Ahhhh, Butt Sniffing!

Guess who ended up coming home after all.

Guess who isn't fixed. 

Guess who spent the whole evening last evening sniffing butts. (And trying to "make friends and influence other 'male' dogs.")

Guess who had to explain the joys of butt sniffing (and other male dog behaviors) to her children. 

Guess whose children think butt sniffing is a great way to go. (They're undecided on the other behaviors.)

Guess who drinks out of the toilet.

Guess whose children think drinking out of the toilet is a great way to go.

Guess who is about to go swirly herself to make it all stop.

(For the rest of Walter's story you can visit the Zoo later today.  I'm sure there will be plenty to write about!)

Brain Junk and Tidbits.

Ok so here are a few crumbs I have collected this morning as I have speed cleaned my house.  Why I'm in a hurry, I have no idea because I have pretty much nada to do for the rest of the day.

I guess I could sew some.  I have some lunch bags to make.  See, I'm taking (and issuing) a zero waste lunch challenge.  Can you pack lunch for your children (and yourself) this coming school year without using things that have to be thrown away?  My pal Fer the wonder seamstress shared a link with me way back in April for nylon reusable sandwich bags.  I'm going to try this.  I think if I combine the nylon lunch bags and the refillable juice box shaped water bottles I should be REALLY close to the zero waste lunch.  My only glitch is the daily yogurt and cheese stick.

And speaking of going back to school...We are only 3 weeks away!  Can I just tell you how stoked my kids are?  Tuck is crossing off days on the calendar to count down.  Mo is just ready to see her friends again.  And Munch?  She is ready for some peace and quiet.  I'm ready for the grocery bill to drop again.  Holy Smokes!!  These kids have been vacuum cleaners this summer!  And they've grown about two feet collectively. 

But the back to school means time to go shopping and I think we all know how I feel about shopping.  Thankfully shopping for my children is not nearly as devastating for me as shopping for myself so it won't be that bad.  And who doesn't love new crayons?  This year we are filling a third backpack for a local charity.  With the economy being what it is, I'm sure there are some kids staring down the calendar wondering how they are going to face that first day of school.  I hope we can help at least one of them. I strongly encourage you to search out your own area for a charity that may need the same kind of help.

Which leads us to the concept of "new."  Remember way back when I chopped off all my hair in a fit of "I'm so sick of this being in my face!"? Yeah well, now I'm ready for the bangs to grow back out because they are in my face.  I have that dorky split down the middle flipped up thing going on and it's driving me bajonkers.

And I tried a new swimsuit top yesterday.  A bikini for the first time in my life.  I've had two pieces but they have been tankinis so there was no tummy showing.  I'll be going back to that, thank you very much.  My stomach is resembling a cooked lobster right now.  You know how people say they look like a lobster?  Well when you consider that a lobster is brown, that's not such a bad idea.  It's the cooked ones that get ya.

While we're talking about cooking, I'm going to brag a little.  My Christmas presents for my teachers are almost done.  My tag teaming pal and I have been working the last few weeks on mini jars of various jellies to create neat little assortment baskets for our teachers for the holiday.  You can be jealous because so far we have blueberry, strawberry, peach, blackberry and cherry and we have tasted them all and they are FABULOSO!!  We are still adding some mint, grape, fig and savory onion garlic to our repertoire along with some apple and pumpkin butter.  Tell me you don't wish you were a neighbor or a teacher right now and I will call you a big ole fibber.

Which leads me to my last little snippet.  What is up with the fibbing?!  Mo has entered the fibber phase and I am really not "down" with that.  Will someone please tell me that it is a phase and that I am not raising a criminal here?

By the way, it looks like the other Max will not be joining us after all.  I believe that he has found a new home without our help so I may have dodged a bullet there.  The kids have joined Daddy's dog campaign though so I have probably already been out voted.  I might as well start looking at breeds I will tolerate. 

Hey, thanks for letting me brain dump.  I'm sure you're a bit dizzy from all of that and wondering how it all fits together and I'll just let you know...It doesn't!  Have a great day!

(By the way, I just thought the picture was really neat!  No political commentary or deep meaning - although I'm sure I could come up with one if I thought on it.)

Oh For the love of the Vacuum!

