The P.P.P. Has Taken Over my Life!

And I feel bad because I haven't updated you all on my progress but I'll explain and hopefully you'll get it when I done.

My last update was at the end of September and since then I have jumped into the deep end of the ocean. When we last talked I was venturing into the 600 pages of Mr. Dumas' The Count of Montecristo which once again did not dissapoint me. This has to be on my list of favorite books of all time because it's so much more than a tale of revenge. Revenge, justice, despair, insanity, love, devotion, and culture. I ate it whole. But it's a bit of a dark tale too so I thought I would follow it up with a nice lighthearted read.

I had read about Traveling with Pomegranates on The Housewife Diaries when she was giving a copy away and I thought it would be a fascinating read. A mother daughter team traveling through Greece and France together on a journey to reestablish their relationship in the later years of life. What I failed to grasp when I fell in love with the concept was the deeper side of the book. The mother is venturing through menopause and a spiritual journey. The daughter is coming to grips with depression and finding her "necessary fire" - that one thing that she must do with her life to become whole. Again I devoured the book but I was left in a place that kept me from my keyboard. What was going to come out of my fingers the next time I sat down? The confused rumblings of my brain or something that was better left on the pages of a personal journal rather than an open letter to the web?

My choices could have been better when creating my book lineup because no sooner had the brain pool settled than I jumped into The Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood. Yes, dark waters indeed in this pool that I have been swimming in.

On a side note, as I was getting ready to read I scanned the back cover of the Ya Ya's and found http://www.ya-ya.com/. I was just goofing off when I asked for my Ya Ya name through the generator but my jaw fell open when it came back as Duchess Shedding her Fears. Now do you understand why I say The P.P.P. has taken over my life?

Most people have seen the movie by now I'm sure, but the book takes the time to go places that weren't allowed in the movie. The greater reach into Vivi's brain; the deeper impact on Sidda's relationships; the real love between the Ya Ya's. I saw parts of myself again in The Divine Secrets and wished that my own Ya Ya's were closer to me.

And now I sit at my desk and stare at A Tale of Two Cities. I'm almost afraid to open it because even though it's about the French Revolution and Paris and London and a pair of lovers, what's to say I won't find myself again? I have to tell you that I'm 15 pages in and finding the rythm and getting familiar with the book language that it is written in has taken some serious work.

So the grand tally: I have read 8 books which leaves 42 more in 45 weeks. I am definitely on track but the real challenge will be keeping it up during the holiday season which for us has already started. October always kicks it off with a parade of birthdays, pumpkin patching, Halloween and then right into November with more birthday and my all time favorite - Thanksgiving.

Thank you to my fans who have been checking up on me. I'm still here even if I am a bit worse for the wear mentally. Happy reading gang!

Journey on a Winding Road: Destroying the Stereotype

I think I shared when I first started this journey that even admitting I had a problem was a huge deal for me. I've been asking myself why? Why is it so hard to admit that you are sick? And yes! Depression is an illness. The Center for Disease Control has a department dedicated to mental illnesses and within that department significant resources dedicated to the study and treatment of depression.

If the CDC recognizes it, then it really is a illness.

I found one report in particular that really meant a lot to me. It's mostly statistics but if you can wade through it you will see some very startling facts.

Less than 50% of people who have SEVERE depression actually consult a health professional.

It's actually only 39%. People who have lesser degrees seek assistance even less. I am a perfect example. The whole point of The Journey is to see if I can find any other way to deal with my own depression.

Why don't people seek help more often? Why haven't you? I know that there are several sleeper readers who struggle with this issue because I have received e-mails from them. They won't leave their comment here on the post because it's out in the open then. It's a form of admitting that there is a problem. Why is it such a big deal to admit that there is a legitimate illness? Why has it taken ME so long to admit it?

Because of the stigma attached. Here's the stigma I had attached. If I tell my husband that I am struggling with depression, he is going to question my ability to be a good mother. He will fear that I will go Susan Smith on him and harm the children. If I tell my family that I have a problem with depression, they will insist that I start seeing a professional counselor or at the very least my pastor to discuss all my issues and past. If I tell my friends that I am battling for my mental life, they will shower me with pity or they will judge me for being weak.

People don't seek help because in many cases they simply can't afford it. Even if they can get to a doctor to be evaluated, which is questionable through current insurance anyway, they won't be able to afford to fill any medications they need for treatment anyway.

Some people are like me. They don't believe that they are really sick. I can't tell you how many times I said, "It's hormones." Or the millions of times I blamed it on my children's failure to listen. Or on the weather. I kid you not! I would blame a week of rainy days for my foul mood. I'm sure all of those things had a contributing effect but they weren't the real cause.

So for all of your preaching Sarah, does this mean that you are going to get help? Honestly? Probably not. I am part of that group that just won't go. I'm still hung up in my stigmas. I am still relying on my own journaling and exercise and diet to help me control my mood. Will it work? Who knows. Will I eventually seek help? Maybe.

It's all a Journey on a Winding Road.