Bizarre News Wrap Up!

What would my triumphant return week be without a little T.B. Maid reporting?  Again if you have just joined us since my hiatus, this is the part of the blog where I go in search of all the absolutely absurd news I can find and make fun of it.  Brace yourself - this is when it gets (not so) good!

Here's a little tidbit I found today - Wacky crimes: The best of police blotters from Palm Beach County and the Treasure Coast
This is perfect!  It's an end of the month round up of all the loonies and their antics.  And the paper does it EVERY month.  How great is that paper!  You have to read through a few of these blurbs.  I think my personal favorite is the guy who ratted out his own weed operation - IN THE BUFF!

Here's a reason to clean out the car. - Bear crashes in runaway car
How do you explain that to your parents?  "I swear Mom! I parked the car right there!  Oh, look!  There it is...and a bear is eating the interior."  Better yet, how would you like to be the adjuster assigned to that claim?

This just strikes me as a bit gross. Churchill's dentures fetch nearly $24,000
Why in the name of dental floss would anyone want a pair of 60+ year old dentures?  Yes, Mr. Churchill was a fantastic man.  Sure World War II artifacts are cool.  Not sure this one is one of the cool ones.  But the bigger question is, how exactly does a pair of dentures correct a lisp?

And this one gives me some inspiration to keep working out.  Florida great-grandma takes a bite out of crime
She is 73 years old!  Not only does she have the gumption to bite the bad guy but she hangs on to a (I have to assume) speeding truck as it tears down the highway.  The last line got me - she almost lost a tooth.  Take that Churchill!  You're fancy pants bajillion dollar dentures can't do THAT!

And let's wrap up with one from right here in the neighborhood (ok, across town but when you read this you'll know why I'm ready to let them STAY across town).   Armored escort for Snellville's snail ornament
First we protest the snail as a mascot.  Then we buy Sunday liquor sales by telling folks they can have their snail if they pass the ordinance.  Now we will be providing an armored transport for snail ornaments to get to a...farmer's market?  Look at that Es Car Go!

So there you have it..all the news that SHOULDN'T have been reported!  But before I go, let's get a photo of the week, shall we?

Yes, those are safety pins but don't worry.  They're just glued on.  I have yet to figure out why but if anyone knows Lucy McRae of Australia, perhaps they could ask and get back to me.

This is T.B. Maid reporting.  May your water stay blue and always go down!

My Run for Mother of the Year

The campaign is off to a rough start.

Mo had a dental appointment this morning. Now let's start with a review of today's treatment. Three fillings, one root canal and a crown. Oh yeah. I really rock on the brushing of the teeth. I will be the first to admit that I failed her in the dental hygiene department and I have no excuse. But what is done is done so now I have it fixed and I go forward taking better care of every one's teeth. Lesson learned.

Today was the first round. There is more to be done on the other side but the doctor was a dear and split it up. She was excited to go because her best friend has a crown and she wants to be just like her. This is going to be fun! Maybe I should have tried to temper her enthusiasm a little but I wanted to avoid inducing anxiety. It was bad enough that Daddy was in a panic about her treatment. It was all I could do to keep him from freaking out. I was not about to add her to the mix. So I went with it. Bye MOTY points.

The longer she was back in the office, the more anxious I got. But finally they told me I could come settle the bill. I had just wrapped it up and had picked up the receipt when here she came through the door. Her eyes were a little bleary from the sedation and she had that funny little gauze roll thing hanging out the side of her mouth. She looked up at me with pitiful little eyes and said, "Mom, my cheek feels buzzy." I plastered on my fake smile and looked at the dental assistant who assured me she did a fabulous job and only got "a little wiggly right at the end."

We loaded in the van and she said in her most pitiful voice, "Please can we just go home?" Being the merciful mother I am I responded with, "Can't we go to the park first? Tuck was really good while you were in the doctor so he would like to go to the park." Who does that? Who puts their child through incredible pain and dental manipulation and then asks them to sacrifice themselves for the sake of their siblings? But she is a giving child and she agreed. I pushed the guilt aside with the thought that "maybe a little distraction is what she needs." Sayonara MOTY!

We made it all of ten minutes at the park. By then we were 45 minutes removed from the actual anesthesia and she was really starting to feel the effects. Tuck took one look at her and said, "Maybe we should take Mo home." The three year old. I was campaigning for a MOTY? So we loaded back up and came home.

You are going to tell me I'm lying but I promise on her silver tooth it is true. She got out of the van walked into the house and locked me out. I unloaded the other two and crossed the garage to have the knob stiff in my hand. Thank goodness I still had the keys and the front door. It made for a good joke and it made her smile so I took my punishment like a big girl. Then it was off to the medicine cabinet for some Motrin.

She is all snuggled up with her blankets and pillows and Boomerang so I think we may have made peace for a while. I hate to admit it but I have laughed a little at her expense. She has been looking and acting as pitiful as she possibly can in hopes of guilting me into all manner of treats and special treatment. There are some more MOTY points laughing as they pack their bags.

At least I have next year.