Lil' Red (our vacuum) blew up.  I mean smoke belching, dirt flying, sparks crackling blew up.  That was a month ago.  Today I finally went out and replaced her.  No, I have NOT been letting my house go "Hoarders" on us or anything but I am tired of traipsing over to Neighbor's to borrow his. 

And if you have to buy a vacuum, why not just bite it and go for the Dyson, right?  So I did.  Hubs is not a fan - but then he didn't realize that Red was kablooie either.  So after much discussion we have made peace with a new vacuum.

But somewhere in there between frustration over having or borrowing, or getting something cheaper that may or may not handle that death trap that is the playroom, he slipped in, "So if I could bring home a year and a half old standard poodle, would you be ok with that?"

You know that point in a "discussion" where you just surrender and say "yeah, sure" to just about anything?  Man, does he have timing.  On top of that, do you know what this dog's name is?  Max.  As in the same name as the Jack Russel that is already in residence.  And it's still in puppy phase.  And it's a poodle.  A big, black poodle.

I need to have my head examined.  The only saving grace in this right now is that we are coming to the end of summer so it would give the children something to do for the last four weeks before school returns and I would have time to work with it in training when they go back.

But it's a poodle.

All I wanted was a new vacuum!

Two Cents Tuesday: Choices, Choices.

Got Two Cents? Head over to Tu Tu's Bliss and snag your own pennies. And remember while Jen is generous enough to give us a topic, you can really share your two cents on just about anything you feel inclined to spout off about. Have fun!

And in case you didn't have enough inspiration to participate she's hav ing a rocking contest this week too! Check it out and give your two cents!

This week is all about Choices. Yes, it is a wonderful topic and heaven knows I have plenty of fodder that could take us to a deep dark place. But we all know that's not my speed. Let's instead talk about some of the choices I've made this week shall we? Yes, I know it's only Tuesday but I have already racked up some doozies.

Good choice - dog sitting for neighbor while he was out of town for two weeks.

Bad choice - not making sure I went out to the yard every few days to clean up after him.

Worse choice - not paying very close attention to where I was walking in my already smashed down flops.

Good choice - eating a garden salad with grilled chicken and a low fat Asian dressing for dinner last night.

Bad choice - having a heaping bowl of ice cream for dessert.

Worse choice - adding sugared strawberries, chocolate syrup and cool whip to the ice cream.

Good choice - finishing up the yard cleanup this morning

Bad choice - not looking where I was grabbing while I was trimming monkey grass (remember the whole dog thing?)

Worse choice - not wearing any gloves while I was working.

Good choice - being compassionate when Beloved woke up with my flu this morning

Bad choice - encouraging him to stay home from work

Worse choice - not finding somewhere else to be today while he is home with the flu and nothing to do

My Parents Knew Better than to Name me Grace!

I'll get around to Wordless Wednesday eventually but I really have to address this first.

We are dog sitting for our neighbor again (a three week stint this time) so on top of my normal toy vaulting, children dodging and laundry balancing, I've been doing the dog shuffle too. He's an 80 lb lab but he is the sweetest dog on the planet (unless you count the loaf of banana bread he snagged off the counter on Monday). He loves to wait for me to sit down somewhere and lay down next to the couch or chair.

Munch and I were cuddling on the couch yesterday settling down for nap and I decided that I should go put her in her bed since she's been having some adjustment issues. I scooped her and her blankies up and turned to head for her room. And promptly tripped over the dog. And by tripped I don't mean stumbled; I mean full blown Mama is going DOWN!

My brain kicked into high gear because I was going down between our end table and our armchair in a space that is only about 2 feet wide. Brain said "Don't drop the baby but don't let her smack her head on the end table either." So Body responded by trying to hit all fours but in the knees and elbows version so that hands and forearms could pull Munch in close so she wouldn't hit the ground. Every muscle in my back must have twisted and flexed in anticipation of the impact.

We hit. I managed to not land on Munch but I immediately started to cry. Partly out of relief that she was safe, partly out of anger at the dog, and a big chunk out of screaming pain. I am now the proud owner of two brushburnt elbows, a bruised knee, a jammed hip and some serious muscle aches in my back and shoulders.

