Of Children, Curses and the Dishwater Sh**s

You filled in the missing letters right? Because I really try not to use language my children have to avoid and even though they have not mastered reading (at 2, 4, and 5), someday they will and I would hate for them to think me a hypocrite.

Did I have a point? Oh, yeah!

So we had our first delightful dinner of the outdoor season on the deck last night. It was splendid and everyone ate well and had fun. It was a Cleaver moment. Then it was time to clean up.

Wayne's World flash back with me, will you? When I was growing up I had a skill that very few have ever mastered like I did. I could always find a way out of doing the dishes and not just any way. I had talent. You had two choices. I could vanish into the bathroom and not come out for oh say, an hour or two. This worked particularly well on any night that had a dinner featuring Mexican, seafood, or cabbage.

And then there was option two. I would "clear the table" and by that I mean I would eat everything. Slowly. I didn't care what it was. I would dig the last pea out of the bottom of the tuna noodle casserole dish if that is what it took. In the meantime, my benevolent, forgiving, kind and gracious sister (who reads this blog) would have washed everything, wiped down the counters and swept the floor leaving me, my fork and the dish I was licking as the only things that still needed to be cleaned. And of course with the sink full of clean dishes they would air dry and be put away in the morning.

I had skills. I found out later that it is what my grandfather called - you guessed it, "The Dishwater Sh**ts."

Flash forward to last evening.

Beloved had two choices - clean something (table and dishes or children) or go to the wholesale club. Watch this unfold with me. He decided that he should go check out the hours for the wholesale club so he knew if he had enough time to do the whole shopping and get home in time for bedtime and tuck-ins. It's incredible that in all my surfing today (housework was light) the world wide web, my server and my modem were all cooperative and had incredible response times. And yet when Beloved tries to pull up one site, crash city. Things that make you go "hmmmm."

By the time I realized that he hadn't pulled out of the garage I had roped Mo into helping clear the table and had the two smaller children in the tub soaking off a layer of crud. So the kitchen was done and I was about to put the wraps on a round of baths. Somebody caught The Dishwaters.

They say The Mother's Curse only applies to children (One day you will have children just like you) but I beg to differ. I think the curse can come from anywhere. Oh, he may think he has skills but now he has tangled with The Master of the Dishwaters!

Dum. Dum. Duuuuuuum.

My Battle Against Stress!

Meredith Viera had a 2 minute interview this morning on the Today show that has been in my brain all day.



So we as women are taking this economic situation, plus our family stuff, plus our jobs, plus our children's behavior, plus our attempts to please others and we are doing ourselves in! I have read so many blogs, personal messages, and notes in the last 48 hours from friends and complete strangers that demonstrate this to me.

You may (or maybe not) know that I am blogging over at the BlubHer Overhaul. I have seen so many ladies struggling with stress eating or lack of motivation for working out or just being sick. And now I'm wondering how much of it is linked.

I have friends who have said to me on numerous occasions, "I just can't beat these blahs!" And I wonder if they really mean "I just can't beat this stress."

So of course having had all day and 2 loads of laundry (and the motivation of my own stresses) to ponder this, I started to ask myself "So what do we do to battle it?" Exercise? Eat right? Meditate? Pray? All very valid solutions I told myself. But I want more.

What can I do to help other women battle back against stress? Is it just a matter of leaving a comment on every blog I visit? Is it sending a random e-mail to tell someone I care? Is it praying for other people that I see hurting? But I still want more!

You may or may not have seen Copacabana last week -here's hoping you missed it! But that is what I want to do! I want to start a "Pay it Forward" style campaign. I want women to reach out to other women and make them smile. Even if it's only for a little minute, enough of those minutes from enough other people will make a difference.

I have seen so many references to medications, depression, and stress that I wonder if the tide can be turned. I am an optimist. I believe that it can be. But people have to look outside of their own meditation, exercise, dieting, and prayer and try to help other people. I come back to the gas situation I faced last week. I have no idea what effect if any my half a tank left behind had, but I have to believe it helped someone.

Help me. It's not an official campaign. I don't have a happy blog button for anyone to carry around. It's just what is right. So if you see someone today who needs a smile, tell them a quick joke or just smile at them. You may just save their life.

It's Called a What?

Oh, that's right! It's called a dish - WASHER! Silly me!

Now I am not one to lose my mind and rip off a good vent unless someone has pushed me. Well, guess what? That's a hand print in the middle of my back!

After church yesterday I made a dash out to the grocery store with the girls so that I would be able to combine trips. (By the way, don't come to GA if you are looking for gas. We don't have it! Another day for that one.) I called home to see if Beloved wanted something special for lunch while I was out and got the following lecture.

B: No. I'm fine. And that was the end of the call. But no sooner did I put my phone back in my purse than it was ringing again.

B: Can you do something for me?

Me: Oh, you decided what you want?

B: No. I don't want anything. But will you please wash the dishes before you put them in the dishwasher? I'm cleaning up the kitchen (wait for me to pick myself up off the floor) and there are dishes in here with little bits of food all over them.

Me: Are you kidding me? This rhetorical question asked so incredulously was answered with a three minute lecture about how it's hard on the dishwasher to have to clean food off of dishes and how our dishwasher (which is run a minimum of twice a day) is going to start drawing bugs.

The lecture would have lasted longer but I oh so politely excused myself from the conversation (ok, so I hung up on him!) and went about my shopping. Now this has had time to simmer in me and it's getting a little like a bad pot of chili. I keep getting hotter and hotter.

It is called a dish-washer. I put dish detergent in it. The argument is that it only serves to sanitize the dishes. Then why is NO ONE using actual soap and scrubbing on the dishes before they go in? Why am I not buying a sanitizing rinse to put in there instead?

I rinse the dishes before they go in so they are food free. Sure there are specks of ketchup left behind sometimes but it's a dish WASHER! And maybe I would be able to shake it off, but my darling Beloved has found a way to effectively restrain his cleaning urges. Yes, I have said the phrase "lift your feet" to him when vacuuming. So now he suddenly can tell me that I am going about things the wrong way?

Has he avoided eating off of dishes I have loaded in the dishWASHER my way? Nope!

Has he come down with some flesh eating virus he ingested from my dishes? Not yet!

Has the exterminator moved into the playroom? Absolutely not!

So what is the major malfunction? After lunch today I intentionally put a peanut butter covered bowl in the "dish sanitizer" just to get his goat when he gets home from work tonight. Tomorrow it's going to be a plate slathered in mustard and egg stuff. That'll teach him!