Why? (Part 2 - The Blog Reasoning)

So by now those of you who have read Why? (Part 1) are asking yourself a different why. "Why not just write in a journal or in a word document on your computer. You're sitting there anyway. Why subject the whole world to your raving lunatic ramblings?"


I was sold.


You're familiar with that concept right? To be "sold" means that you are fed an idea and you take it so easily and eagerly that you never know you were just fleeced, taken to the cleaners and snookered all at once.


Don't get me wrong. I love the idea of a blog. I have met some really wonderful people through the blogging communities and I count them among my friends even though I have never actually met them face to face. And I love the idea that my words reach so far. Just last week I had visitors from France, Belgium, Sicily, Singapore, Poland, the United Kingdom, and Australia. Some of those people are return visitors; some found me by accident when they were searching for "pink sludge in the toilet" on Google. (I didn't ask. I honestly didn't want to know!)


But I hate the blog world some days too. I wish I had had the opportunity to get in early like Julie did with the Julie/Julia Project. Just looking at the simplicity of her blog makes me jealous. There was no nonsense about paid ads, reviews, ethics, blog trolls, who do we like this week and who can't we stand.


So why do I continue to keep the blog online? Because it IS my journal. At one point it wasn't online; it was just a word document on my computer that I picked at when inspiration struck. Someone (my sister) put a silly thought into my head that maybe, just maybe I could get published in a magazine. So I submitted an e-mail with my work attached and promptly got a "we are not taking submissions at this time" response. But there was a second line. "You may want to contact the editor of our online publication for consideration as a staff blogger."


And there was the big sell. You mean if I put this stuff together in a blog, there is a chance that I can get a writing gig that will reach the masses? I think I did a whopping 15 minutes of research before I hit up Blogger.com and started building The Zoo.


When I started I was simple like Julie. Then I started exploring the blogoverse and I started finding out about layouts, coding, keywords, links, traffic counters, traffic trackers. And that is when I stepped both feet into the quicksand that is blogging. I became so obsessed with those numbers and those visits and linking to the right people and having the right people linking back and making sure that I posted x number of times a day and tweeting and gaining followers.


I killed my writing. I effectively sucked the life out of it and smothered it. And that is when I took the summer off.


Now as I'm coming back into blogging, the why has come. Why? Because I want to write. I may never reach beyond the 10 visits a day and therefore may never make my way onto a "coming soon" poster in the Barnes and Noble window.


But I will write. Because it's what I am. Because it's what I do.

I Think I'm Going to be Sick.

I can't believe I just did that. I might need to go be sick.

I just turned down an offer to participate in a series on Parenting.com. We would have been interviewed and I would have had a chance to write a few blogs for them. My foot was in the door. And I pulled it out and closed the door myself.

I'm going to be sick.

But I have to know that I did the right thing. I did what was right for the family. The series was about families being impacted by the recession and how they are handling it. If you know me or have followed the blog for any time at all you know that we are being drop kicked by the recession.

My husband is a salesman for an Acura dealership. Yes, a car salesman. Pure commission. I am a stay at home mom. And before you say "Well, why don't you just get a job?" You know what the job market itself is like but have you coupled that with the cost of child care for three children? And even though Mo is in school, she would still require after school care and summer care. Here in the metro Atlanta area, to put three children in childcare, pay for car, gas and insurance, and still come out with just $1000 a month, I would have to take home over $50,000 a year. Do you know anyone who is willing to pay an executive assistant that? Because that is about my skill set.

We even looked at the idea of an overnight position but with Beloved's hours being what they are and the frequency that he has to stay late to finish a deal, there was no dependability that I could get to work on time. Couple that with the fact that a person's body will force them to sleep and you still have a problem.

Writing is my dream. I have wanted to write for a very long while and being home and blogging has allowed me to hone that skill and learn about different writing styles. Then Parenting comes knocking and I turned them away.

I definitely need to be sick. I guess I just have to keep praying that another opportunity will come up. This one came, right? There will be more. I just have to keep praying and writing.

And go brush my teeth.