Joe Biden stuck to non alcoholic drinks at the poker game. I think we're safe to move on now. Oh and Lynn, next time you do your homework, please try not to pick such a shiny object. We Americans are easily distracted from the real issues at hand - especially when they twinkle.

Wow! I'm glad they cleared that up!

From the same people who brought you the Finger Length Study and the Apostrophe Crusade we now have Tell me the Obvious!

Study: Tanning beds definitely cause cancer

England, you are definitely climbing my V-8 list! Now if you didn't read the article (because we all know how often people REALLY click on the embedded link) let me give you the run down. Tanning bed use is on the rise. Incidents of skin cancer are on the rise in the same age demographic. Therefore what we have always known to be a pretty obvious truth has been confirmed. Now we have just thrown enough money at "research" to claim it as a fact.

But here's one of my favorite parts of the article.

The new classification means tanning beds and ultraviolet radiation are definite causes of cancer, alongside tobacco, the hepatitis B virus and chimney sweeping, among others.

Well there goes my life long goal of being a chimney sweep! I find it very hard to believe that climbing inside what is pretty much the same thing as preburnt cigarette guts could cause cancer. How could that be?!

Oh, but there's more!

Cogliano said the classification means experts are confident that tanning beds cause cancer, but he noted they may not be as potent as other carcinogens like tobacco or arsenic.

Huh. Imagine that. Tanning beds are safer than arsenic. Good to know.

Now I know that some humans are just downright oblivious and pretty darn stupid. But isn't anyone else a little offended that science still thinks that we are too stupid to put together that UV rays from the sun can cause cancer so therefore UV rays from a machine will probably do the same thing?

Someday common sense is going to make a comeback. I hope it's not too soon! What would I blog about then?

I Blame OJ.

Yesterday I mentioned that I would be revisiting this nagging media circus issue. I blame it all on OJ.


I was a junior in high school when the infamous Bronco chase took over TV's across the nation. I remember this because I was in the hospital at the time and was actually watching a baseball game when I got interrupted. I was pretty ticked.


I was a freshman in college when the verdict was handed down. That means the fiasco covered 3 years of my life. 3 years!! And it was all televised. Remember? Court TV made their mark and the news media provided an update on the days proceedings every. single. day.


Prior to that I can't say that I remember there ever being any kind of fuss over a celebrity's indiscretions or law enforcement issues. There may have been because I grew up without TV so I may have missed it all - well, not missed it but avoided being inundated by it. But just the same, I don't think it was ever glamourized like it is now.


But I question the integrity of these "public" court cases. The Scott Peterson and Casey Anthony cases are prime examples. Just how impartial can a jury be when every newspaper and television is blaring details about the case that may or may not be official, confirmed or even a shadow on the investigative picture? Nancy Grace gave Casey Anthony a black eye before the police even got to her and while it panned out this time, what would have happened if it hadn't? Would my pal Nancy have given a third of the time to her apology?


I guess my point is that until the public makes it clear that we don't want all the nitty gritty details until they are substantiated, I don't think we can really have justice. Look one more time at Michael Jackson's case. The media made a big deal about the doctor's staff removing boxes from the storage unit. Who's to say those weren't files for completely unrelated patients that were being referenced for completely unrelated reasons? And yet it was immediately all over the "news" and more suspicions were raised.


It's nonsense. If I was a great activist I would stage a boycott of the news organizations. I would slam their in boxes and mailboxes with mail asking them to refrain from glorifying criminals to celebrity status. I would insist that celebrities and sports figures who commit crimes be blacklisted and never allowed to appear on TV, a movie screen, or a sports field until they had done years of community service and proved themselves to be respectable role models worthy of being admired.


But I'm not all those things. So instead I will sit here at my computer and blame OJ. He started it all.

Playing Catch up - Good Try Fans!

I know what you were trying to do. You almost succeeded too. But I am strong.

You tried very hard to draw me out of my bloggy vacation by providing ridiculous amounts of absurd news stories for me to comment on and rail about. You almost got me with Michael. I was teetering on the brink of breaking blog silence to rant and rave but I kept it together. I had to turn the TV off for 3 weeks but I resisted the urge.

Well no more!! Bloggy silence has been broken so here it comes!

Well done in commemorating his musical legacy and life. I did not watch the memorial in its entirety but I did catch the highlights on the news several million times. Very well done.

Now let go.

Seriously! I do not need to know every detail of the will. I don't need to know when his mother sneezes in court while trying to sort out the custody issues. I don't want to hear about the TP that fell off the doctor's administrative assistant's foot while she was getting boxes out of the storage area. I hope for his children's sake there is enough to cover his debts and still leave them something to provide for their care and future but quite honestly that's up to his family and his estate. I don't need to hear about it!

He was a man. He could have died at 50, 72, or 96 by natural or unnatural causes but he was going to die and I think with his history we all knew there wasn't going to be anything too terribly natural about it. But he was going to die either way. There is absolutely no reason for the media and the nation to turn itself inside out like this for A MAN.

Four other celebrities have died. Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Billy Mays, and Walter Cronkite are no longer on the planet. I haven't heard the first thing about their estates, autopsies or final arrangements. They each got a 15 minute tribute on the Today Show and CNN and it was done. I was barely around for Elvis and John Lennon so someone needs to weigh in and let me know if this same circus took place for their demise. I'll retract the whole thing if someone can demonstrate for me that it's a musician thing.

Until then, I'm over it.

But I have a nagging question (and I'll probably revisit it tomorrow). Wouldn't the investigation into any shady circumstances go a little better if the media wasn't reporting every move the investigators made? I mean when my children have a look out in position they can hide all manner of evidence of wrong doing and they are only 5, 4, and 2. How much stuff do you suppose the medical staff has been able to hide when the media is giving them a perpetual heads up on every aspect of the investigation?

Enough is enough. Let the investigators handle the circumstances. Let the family handle the estate. And move on to more important news stories. Like how contagious are VP and Pres gaffes in the media and press conferences?!