I Have Decided to Quit Blogging.

I’ve gotten a few notes and comments from regular readers asking if I’m okay and telling me that they miss my blog updates. Thank you. That is very sweet of all of you.

And while I don’t OWE you an explanation for my absence because after all this is my place on the web and I will do with it what I want, I will offer one out of friendship. Simply put, I burnt out. I was pressing everyday to find something to write about and stressing about whether my stats were climbing and if I was "good enough" to be a part of bloggy land at all. I was worried about whether you were enjoying my writing and was I funny enough? Why wouldn’t my meme take off and why didn’t I take more pictures this week for Wordless Wednesday? Who in the forums was reading my stuff and why wouldn’t more people comment? Why couldn’t my most controversial stances spark any kind of debate?

I was dreaming in blog people. I would wake up thinking blog and I would eat blog for lunch and I would blog while I was brushing my teeth. Not on the blog but in my head. I would wake up in the middle of the night to make notes about a dream because maybe when I was fully awake I could turn it into a roll em in the aisles post.

For some people that is a great thing. For some people that would be a rocking life. For me it was torture. I want to write. Just write. I don’t want to install meta tags and learn CSS code and HTML code and link all the right keywords. I don’t really care if Google finds me or not. I don’t necessarily want to make millions off of my blog. It would be nice if it happened but only if I can still be happy while I do it.

I just want to write. And that is what this started out as. A place for me to write. Then I got sidetracked with stats and comment counts and posting two or three times a day and making sure that I was friends with the right people in bloggy land and making sure that I didn’t offend or comment on the wrong blog because that would draw drama.

So I am going to quit blogging. I am just going to write. Here. When I feel like it and about what I want. The family stuff will still be found at The Zoo and the brain junk and social commentary will still be at The Bowl. But don’t expect me to update everyday. I don’t have THAT much to say.

I am no longer judging my success by stats, followers and page rank. I am purely judging my success by comments and my own happiness. If I can inspire you enough to cause you to comment then I have been successful. My biggest reward is forcing Buck to come out of his reader to comment. And that is what I want it to be all about. Just writing and sharing my writing with people who want to read.

Those of you who know me from some forums, give my regards. It’s not that I don’t like you or want to hang out with you. I just can’t get sucked back into all "stuff" that is blogging.
So farewell to blogging - welcome back writing.

**Note: For those of you who follow both, you will see this post cross posted today because the same audience is not in both places. Thanks for your tolerance.

Journey on a Winding Road: Looking out the Window.

Yesterday was a brutal day for me. Pretty much moving from one piece of crummy news to another. I would no sooner get myself put back together and start to lose the red rings around my eyes than the next phone call or the next piece of news would come down. It was one of those days that should have put me into a total and complete tailspin. But it didn't.

Something very odd and unexpected happened in the middle of my day. A person who I have barely known a week sent me an e-mail. It started with "I don't know why I am telling you all of this but somehow I feel like maybe you can help." The story went on and as I read I knew where she was coming from and the response came flowing out without any fight or doubt that it was the right answer for her and where she was. When I was done and hit the send button, I sat back in my chair and...smiled?

That didn't make any sense! I was having one of the worst days in several months and I should have been absolutely miserable. I should have been angry that someone dared to need me. I should have been hopeless and should have had a response along the lines of "You think you have problems! Let me tell you MY story." But it wasn't there. Never for a minute did it occur to me to think, "Good. I'm not alone in being miserable." Instead I just wanted to encourage and help that person with what they were going through.

For ten minutes I was free of my own issues and I was helping someone. And it made me happy. It made me remember my purpose.

I know that my problems are still here and I know that they aren't going to go away just because I'm ignoring them and distracting myself with encouraging others. But they are somehow a little easier to handle when I don't wallow in them.

In my message to my friend yesterday I wrote things that spoke to me too. Maybe if I take my own medicine, this journey will be a little easier.