Tu Tu threw out a HUGE question today for Two Cents Tuesday. The topic is Infidelity. I am eternally grateful that this isn't even the shadow of an issue that I expect to ever deal with. But this is the second time a marriage question has come across my screen this week.
The first time it came from a thread in the Parenting.com forum. "What is harder - being a parent or maintaining your marriage?" So let me address both questions at the same time. My vote goes to marriage and here's why. When you become a parent it completely changes you. You can never do anything to stop being a parent. Never. Abandon your child. Give them up for adoption. Sell them to the circus. It really doesn't matter. You still feel that blood bond deep down inside. It's permanent.
And yes, I know that marriage is supposed to be the same way. "Supposed to." Unfortunately in today's society the theory just doesn't hold up to the practice. People will split over the most ridiculous things. Say a pack of cigarettes for example. That's right. He found out that she was smoking behind his back and now they've been divorced for a year.
She gives birth to three children and gains some weight that she just can't lose. He sees a sleeker, more toned model and he's gone. He gets demoted due to company cut backs and suddenly isn't bringing home as much money. She decides that she can do better and bails.
An argument over child rearing policies. Distracted by work, bills, housekeeping, soccer practice, gymnastics, and camping trips. People are all too willing to throw in the towel.
What does this have to do with infidelity? There are a lot of ways to cheat. It doesn't have to be just another man or woman. In my book anything that comes between two people can be a cheat. But there's the catch. Do you let it stay between you? Or do you resolve it, reprioritize and correct the situation? Too often I think people aren't willing to work to resolve.
And before someone jumps on me "But Sarah, not everything can be resolved" let me go ahead and call "BULL!" on that. It can be resolved. But BOTH people have to commit to resolving it. One can't fix it alone. One can't go 200% while the other goes nowhere.
Someone is going to call me out on domestic violence. Should someone stay in a violent situation? No. Absolutely not. But should they seek counseling, help and exhaust all rehabilitative options from two different locations before they give up? If both are completely committed to the rehabilitation isn't it possible that the situation could be resolved?
My mother said something in a church discussion once that has stuck with me in a HUGE way. Marriage is not a 50/50 deal. It's a 100/100 deal.
We have firmly established that I am a chronic optimist and I understand that the world isn't an optimistic place. But that doesn't mean that it couldn't be if more people would root themselves and stand for right, good and optimism. Our families depend on it.
But that's just my Two Cents. I'd love to hear yours! Let it fly here and then go study up at Jen's Place.