You would think that would be enough for one day wouldn't you? Not according to the cosmos. I took my ibuprofen and curled up with my heating pad and went to bed.

1 AM wake up with raging thirst and a very HOT bed.

2:14 Wake up to a screaming 5 year old who just pooped in her bed because she couldn't find the bunk bed ladder in her sleep. Shower and change her and put her in bed with me.

3:17 Wake up to wailing 2 year old who just fell out of her bed.

4:15 Wake up to thud where 2 year old fell out again.

6:32 Realize that the alarm going off is not going to stop.

I really need to catch up on some housework but something tells me if I manage to stay standing today I'll be on my way to the Mom Hall of Fame! The good news is that with all the up and down last night I never really had a chance to get stiff. That works in my favor right?

Happy Groundhog Day!

And before you blow me off and say, "Sarah, you already posted this over at the Zoo!" stick with me. This isn't the same groundhog.

I was thinking about Groundhog Day last night and suddenly had a completely different groundhog memory that made me laugh out loud. That of course means that I have to share it with you because that's what my blog is about.

We had a dog growing up named Rowdy. He was dachsund, shepherd, irish setter, mutt mix. Yeah, he was a looker! He was black, about the size of a lab and was probably the laziest dog you ever met. He laid down to eat. I kid you not!

But he hated groundhogs. I mean loathed, despised, and abhorred them. He would be laying in the yard under the clothes line and suddenly take off like he had a firecracker in his rear if he saw one. He was nice enough to bury them if he ever got them. And therein is your story.

I was a camp counselor every summer all through high school and into college. At the end of the camp season every year all the counselors would come to our house and have a barbecue and play croquet and watch Indiana Jones and Tombstone and pretty much just pass out on our livingroom floor and go home in the morning. It was my parents' gift to us for a summer well done. One summer I was bidding good night to one of the guys who couldn't stay and had walked him out to his truck. Out of no where here came Rowdy dog.

(This is NOT our Rowdy Dog - but he WAS this cool!)

Apparently he had found one of his "trophies" which was about six weeks ripe, dug it up and rolled in it. (You just threw up a little didn't you?) Then he proceeded to try to climb into my friend Matt's truck. Over top of him.

This was met with, "GET OUT OF HERE DOG!! YOU SMELL ZACTLY!!"

When I was finally able to pick myself up off the ground where I had collapsed in full on tears pouring laughter, I asked, "Matt? What is 'zactly?'"

"RC, that dog smells zactly like my butt!"

Zactly has been a part of our vocabulary ever since. May you have a Zactly Groundhog Day!

Should you Ever Come to Visit...

Here are the rules.

*If it's empty, throw it away or fill it back up.

*If it's dirty, put it in the dishwasher, washing machine, diaper pail or bathtub.

*If you can't stand due to physical disability, I will serve you. Otherwise, get off your bum and get it yourself.

*I only wipe 2 behinds other than my own (and one of those I wish I didn't have to deal with). You're on your own there.

*If you have something to say to me, say it. Don't mumble, grumble, whine, or raise your voice in anyway. That just turns my ears off.

*Wipe your feet.

*Cover your cough.

*Use a tissue.

*Keep the TV low.

*Call before you come. Don't ring the doorbell when you get here. And don't throw the ball. Those last two just make the dog crazy and you'll never come back.

Other than that, I think we'll be ok.

Think I should forward this to my hubby?

The Downside of a finished To Do list.

You have nothing else to do with your day. So here are a few snapshots of my day.

I watched C-SPAN. I hate politics!

When C-SPAN finally broke me I went to bake brownies. In the middle of mixing the brownies, I heard, "I have a booger. Can you pick it?"

After picking the booger and washing my hands (twice) I finished the brownies.

As I slid the brownies into the oven, I heard screaming from the back yard. "I stepped in dog poo!!" And I knew he had no shoes on. So what did he do? Tried to pick it off thus getting dog poo on his hand. Then he tried to come into the house to wash it all off! Not on your life S.M. Rhino!!

After washing the poo off I chilled while C-SPAN tallied the votes.

Then the baby got up and had lunch. Which was followed by going to pick up the Orangutan. And now we are home. No boogers. No dog poo. But plenty of brownies.

Which might explain this....